My dad taught me that the simple everyday things bring the greatest joy--things like sunshine streaming in the windows in the morning, a tail wag from a beloved pet, autumn leaves in full color, holiday lights twinkling, and spending the everyday moments with the ones you love.
My Dad, an introvert, by the way and an accountant turned writer(I think you’d like him, Susan 😉) still follows his mantra to this day. Life is all about balance. Makes sense, being a libra and all. Ha!
My mother taught me how to pray, to be curious and the love learning for learning sake but most of all make time to sing and find laughter and fun things to do. Oh and if you find a friend nurture and keep them.
My father was a pediatrician. He always wanted to be a doctor and prepared continuously so he would be accepted to med school. Good works - but he needn’t have worried. Already he applied himself in undergraduate school to not only ace those tests but to be recognized & rewarded for his efforts to attend to others.
Fast forward to what he most imparted to me as a physician. He worked very hard ( but he knew how to relax in down-time, building “”hi-fi” components, playing paddle sports, e. g. Squash, tennis and becoming our neighborhood’s first jogger). So, work hard at what you love and feel called to do. And work for others, not just for yourself or your convenience. He took shifts at the hospital or on call so another physician of another faith could be with his loved ones, e. g. Dad worked Xmas, so Christians could celebrate. But mostly what he showed me was generosity and as he would say it, “caring for those who could not pay him in money.” He made house calls and saw patients at his office anytime who needed a doc but could not pay. Mostly poorer people of color, & word got around. He cared and used his skills and his heart and went well beyond “ do no harm”. Folks insisted on “paying” him and we benefited in beautiful scrumptious casseroles, (and my recipe for red beans and rice, and greens!) southern pecan goodies, and acts of love and helping. Give of yourself and your skills with heart, not for money, ‘tho a”trade” was insisted upon due to the practice & preservation of dignity & “ no handouts”. And a kindness came over my Dad then, and a curiosity or imagination, because he wasn’t following protocol. His politics followed what he learned & saw, although he had no inclination nor time to be politically active in Democratic circles. But he was practicing “ equal access” and I learned to respect him even more. He earned it. By the way, my mother supported him wholeheartedly, understood his longer hours working taking care of sick kids, and ‘tho I imagine his ego couldn’t have handled it, wouldn’t have recognized Mom’s liberalism and partnership in this. And it did come from his heart and. In science, to help those in need, less fortunate, who needed medical care. And then, he could really be, just “Doc”!
There is such a thing as generational behavior. Tendencies and behaviors that are passed on genetically or learned, or most likely both. But generational behaviors can be willfully stopped as well. When my mother was a little girl she would lay in bed crying at night listening to her parents violently arguing. She made up her mind to never do that to her children. As a result, I never saw my parents argue. Hard to believe, but true.
My paternal grandfather was an orphan. He had no examples of fatherhood to follow. I often wonder if he at least had a male mentor in his life.
My mother taught me, through her example the following:
1. If it needs doing, then it is worth doing with all of your effort.
2. To forgive others as they have their own struggles. Help them when you can and forgive them.
3. Prayer is powerful. Pray for others, it works. I was a product of her praying me through tough circumstances and situations
4. Consistency should be strived for, but never turn down an opportunity for adventure.
5. Inside of you are wonderful gifts, let them out, explore them, never let the discouragement of another keep you from learning new things nor doing new things, the outcome is usually very rewarding.
6. Love, with all your heart, even when it hurts.
7. Laugh. At yourself, with others and never take yourself so seriously that you miss the laughter around you. Find the joy in every situation.
What a wonderful article about your father! My father taught me to accept all people, not to be impressed by the famous or those with big titles, and to rally for the underdog.
When I was seeing a Life Coach and trying to understand myself better, I asked him what his best quality was. He's humble and said he wasn't sure, but then went on to say he would drop everything to help someone else. That was powerful to hear. I had never fully recognized that side of him until that moment. It was so true and heartwarming.
I love this message from your father, and from you, so much. It’s so needed in our society and culture, and of course, individually in our own daily lives.
