42 Comments
Jun 24Liked by Susan Cain

The pattern of results seems to suggest that taking even small but consistent steps toward pulling one’s behaviors in alignment with one’s desired traits has the potential to produce trait growth.”

However, is there possibility to make this alignment? And what the kind of matching between desired traits and behaviour of two people are different from each other.?

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Thanks for a great article with practical advice!

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I found this article quite hopeful as I assumed that certain personality traits were dug in and not changeable. Instead, they are more like habits, changeable if focused on enough. I'd like to be more extraverted, not because I don't enjoy being an introvert or think introversion is bad, but because it would help me to stand up to the more extraverted people in my life. I tend to go quiet and stop trying when faced with too much extraversion. I'd like to change that and stay more in the moment and be more of myself.

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Jan 30·edited Feb 15

I am trying to not project worry about tomorrow particularly about my husband and how I will survive when God calls him home.

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Jan 28Liked by Susan Cain

One of the first books I read upon my late-in-life autism diagnosis had this lump of coal in it: ‘Good luck if you are already over 35 years old.’ Another author said in their book ‘Just give up on that goal or dream you had.’

Reading this has offered hope to get out of autistic burnout.

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The trait I would most like to change is anxiety..... I've made a career out of it, but it's still a work in progress 🙃

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Hi, anxiety is not a trait (it becomes a state of mind when you repeat a certain thought over and over agin and believe this thought/believe). It is an emotion (every emotion only lasts 90 sec!). The basis is fear. And fear tells you that you may take charge again (of your thoughts). Let the feeling go through your body. Embrace it. And CHOOSE to stop the thinking about the destructive and hindering thought/believe/conviction. You have a choice - every time.

The lesson is to know that you have a choice to believe or not to believe the conviction. It asks of you to take responsibility of your thoughts. Good luck!

For more info follow Vera Helleman https://www.verahelleman.com/coach/. She's the trainer of

my emotion coaching education I follow at the moment. Brilliant mind and she helps you to learn to navigate your emotions and learn the messages behind them, so that you can grow. Emotions are a tool in life. Learn to see that your anxiety is a gift for you, to grow... Wish you all the best.

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Thanks Patricia. I'm a clinical psychologist and trauma therapist, so it's pretty familiar territory! I wasn't really looking for advice here

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Jan 27Liked by Susan Cain

When I read the question, I thought "Of course!" I feel like my whole life, I've felt like I should be trying to improve myself, so perhaps I should explore the idea of self acceptance as well. I wonder where this belief in self-improvement came from, and I'll reflect on that. However I think striving for self-improvement is still a good goal for me because I think some of my traits are keeping me from the peace and ease of mind that I want to achieve. I was excited to see the challenges SBK suggested, and I see that I have already considered (if not implemented) some of the suggestions in the list for the trait that stood out to me. Maybe this is a good sign I'm on the right track.

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Jan 26Liked by Susan Cain

Hello all!

To change personality traits I see it is ok to try doing for one day, to change from easy going to tough. Just kidding. 🌹

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The challenges mentioned are to improve towards one side of the continuum, as if that is the best way to be.

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SBK has many exercises on how to be more extroverted. Apparently introversion is bad! I’m not buying this. At this point in my life I’m not looking for a way to be more extroverted/agreeable/productive, all supported by extensive test data. I would like a path with more heart and soul. My money is on Susan Cain. Maybe if I did the exercises on being more agreeable, I wouldn’t have written this post. :-)

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What a fantastic, hopeful resource! Thank you both so much. I've noticed myself changing over the last 10 years in particular in very positive ways.

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Hmmm..I find the term “personality change” a little grating…on first read/consideration. My first thought was “I am who I am”: gifts, regrets, beneficial and unbeneficial habits, aspirations…all me! I absolutely possess personality traits that do not serve me well and/or are not of benefit to those I love. That being said, I still resist the thought that I aspire to change my personality. I do resonate with the intentionally modifying my behavior…like altering the direction of the proverbial oil tanker…it takes time, intention, awareness, conscious effort, practice….actually…consciousness!

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Jan 25Liked by Susan Cain

not having developed skills to deal with life's regrets + the inclination of humans to think that perfect is attainable may prevent us from embracing who we truly are -- our true self, with the easy ways and with the oh-gosh ways! particular social methods for being with others is a good idea; the wave of who we are might best be seen in the light of "how is that a good thing?" waves and particles -- who we are and how we can be more user-friendly and still know that regrets exist and perfection is not ours to grasp

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Wow, SO timely! I just led a 2024 goal setting workshop that included a lot of the behavioral change techniques this article discussed. I'm going to send it to my participants as a follow up resource.

And that study that's cited; gold. I love the idea of providing people with a roadmap of small steps to take to help us grow towards the direction we'd like to become.

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If i could fly, I wish I could fly very high and watch storms, especially thunderstorms, from a perspective no one else sees. If I could fly I wish I could fly very fast to different cities or countries, visit them, maybe fly to Florida and live there, and also fly to different planets like Mars. Or, fly like a bird and enjoy the vistas and views of valleys, mountains, lakes, and get away from all the crazy rat race.

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With regard to time travel: The way things are going in this dangerous time, if I could time travel, I would go into the future. I would first of all, go find out who wins this year's Presidential election. Then I would travel into 2025 or beyond, aand see what the future holds. Depending on the outcome of the election and how that affected national, world events, if it was a bleak dire outcome from the election, and if horrible things were happening in the mid or late 2020s, I would come back to this present date in 2024 and warn the public of what the future holds, so we could change the future and prevent some kind of calamity, and to make America great again. As well as the world, and to heal society from its' social sickness.

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