This is a hard one for me, because I often have difficulty separating who I am from what I need to be--for my family as a caregiver. I am, by nature, a caregiver, but as the role has taken hold of most of my life, often separating me from other parts of me that yearn to be--the creative part of me, the wandering part of me. It can be hard to focus on me, what I want, who I want to be. I feel like I'm being true to who I am, but the chaos of life sometimes pulls at me, tearing me away from the things my inner self needs and wants in order to feel fully like myself.
As far as how I put myself out there, I'd say I'm now more comfortable being my true self around others. No more hiding behind a mask. Take me as I am. It's just not worth the effort to try to be what others think I should be, or to fit in. I'm perfectly content to just be me.
Coming from a country without human rights and freedom of speech, I had no way to be both safe from harm and true to myself. I wouldn’t call it pretending, but keeping a low profile (because I didn’t have a choice). Thankfully, ever since I moved to the States, which was about 2 years ago, I’ve been so much closer to my true self. I’m also grateful to my partner in supporting and encouraging my growth. 🩵
I'm growing more and more conscious of who I am and who I want to continue being (both personally and professionally). For a long time, I'd always known I was different, but the "work in progress" for me had always been being okay with being different. Apparently, as an INFJ, we're only at a 2% of the world and I just had to be okay with that without constantly wanting to fit in.
After over a decade of professional therapy, as well as uncountable numbers of self-help books, guidance from the universe, ephemeral and now-forgotten assistance stumbled upon via the internet along the way of this journey - I finally feel, at 47, that I know who I am. I know my values, faults, baggage, demons, gifts and most importantly, that I am (we all are) worthy of love and belonging, just by my/our mere existence. I KNOW this now. This is a gift I would bestow upon everyone if I could. Wouldn't that change the world.
30 years old and still largely pretending. I’m seeing more and more that the growth I’m looking for isn’t healing but rather acceptance. Regardless of how much I want to change, I cannot help but be who I am right now. Pretending I’m fixed doesn’t beget any meaningful change.
I feel like I’m close to being who I truly am. Who I am in my totality is ever-shifting but what is true is that it’s more honest, raw, open, and coherent inside to out. The way I feel this is not that I wasn’t myself in the first trimester of life, but rather that I was selectively so, relegating certain expressions of myself to the alleys of my life, displaying the ones I thought most desirable to others in any given circumstance. What I’ve come to see is that there is huge value in showing up in my wholeness rather than as fragments of myself. I feel a lot more at ease not having to decide which aspects of me to use and which to hide, and life feels more rich when I show up this way. Hide nothing, and, be discerning about what and who you share with.
I took 2024 as a sabbatical year - fewer meetings, more quiet reflective time. As I continue to learn who I am - for no one is static, IMHO, I'm okay with it. I don't need endless activity but relish thinking, reading and writing. And it's not about merely putting journaling the thoughts, but the physicality of putting pen (one of my favorite pens, of course) on paper. The connection of thought with concreteness.
I’m in my second trimester of life and am pretending less as I figure out more about who I am and what’s really important. I have come a long way thanks to therapy, my INTJ father, introvert husband, a couple insightful friends, good role models, kindred spirits, and important lessons I’ve learned/meaning I receive from my work. I’m an INFJ. I feel like I’ve always listened to my intuition but am now beginning to really trust it which seems like a new shift for me. I think this helps me feel like it’s ok to not pretend as much and just be.
I am in my third semester & feel like I am growing more assertive with what I believe in & what I want to do with my days. I've always been a person who backed down if someone wanted to do something different than I did. Now I just say what I TRULY want. I dislike it when I am going somewhere or doing something that I agreed to but really didn't want to go or do. That's not enjoying life! I've realized how fast life goes by, & I don't want to not live each day fully & the way I want.
I'm strolling into my third trimester in a week, and feel like I'm more myself/true to myself than I've ever been. After hitting the wall with an incredibly toxic workplace, combined with a surprise family loss and massive anxiety attack - I decided to jump off the merry-go-round and quit without another job lined up. Therapy helped me find my voice, determine my priorities, and set guard rails around what is important to me to protect. I've finally learned how to give to others without giving myself away in the process, realize that just because others have it worse doesn't mean I should minimize what I'm dealing with (or shame myself about how good I perceive I have it in comparison), and give myself permission to be my authentic self. It's also helped me to realize when I've been judgmental about others (without expressing it), and think more deeply about the place they're coming from. I'm still a work in progress, but appreciate my path more - paying attention not just to the destination but the journey along the way. To echo Kimberly, it truly does feel like I'm in my "acceptance chapter".