My father still teaches me - in his difficult life experiences he doesn't complain and doesn't grumble. He of the 1926 vintage, lived most of the war in southern Vichy France. His best friends at school were Jewish and he would walk proudly with them. The friends were good men and many in the community followed the ideology of the Nazis - so his was not an easy position to take. He lived out his faith in those ways. Yes, he would have agreed with your father: He's stepping up to the plate and doing the kitchen cleanup, more of the household tasks, since Mom is experiencing living with the first phases of dementia. He does not play the victim but has shown resilience, adaptability to the huge changes in society, and is a caring father and grandfather. He walks 2-3 kilometers every day, much more slowly now, yet is admired by his much younger neighbors. Yes, the parents still live independently. He gave up driving after 80 years with a license. But he was still mindfully driving - we were just concerned about all the other people on the roads, not as considerate as him. On top of that, he lives life with gusto. He was a great downhill skier and loves to remember the ski jumping of younger days. Did I mention, he was faithful to the same woman for 75 years? Tuesday we celebrated his 98th birthday with a toast of French champagne and lots of laughs hearing stories. You should have seen him when he spread out his arms with gusto, as though he was still ski jumping. Totally inspiring!
When I was growing up in the 40s, we lived in a rural community. Men who rode the box cars climbed off the trains in rural communities and went house to house asking for money. My mother never turned anyone away. Not only did she provide a bit of money but she also gave each one a small lunch. Her own family, as well as the community, criticized her. Her reply became a life-long value for me when she said, "I would rather be taken advantage of by 9 people than miss someone who needs my help."
My father who I lost 2 years ago was the most important influence on my life. His wise and present words were my guide over many many years.
I miss him but I can finally remember him with bittersweetness.
Knowing I am going to be ok and also knowing all he poured into me is enough and will guide me forwards.
Good Dads are precious.
I appreciate so much the tenderness in this post and this lovely spaced you’ve made for so many here on Substack. Thank you!
My dad taught me that the simple everyday things bring the greatest joy--things like sunshine streaming in the windows in the morning, a tail wag from a beloved pet, autumn leaves in full color, holiday lights twinkling, and spending the everyday moments with the ones you love.
thanks for this post. deeply felt. this is the central theme of my Substack, and my life.
My Dad, an introvert, by the way and an accountant turned writer(I think you’d like him, Susan 😉) still follows his mantra to this day. Life is all about balance. Makes sense, being a libra and all. Ha!
This is something I also try to live by each day.
Love the old photo of your father, Susan. ☺️
My mother taught me how to pray, to be curious and the love learning for learning sake but most of all make time to sing and find laughter and fun things to do. Oh and if you find a friend nurture and keep them.
My father was a pediatrician. He always wanted to be a doctor and prepared continuously so he would be accepted to med school. Good works - but he needn’t have worried. Already he applied himself in undergraduate school to not only ace those tests but to be recognized & rewarded for his efforts to attend to others.
Fast forward to what he most imparted to me as a physician. He worked very hard ( but he knew how to relax in down-time, building “”hi-fi” components, playing paddle sports, e. g. Squash, tennis and becoming our neighborhood’s first jogger). So, work hard at what you love and feel called to do. And work for others, not just for yourself or your convenience. He took shifts at the hospital or on call so another physician of another faith could be with his loved ones, e. g. Dad worked Xmas, so Christians could celebrate. But mostly what he showed me was generosity and as he would say it, “caring for those who could not pay him in money.” He made house calls and saw patients at his office anytime who needed a doc but could not pay. Mostly poorer people of color, & word got around. He cared and used his skills and his heart and went well beyond “ do no harm”. Folks insisted on “paying” him and we benefited in beautiful scrumptious casseroles, (and my recipe for red beans and rice, and greens!) southern pecan goodies, and acts of love and helping. Give of yourself and your skills with heart, not for money, ‘tho a”trade” was insisted upon due to the practice & preservation of dignity & “ no handouts”. And a kindness came over my Dad then, and a curiosity or imagination, because he wasn’t following protocol. His politics followed what he learned & saw, although he had no inclination nor time to be politically active in Democratic circles. But he was practicing “ equal access” and I learned to respect him even more. He earned it. By the way, my mother supported him wholeheartedly, understood his longer hours working taking care of sick kids, and ‘tho I imagine his ego couldn’t have handled it, wouldn’t have recognized Mom’s liberalism and partnership in this. And it did come from his heart and. In science, to help those in need, less fortunate, who needed medical care. And then, he could really be, just “Doc”!
