It is so great to hear about successful introverted women in the military. I thought is\t was hard enough to be an introverted female leader in tech. I also got feedback to speak up more, "lead out in front more." I love this line "Sometimes the real power of leadership lies in what you don’t see. Not in fine words or grand gestures, but in the small actions that create space for others to do their work properly." Introverts love to do our work in the background, but unfortunately especially in the corporate world it is not always recognized. Introverts can be underestimated. We need more introverts in leadership like the General to recognize those unique strengths of introverts so they are not overlooked. Thank you Susan and General for sharing your stories to inspire us all.
What a wonderful, kindred-spirit type read for me! I am a female officer in the Coast Guard with 12-years of experience and think I perhaps lead quite similarly, though at a more junior level. I will certainly plan to read her book.
Susan’s first TED talk (watched when it was new, and I was still in college) had a significant impact on me, and reading her book a few years ago was another validating thought-inspiring read. It’s wonderful when we find similarly-minded persons in the Coast Guard (a branch recently receiving more attention by our govt’s pushing/advertisement of drug ops + border control), though still a bit rare as a male/extroverted workplace. However, while still quite outnumbered, many, if not most, individuals join the CG to help people, especially at a local level. So hope remains for quieter leadership succeeding, and continued connection.
In time, I’ve learned to lean on my quiet leadership. It’s never an immediate acceptance, but a longer one when results are able to be seen and the strength of my teams is real. Frankly, I think that quiet confidence frustrates some of the most boisterous, full-of-bluster types I work alongside. 😆
Anyway, thank you for sharing Susan! Looking forward to the full read.
So inspiring to see someone in such a "loud" environment to provide a voice for quiet.
That is so important, because despite there are 2% of these people, these 2% are the ones than enable truly powerful and transforming insights, the ones that really see the whole and see beyond.
Thanks, General. I appreciate your presence, and I hope for years to come we can continue showing more of this leadership that comes from the heart, which is so needed these days.
Thanks also to you, Susan, our Dear Duchess of Quiet.
Susan and General Boekholt-O'Sullivan, thank you. This is so wonderful to read. Only yesterday, I reflected to another group that like the General, 'Quiet' had a significant impact on my life. It's interesting that a great friend's future son-in-law works in SWAT and is sent into crisis situations all the time. But his manner is gentle and quiet and he achieves the same outcome as the louder ones around him.
So lovely to also read how far-reaching your work, Susan, has taken you. I doubt you expected to be addressing senior people in the military as a result. Bravo and wonderful for you.
Thank you, Susan for sharing - this is absolutely impressive! So heartfelt and exactly as you put it bestow back morality to leadership! Your questions are interesting, but the only (strong) reaction, made me point to all those (male) leaders, e.g. United States Secretary of War that might not even ever have heard of morality and/or introverts and are in power nevertheless. . . - it’s terrifying!
"When have you felt most effectively led — and what qualities did that leader embody?"
When I was in my twenties, I worked in a payroll office. Everyone wanted to work for my boss--he was a wonderful man. Reserved, quiet, effective, fair. When I first arrived, I was the youngest person in that office, most of the team members were 10-20 years older than me. One thing struck me--everyone worked in teams of two, both checking the work of the other person. I wondered why, and me being a young adult at the time, confident and ready to do a good job, I had to ask my boss that question. Why do we check each other's work? Shouldn't we all just be accountable for our own work? Here was the quiet one in the office, the newbie, approaching her boss on something that had been bouncing around in my brain for months. I thought about, contemplated not asking and just going along, but I spent quite some time thinking it through before I posed the question.
When I asked him if I could just do my work, without having to team up and be responsible for the work I was doing, he agreed. Soon after, things like Excel were popping up, but we were still doing accounting on paper. I teamed up with our assistant supervisor and we built spreadsheets to show to our boss. I was silently doing work on the side to show him how we could increase productivity and make things so much easier. He had initially said we were going to stick with what we were doing, but I insisted he allow me to explain the software and show him how the spreadsheets worked. He was impressed and things changed. Quiet, young, naive me worked to make changes in our department. Not in a loud and commanding way, but quietly finding ways to improve things.
Honestly, I believe my confidence in doing these things had a lot to do with my boss. He was a good listener, he connected with his employees, he cared. And mistakes could always be fixed--there was never any reason to feel anxious about a mistake that had been made. He took me on the moment I walked in the door--grooming me to move up the ranks, even though I told him I would never want to be a boss. He did see something in me, though, something I never thought anyone would notice. He had faith in me, despite being the quiet kid sitting in the corner cubicle. I'm quite sure that my success in the office was due to his willingness to allow me to be who I am, to see that even the quiet ones have good ideas and can create change and make a difference.