This makes so much sense! I like that you say the key is your own self acceptance of your nature and that is so reassuring. Like you my self acceptance can definitely ebb and flow depending on the people I’m around or the situations. And I can live with that, knowing “this too shall pass” can be reassuring 😃
Ah I was. I was just going to say that, deep into my second trimester -- and after all the work I've done on this subject -- I feel both a deep acceptance of my quiet, solitude-seeking nature - and also (honestly) a frustration with how that acceptance occasionally eludes me, still, when I find myself in certain kinds of environments (middle school visits, certain parties, etc.). I do feel lucky to live the vast majority of my life within that sphere of self-acceptance - which maybe makes it all the more surprising (and unsettling) when it does elude me. But all things are a work in progress. I just read the most amazing quote from Nietzsche: "The end of the melody is not its goal."
As I enter the third trimester of my life, I feel like a caterpillar on the verge of becoming a butterfly. Something within me is shifting, even though I can't fully explain it. It's a feeling that transformation is just around the corner. One small example—I’m no longer embarrassed when I forget someone’s name. In fact, it feels freeing to be honest about these moments and to embrace who I truly am, rather than pretending otherwise. The changes feel subtle but profound, and I’m excited to see where this journey leads.
I’m way into the third trimester (77) and I’m more true to myself than when I was younger, but I’ve been a pleaser all my life. So I can’t declare victory. I am more open about claiming my quiet time and worry less how others react.
Yes I have reached the point of being who I truly am. For all on the journey, keep going, the 3rd trimester is worth it. Definitely a time of assimilation of experiences and insight, mostly into the role I played in having the experiences I did.
This is a hard one for me, because I often have difficulty separating who I am from what I need to be--for my family as a caregiver. I am, by nature, a caregiver, but as the role has taken hold of most of my life, often separating me from other parts of me that yearn to be--the creative part of me, the wandering part of me. It can be hard to focus on me, what I want, who I want to be. I feel like I'm being true to who I am, but the chaos of life sometimes pulls at me, tearing me away from the things my inner self needs and wants in order to feel fully like myself.
As far as how I put myself out there, I'd say I'm now more comfortable being my true self around others. No more hiding behind a mask. Take me as I am. It's just not worth the effort to try to be what others think I should be, or to fit in. I'm perfectly content to just be me.
Coming from a country without human rights and freedom of speech, I had no way to be both safe from harm and true to myself. I wouldn’t call it pretending, but keeping a low profile (because I didn’t have a choice). Thankfully, ever since I moved to the States, which was about 2 years ago, I’ve been so much closer to my true self. I’m also grateful to my partner in supporting and encouraging my growth. 🩵
I'm growing more and more conscious of who I am and who I want to continue being (both personally and professionally). For a long time, I'd always known I was different, but the "work in progress" for me had always been being okay with being different. Apparently, as an INFJ, we're only at a 2% of the world and I just had to be okay with that without constantly wanting to fit in.
I like being a 'work in progress.'
After over a decade of professional therapy, as well as uncountable numbers of self-help books, guidance from the universe, ephemeral and now-forgotten assistance stumbled upon via the internet along the way of this journey - I finally feel, at 47, that I know who I am. I know my values, faults, baggage, demons, gifts and most importantly, that I am (we all are) worthy of love and belonging, just by my/our mere existence. I KNOW this now. This is a gift I would bestow upon everyone if I could. Wouldn't that change the world.
30 years old and still largely pretending. I’m seeing more and more that the growth I’m looking for isn’t healing but rather acceptance. Regardless of how much I want to change, I cannot help but be who I am right now. Pretending I’m fixed doesn’t beget any meaningful change.
I realize this doesn't fully help but you are so so young. I think few people have reached self-acceptance by age 30. Be patient w yourself!
I feel like I’m close to being who I truly am. Who I am in my totality is ever-shifting but what is true is that it’s more honest, raw, open, and coherent inside to out. The way I feel this is not that I wasn’t myself in the first trimester of life, but rather that I was selectively so, relegating certain expressions of myself to the alleys of my life, displaying the ones I thought most desirable to others in any given circumstance. What I’ve come to see is that there is huge value in showing up in my wholeness rather than as fragments of myself. I feel a lot more at ease not having to decide which aspects of me to use and which to hide, and life feels more rich when I show up this way. Hide nothing, and, be discerning about what and who you share with.
