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The Irishman in me likes the getaway car 🚗 concept!

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As I said in other places, I truly enjoyed the first candlelit or Candlelight Sunday chat (it seems that the name has not been decided upon quite yet, as I see both in use).

Though I hardly ever experience anxiety, it is always interesting to learn how other people experience and handle it. While I am neither anxious nor shy, I experience the drain of energy associated with introversion in social settings of a certain size.

I distinguish anxiety from fear. Anxiety is rather unspecific, while fear knows a causal object. Stage fright is an example of anxiety because we do not know what we are afraid of specifically.

In the rare cases that I have been anxious, it helped me to try to define what I was truly afraid of. Typically, I was unable to pinpoint the object of fear and gave up on my anxiety. When I found out the root cause of my anxiety, I imagined the worst-case scenarios. They usually turned out laughably inconsequential.

What do I mean? I lived through the divorce of my parents, being put into a boarding home, and being forced to prostitute myself in the gay community as a teenager. My daughter ran away and was almost killed by her boyfriend multiple times before she escaped. My elder son was almost killed in a car accident, and it took 12 years for him to recover. My younger son was so traumatized by this that he lived on the street for a few years. I lived through 3 bankruptcies (by my employers), 4 bore-outs, cancer, and almost died of lung embolisms. I lost 99% of my social contacts and subculture when I was thrown out of church for not mindlessly accepting the doctrine and succumbing to leadership. Apart from my wife and my children, 2 people kept a relationship. What is there left to be anxious about? And I can assure you: all this can be survived and life still is beautiful.

I am not making light of anybody's experience. We all have our thresholds of what we can take in different places. I am just talking about my own experience here.

I am looking forward to the next chat- I hope that we will talk more about introversion per se, but again, I have expressed this in other places.

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Dec 20, 2023Liked by Susan Cain

"Life is slippery. Here, take my hand." These words from author H. Jackson Brown, Jr. come to mind when I savor the memory of our candlelit Sunday chat, Susan. This is precisely what it felt like being there with you and other soulful people. You made us feel safe. Thank you, and I look forward to more.❤️

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Dec 20, 2023Liked by Susan Cain

Susan, I found kindred spirits in the Zoom call. My only caveat is that these calls can edge into group therapy sessions, where one trauma after another is disclosed and tears shed. Obviously, there's a place for this in a professional setting, but that's not how I perceive The Quiet Life. Instead, I look forward to resonant observations, constructive strategies, and heartfelt affirmation. I know we live in a therapeutic culture, but this community should be something apart from that. I also understand that this is likely a minority (and perhaps male) opinion!

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Dec 20, 2023Liked by Susan Cain

Hi Susan Mam, Welcome back;

I am very glad you to hear you again. 🙂🙂

I know that you organize you candlelight sunday chat and appreciate to u for this moment 🙂👏👏

I know I am not join candlelight sunday chat due to some reason but no way next time I join.

So I share my feelings here to u and everyone, as you talk about stress, anxity realated problem that happen every one life.

Same thing happened to me some time I feel stress, anxity due to family, friends and past fears;I don't know why these things happen to me but one thing I did always try to make myself positive and good but fail to do this.

Mam I know you hear my voice as a motivater, some people around me scolds like I am antisocial, rude, problematic but some give me support in this. I know myself I am introvert personality and I am different from other, I am not like to others. But I know myself I am really strong and lion roar inside and one day I will really prove myself how strong I am, unstoppable; these things I truly said and I really wait for that day in future🙂🙂.

It's because when people like you and other are hear to understand me and my problem then no need to any one ; it is because only you people understand me and my ambitions. 💙💙

One thing I tell you at last : My first Perority is to know myself, love my country, respect elders, make vison to achieve my personal goal, study and learn more.

Thank you

Susan Mam;

Haroon from🇮🇳

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I felt welcomed in a beautiful way into a group I absolutely knew I belonged in. I used the word bittersweet in describing so many moments in my life. Thank you for providing a safe place to speak my mind. Something, that doesn’t always come easy for me.

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the name alone of this blessed circle -- The Quiet Life -- feels like a homecoming to me. it's such a gentle way of naming our/my natural-born near-monastic tendencies. as an author myself who sometimes needs to step up to the podium, occasions that riddle me with fear and loathing, it is such a comfort to know that a writer as beautiful as you, one who plumbs the depths of soul and psyche, is willing to say aloud just how scary it can be. sometimes simply reaching out to hold the hand of another is enough to carry me across my thresholds of trepidation. in my imagination, i will be reaching out to hold your hand.

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Dec 20, 2023Liked by Susan Cain

I really enjoyed the Candlelight Sunday chat. There were a couple of times I started to “raise my hand” and then the anxiety kicked in. The partial anonymity of Zoom didn’t protect me. Ironically, throughout my adult life, I’ve held jobs that nearly always required public speaking - briefer, tour guide, instructor at a piano/organ store, instructor at a Community College (this one in another language). I somehow managed to not let my nerves get the best of me. Maybe it was that over preparation that some mentioned.

I look forward to more Sunday chats. And, who knows, maybe I’ll raise my hand. 🙂

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I have such fomo having missed the first candlelight chat. I’m so glad to hear it was a success and I will surely catch the next one!

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Dec 21, 2023Liked by Susan Cain

As I wrote in my LinkedIn post: Susan's TEDx talk and book, "Quiet," empowered and inspired life-long introverts like myself to speak up and speak out with pride and confidence. And now we have this wonderful community of like-minded people to share with and support one another! Thank you, Susan!

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Dec 21, 2023Liked by Susan Cain

My workplace is very extrovert oriented... or maybe that's just the world in general. I survived the Christmas party today, but it was painful and I was miserable. It was so loud and nerve shattering. Of course, a large part of the pain was because my daughter is in the hospital and there are hard decisions to make... and as an introvert, I don't tell people how much pain I'm in because I don't think they'd really care... when I'm in pain, I just want to be alone and quiet. Of course, having a few people who care would be nice too...

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Dec 20, 2023Liked by Susan Cain

At a couple of points, I had to pinch myself..."Wait, this is a [virtual] room full of introverts. How cool is this?"

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Dec 20, 2023Liked by Susan Cain

Thank you for the tips. I have used the getaway car idea and I try to change the word problem to challenge. However it is gratifying to know I am no t the only one.

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Dec 20, 2023Liked by Susan Cain

Amazingly enough, there was a sense of belonging created in Sunday's internationally attended online chat. Susan, through your books, letters, and presence you allow that belonging and that sense of safety. I was surprised to feel tearful at the beginning of the chat. And I enjoyed seeing your facial expressions, Susan, as they reflected the care you extended to participants who were courageous enough to ask questions in real time. Thank you for this experience.

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Dec 20, 2023Liked by Susan Cain

What a beautiful gathering, Susan, thank you! I was happy to be part of it. And the Leonard Cohen quotes bookending the experience was really magical for me (he's an inspiration). 💕

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Candlelight Gathering was so lovely. Thank you, Susan, and everyone. Well worth the time. It is also wonderful to feel your authenticity, Susan. Your fame makes you a bit of a celebrity to us, yet you are so unjaded, kind, and interested. Truly delighted to be part of the community.

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