Making time to think about a business or personal challenge is necessary in part because it allows the power and knowledge of our subconscious mind to help solve problems.
Regarding factors of Success in life. There is a stack of elements to be successful. To be skillful, much money, well-educated person, are not enough, sometimes we need to replace our workplace.
Always, if the leaders wants to think deeply and make a space to all participants extroverts and introverts, I think it is easier to distinguish good ideas coming from all both sides.
I just heard this (from Simon Sinek, paraphrasing):
The female military leader, Dede Halfhill, who was very successful, was given command of a military base in Iraq. The first six months were awful, and she ended up very unhappy and failing. She then changed her goal. She no longer wanted the base to be the best-run base, but the people to have the best possible time before they finally got to go home. This turned everything around.
One feedback she got: "If a man yells at me while giving feedback, I accept it. When a woman does the same, I feel my mother is yelling at me."
I do not want to say that women should lead quietly, while men can afford to be loud. I see this less as a gender issue and more as a personality issue. She wanted to lead as she had learned and been shown.
But more than that, even, it is a matter of how the people you lead receive your style.
I don't know how we came to associate intelligence with extraversion, authority with loudness, and leadership qualities with visibility. We used to think that great leaders had character, were honest, and thoughtful. Not that these are opposites in any way, these are merely different dimensions.
I would much rather have a military leader who is capable, trustworthy, and strategically outstanding than a loud person who is always in the spotlight.
But one question remains for me. Military leaders, especially, but also leaders in business and the church, lead from position, whether loud or quiet. They get their authority from three stars, three letters (starting with C), or the designation "Senior" before their functional description.
How about natural hierarchies that arise when needed around the people best suited for the job and are deconstructed when done? Their level of loudness would only be one of many characteristics, and in many situations, a rather negligible one.
It is so great to hear about successful introverted women in the military. I thought is\t was hard enough to be an introverted female leader in tech. I also got feedback to speak up more, "lead out in front more." I love this line "Sometimes the real power of leadership lies in what you don’t see. Not in fine words or grand gestures, but in the small actions that create space for others to do their work properly." Introverts love to do our work in the background, but unfortunately especially in the corporate world it is not always recognized. Introverts can be underestimated. We need more introverts in leadership like the General to recognize those unique strengths of introverts so they are not overlooked. Thank you Susan and General for sharing your stories to inspire us all.
What a wonderful, kindred-spirit type read for me! I am a female officer in the Coast Guard with 12-years of experience and think I perhaps lead quite similarly, though at a more junior level. I will certainly plan to read her book.
Susan’s first TED talk (watched when it was new, and I was still in college) had a significant impact on me, and reading her book a few years ago was another validating thought-inspiring read. It’s wonderful when we find similarly-minded persons in the Coast Guard (a branch recently receiving more attention by our govt’s pushing/advertisement of drug ops + border control), though still a bit rare as a male/extroverted workplace. However, while still quite outnumbered, many, if not most, individuals join the CG to help people, especially at a local level. So hope remains for quieter leadership succeeding, and continued connection.
In time, I’ve learned to lean on my quiet leadership. It’s never an immediate acceptance, but a longer one when results are able to be seen and the strength of my teams is real. Frankly, I think that quiet confidence frustrates some of the most boisterous, full-of-bluster types I work alongside. 😆
Anyway, thank you for sharing Susan! Looking forward to the full read.
This was truly beautiful.
So inspiring to see someone in such a "loud" environment to provide a voice for quiet.
That is so important, because despite there are 2% of these people, these 2% are the ones than enable truly powerful and transforming insights, the ones that really see the whole and see beyond.
Thanks, General. I appreciate your presence, and I hope for years to come we can continue showing more of this leadership that comes from the heart, which is so needed these days.
Thanks also to you, Susan, our Dear Duchess of Quiet.
Susan and General Boekholt-O'Sullivan, thank you. This is so wonderful to read. Only yesterday, I reflected to another group that like the General, 'Quiet' had a significant impact on my life. It's interesting that a great friend's future son-in-law works in SWAT and is sent into crisis situations all the time. But his manner is gentle and quiet and he achieves the same outcome as the louder ones around him.
So lovely to also read how far-reaching your work, Susan, has taken you. I doubt you expected to be addressing senior people in the military as a result. Bravo and wonderful for you.