So beautiful. My spouse is a physician too, and just lost his beloved mother. I shared this writing with him. 💛
Thank you so much, Glenda.
There is such a thing as generational behavior. Tendencies and behaviors that are passed on genetically or learned, or most likely both. But generational behaviors can be willfully stopped as well. When my mother was a little girl she would lay in bed crying at night listening to her parents violently arguing. She made up her mind to never do that to her children. As a result, I never saw my parents argue. Hard to believe, but true.
My paternal grandfather was an orphan. He had no examples of fatherhood to follow. I often wonder if he at least had a male mentor in his life.
My mother taught me, through her example the following:
1. If it needs doing, then it is worth doing with all of your effort.
2. To forgive others as they have their own struggles. Help them when you can and forgive them.
3. Prayer is powerful. Pray for others, it works. I was a product of her praying me through tough circumstances and situations
4. Consistency should be strived for, but never turn down an opportunity for adventure.
5. Inside of you are wonderful gifts, let them out, explore them, never let the discouragement of another keep you from learning new things nor doing new things, the outcome is usually very rewarding.
6. Love, with all your heart, even when it hurts.
7. Laugh. At yourself, with others and never take yourself so seriously that you miss the laughter around you. Find the joy in every situation.
Your number 3 resonates with me. My son’s taken it to ‘the extreme’ he wants to be ‘the next Pope’ #HowToRaiseAPope
What a wonderful article about your father! My father taught me to accept all people, not to be impressed by the famous or those with big titles, and to rally for the underdog.
When I was seeing a Life Coach and trying to understand myself better, I asked him what his best quality was. He's humble and said he wasn't sure, but then went on to say he would drop everything to help someone else. That was powerful to hear. I had never fully recognized that side of him until that moment. It was so true and heartwarming.
I love this message from your father, and from you, so much. It’s so needed in our society and culture, and of course, individually in our own daily lives.
You've touched my heart ❤️
My father still teaches me - in his difficult life experiences he doesn't complain and doesn't grumble. He of the 1926 vintage, lived most of the war in southern Vichy France. His best friends at school were Jewish and he would walk proudly with them. The friends were good men and many in the community followed the ideology of the Nazis - so his was not an easy position to take. He lived out his faith in those ways. Yes, he would have agreed with your father: He's stepping up to the plate and doing the kitchen cleanup, more of the household tasks, since Mom is experiencing living with the first phases of dementia. He does not play the victim but has shown resilience, adaptability to the huge changes in society, and is a caring father and grandfather. He walks 2-3 kilometers every day, much more slowly now, yet is admired by his much younger neighbors. Yes, the parents still live independently. He gave up driving after 80 years with a license. But he was still mindfully driving - we were just concerned about all the other people on the roads, not as considerate as him. On top of that, he lives life with gusto. He was a great downhill skier and loves to remember the ski jumping of younger days. Did I mention, he was faithful to the same woman for 75 years? Tuesday we celebrated his 98th birthday with a toast of French champagne and lots of laughs hearing stories. You should have seen him when he spread out his arms with gusto, as though he was still ski jumping. Totally inspiring!
what an incredible recollection - thank you, Laurie!
When I was growing up in the 40s, we lived in a rural community. Men who rode the box cars climbed off the trains in rural communities and went house to house asking for money. My mother never turned anyone away. Not only did she provide a bit of money but she also gave each one a small lunch. Her own family, as well as the community, criticized her. Her reply became a life-long value for me when she said, "I would rather be taken advantage of by 9 people than miss someone who needs my help."
goosebumps. I will remember her reply for a long time.
PS Susan, this was such a great question to ask. Reading through what people wrote about their lessons is so inspiring!!!