I took 2024 as a sabbatical year - fewer meetings, more quiet reflective time. As I continue to learn who I am - for no one is static, IMHO, I'm okay with it. I don't need endless activity but relish thinking, reading and writing. And it's not about merely putting journaling the thoughts, but the physicality of putting pen (one of my favorite pens, of course) on paper. The connection of thought with concreteness.
I’m in my second trimester of life and am pretending less as I figure out more about who I am and what’s really important. I have come a long way thanks to therapy, my INTJ father, introvert husband, a couple insightful friends, good role models, kindred spirits, and important lessons I’ve learned/meaning I receive from my work. I’m an INFJ. I feel like I’ve always listened to my intuition but am now beginning to really trust it which seems like a new shift for me. I think this helps me feel like it’s ok to not pretend as much and just be.
I am in my third semester & feel like I am growing more assertive with what I believe in & what I want to do with my days. I've always been a person who backed down if someone wanted to do something different than I did. Now I just say what I TRULY want. I dislike it when I am going somewhere or doing something that I agreed to but really didn't want to go or do. That's not enjoying life! I've realized how fast life goes by, & I don't want to not live each day fully & the way I want.
I'm strolling into my third trimester in a week, and feel like I'm more myself/true to myself than I've ever been. After hitting the wall with an incredibly toxic workplace, combined with a surprise family loss and massive anxiety attack - I decided to jump off the merry-go-round and quit without another job lined up. Therapy helped me find my voice, determine my priorities, and set guard rails around what is important to me to protect. I've finally learned how to give to others without giving myself away in the process, realize that just because others have it worse doesn't mean I should minimize what I'm dealing with (or shame myself about how good I perceive I have it in comparison), and give myself permission to be my authentic self. It's also helped me to realize when I've been judgmental about others (without expressing it), and think more deeply about the place they're coming from. I'm still a work in progress, but appreciate my path more - paying attention not just to the destination but the journey along the way. To echo Kimberly, it truly does feel like I'm in my "acceptance chapter".
@SusanCain….. Were you going to comment your viewpoint as well? Or have I missed it?
This makes so much sense! I like that you say the key is your own self acceptance of your nature and that is so reassuring. Like you my self acceptance can definitely ebb and flow depending on the people I’m around or the situations. And I can live with that, knowing “this too shall pass” can be reassuring 😃
Ah I was. I was just going to say that, deep into my second trimester -- and after all the work I've done on this subject -- I feel both a deep acceptance of my quiet, solitude-seeking nature - and also (honestly) a frustration with how that acceptance occasionally eludes me, still, when I find myself in certain kinds of environments (middle school visits, certain parties, etc.). I do feel lucky to live the vast majority of my life within that sphere of self-acceptance - which maybe makes it all the more surprising (and unsettling) when it does elude me. But all things are a work in progress. I just read the most amazing quote from Nietzsche: "The end of the melody is not its goal."
Susan, I meant to add, take a look at these new care concepts opening for women: https://newsroom.ohiohealth.com/ohiohealth-opens-fourth-trimester-clinic-at-ohiohealth-dublin-methodist-hospital-first-of-its-kind-in-the-area/ https://4thtrimestercare.org/ About time!!! I present you with the title of your next book :) 4th trimester care. (I have a feeling the third trimester gets divided into 2 parts, judging from some 95-100 yr old folks I know)
As I enter the third trimester of my life, I feel like a caterpillar on the verge of becoming a butterfly. Something within me is shifting, even though I can't fully explain it. It's a feeling that transformation is just around the corner. One small example—I’m no longer embarrassed when I forget someone’s name. In fact, it feels freeing to be honest about these moments and to embrace who I truly am, rather than pretending otherwise. The changes feel subtle but profound, and I’m excited to see where this journey leads.
I’m way into the third trimester (77) and I’m more true to myself than when I was younger, but I’ve been a pleaser all my life. So I can’t declare victory. I am more open about claiming my quiet time and worry less how others react.
I turn 54 tomorrow and I feel i am just at the begining of being who I trully are.
Yes I have reached the point of being who I truly am. For all on the journey, keep going, the 3rd trimester is worth it. Definitely a time of assimilation of experiences and insight, mostly into the role I played in having the experiences I did.