Big love to you both x
Thank you, Susan for sharing - this is absolutely impressive! So heartfelt and exactly as you put it bestow back morality to leadership! Your questions are interesting, but the only (strong) reaction, made me point to all those (male) leaders, e.g. United States Secretary of War that might not even ever have heard of morality and/or introverts and are in power nevertheless. . . - it’s terrifying!
"When have you felt most effectively led — and what qualities did that leader embody?"
When I was in my twenties, I worked in a payroll office. Everyone wanted to work for my boss--he was a wonderful man. Reserved, quiet, effective, fair. When I first arrived, I was the youngest person in that office, most of the team members were 10-20 years older than me. One thing struck me--everyone worked in teams of two, both checking the work of the other person. I wondered why, and me being a young adult at the time, confident and ready to do a good job, I had to ask my boss that question. Why do we check each other's work? Shouldn't we all just be accountable for our own work? Here was the quiet one in the office, the newbie, approaching her boss on something that had been bouncing around in my brain for months. I thought about, contemplated not asking and just going along, but I spent quite some time thinking it through before I posed the question.
When I asked him if I could just do my work, without having to team up and be responsible for the work I was doing, he agreed. Soon after, things like Excel were popping up, but we were still doing accounting on paper. I teamed up with our assistant supervisor and we built spreadsheets to show to our boss. I was silently doing work on the side to show him how we could increase productivity and make things so much easier. He had initially said we were going to stick with what we were doing, but I insisted he allow me to explain the software and show him how the spreadsheets worked. He was impressed and things changed. Quiet, young, naive me worked to make changes in our department. Not in a loud and commanding way, but quietly finding ways to improve things.
Honestly, I believe my confidence in doing these things had a lot to do with my boss. He was a good listener, he connected with his employees, he cared. And mistakes could always be fixed--there was never any reason to feel anxious about a mistake that had been made. He took me on the moment I walked in the door--grooming me to move up the ranks, even though I told him I would never want to be a boss. He did see something in me, though, something I never thought anyone would notice. He had faith in me, despite being the quiet kid sitting in the corner cubicle. I'm quite sure that my success in the office was due to his willingness to allow me to be who I am, to see that even the quiet ones have good ideas and can create change and make a difference.
I facilitate a creative memoir/writing group of seniors
I always begin with guided breath, work, and meditation
This gives them a chance to Center before they move into their stories and validate their lives
It’s such an honor to witness this 🙏
Making time to think about a business or personal challenge is necessary in part because it allows the power and knowledge of our subconscious mind to help solve problems.
This excerpt reminds me of one of my favorite Susan Cain teachings. There is zero correlation to being a big talker and having the best ideas.
Regarding factors of Success in life. There is a stack of elements to be successful. To be skillful, much money, well-educated person, are not enough, sometimes we need to replace our workplace.
Always, if the leaders wants to think deeply and make a space to all participants extroverts and introverts, I think it is easier to distinguish good ideas coming from all both sides.
Lovely, how lovely to organize and regulate a quiet leadership symposium.
I just heard this (from Simon Sinek, paraphrasing):
The female military leader, Dede Halfhill, who was very successful, was given command of a military base in Iraq. The first six months were awful, and she ended up very unhappy and failing. She then changed her goal. She no longer wanted the base to be the best-run base, but the people to have the best possible time before they finally got to go home. This turned everything around.
One feedback she got: "If a man yells at me while giving feedback, I accept it. When a woman does the same, I feel my mother is yelling at me."
I do not want to say that women should lead quietly, while men can afford to be loud. I see this less as a gender issue and more as a personality issue. She wanted to lead as she had learned and been shown.
But more than that, even, it is a matter of how the people you lead receive your style.
This was such a beautiful read. Thank you x
I notice the impact pace has. We are in a hurry.
I remind my clients that if they are in a hurry, their mind is in the future.
Their choices are in the moment they are in.
The resistance to taking a breath & thinking is profound.
I don't know how we came to associate intelligence with extraversion, authority with loudness, and leadership qualities with visibility. We used to think that great leaders had character, were honest, and thoughtful. Not that these are opposites in any way, these are merely different dimensions.
I would much rather have a military leader who is capable, trustworthy, and strategically outstanding than a loud person who is always in the spotlight.
But one question remains for me. Military leaders, especially, but also leaders in business and the church, lead from position, whether loud or quiet. They get their authority from three stars, three letters (starting with C), or the designation "Senior" before their functional description.
How about natural hierarchies that arise when needed around the people best suited for the job and are deconstructed when done? Their level of loudness would only be one of many characteristics, and in many situations, a rather negligible one.