My dad taught me determination, hard work, to keep on trying and to enjoy life. He was emotionally absent and verbally abusive - a result of his upbringing and a source of much pain and confusion for me. My mum taught me that people who were mean were miserable inside and to not worry about what they did and said. She taught me the value of being ‘there’ for my family and the value of present motherhood as I valued her presence as a stay at home mum when I was young. She taught me to be gentle and quiet around sick people and to not knock their beds. She taught me kindness and sensitivity and she made everything beautiful. We experienced family trauma when I was a teenager and although they are both alive I felt like I lost them after that along with my two siblings. I lost the mum I knew and loved and it has been a grief I have lived with the rest of my life. Thank you Susan, this was such a wonderful question to ponder.
Humility, honesty, hard work, loyalty to my wife, kindness. I learned these things from my father because he modeled them. But best of all he gave me an earthly model of my father in heaven. Some have problems identifying with our Heavenly Father because our earthly father is abusive, angry, distant, unloving, or totally absent. I had none of that baggage from my father.
I love to read about people’s positive relationships with their parents as it reminds me that there is humanity in the world. Your father sounds like he was a wonderful man Susan, very nurturing and encouraging. My relationship with my parents was as far as you can get on the other end of the spectrum. Not many positives come out of a relationship with a bipolar alcoholic father and a narcissistic mother. What they taught me was to never trust anyone, particularly those who are supposed to be your caregivers, and that the only love you are going to get is from yourself.
It made me an incredibly resilient, self reliant and resourceful person, but with certain vulnerabilities. I have been working on the latter for most of my life. It also gave me an acute sense of quickly determining what people are about, who to avoid and who to approach, which comes from hyper-vigilance. Having said that, I do like being part of this community, and hopefully my next post will be about something positive.
My Mom and my Dad were quite amazing parents, and I am forever grateful to them for so much. When I read this entry today one specific piece of advice my Dad gave me had to do with what path I would follow regarding a career/job/work. I quit going to the university after completing my second year, because I was trying to figure out my major. Since I was a small child I dreamed of being a teacher, and I had doubts about finishing at the university and taking that path. So, I talked to my Dad about this. He gave me this advice.
1. Follow your passion.
2. You will figure out the money.
3. And, you'll be working a long time.
These three pieces of advice my Dad gave me is what he modeled over and over in the work he did. I took his advice, went back to school, earned my degree in education and went on to teach for decades. No regrets...and my Dad was right.
I'm having trouble thinking of specific things my parents taught me: come to think of it, they didn't "lecture". I learned from their example, though. Foremost: the quiet, kind, often-unspoken way they had, of caring for each other.
My mother who had severe rheumatoid arthritist...."never take inventory". She noticed how many aging people spend a lot of time talking about their physical challenges. She always said..."just don't take inventory". I think of her often when I've got a physical challenge I don't like.. I never make it a topic of conversation when I'm spending limited time with loved ones and friends.
My dad taught me to "do the right thing even when no one is looking." To this day, the idea of littering sends chills up my spine. No way could I do that.
I love those 7 rules of your father‘s, it was good to read them again! They fill me with warmth and light.
I also am lucky to have had parents who taught me precious things. I‘m trying to summarise the most important rules in our family: Be honest. Be true. Treat people with kindness and respect - just as you would like to be treated. Enjoy and practise what you love and follow your soul where it leads you in life.
I loved learning about Yahzeit. I really love the thought of remembering my loved ones on the anniversary of their passing. In my culture and religion, it seems we want to move on and be sunny and happy almost immediately. I don't want to go on like normal...when there is still grief to express. I love how many other cultures and religions truly enter into mourning, how it is accepted and is a normal part of life. I may start a personal tradition similar to Yahzeit.
When I called my father to let him know I was divorcing my first husband, he asked me if there was anything I needed. I was still young and said that yes, I could use $1,000 as a loan. His response was "Can I finish mowing the lawn first, before I head to the bank?" He never asked for the money back, but a few months later, I had it for him. He knew I would. ...I still miss him
My dad, a carpenter and still alive, would take me on his weekend moonlighting projects, 1960s. He’d tell everyone who’d ask about his son/me, “I’m keeping him out of trouble”. Really, I was his go-for the tool he never seemed to have handy. I’d have to go fetch it from his toolbox somewhere. He’d proudly say, “he knows every tool in my toolbox!” Trouble was, I chose mathematics and computer science rather than his craft. Now I’m working on a tool that will hopefully make him and, more importantly, my kids proud. 🔨
Wonderful reminders. My mother has taught (and continues to teach) me impactful things. The one that I hold closest is to show up. Show up when invited to meetings or parties or lunch. Show up for your children’s performances or games or competitions. Show up when someone wants to talk. Show up to class or work. I could go on and on because it was set very early as an expectation and has single-handedly made the most impact in my life.
Rich Day! This is for you! When I was a kid, living in countryside, used to take our sheep to a far distance to feed grass. My mom at that time was alive, and she was so satisfied with me, she was telling me, Raed: your work as a shepherd will help you to success in other sides of life particularly in School. I was a very young kid, I could not understand what she told me but I was happy because I know very well her words coming from her heart
I remain so completely amazed that such goodwill, grace, and understanding grew inside you, considering some of the hard things you’ve lived through. Love this memory of your mother! And your daughter is so very lucky to have you as a father!
My father, still alive, taught me to be gentle and kind when tending to the sick or scared. He took care of us in the middle of the night when we were young. He was so calm and patient. He was reassuring and loving. And he made me feel so safe and loved. I will never forget or be able to thank him enough for this. Thank you Dad. ♥️
My dad taught me determination, hard work, to keep on trying and to enjoy life. He was emotionally absent and verbally abusive - a result of his upbringing and a source of much pain and confusion for me. My mum taught me that people who were mean were miserable inside and to not worry about what they did and said. She taught me the value of being ‘there’ for my family and the value of present motherhood as I valued her presence as a stay at home mum when I was young. She taught me to be gentle and quiet around sick people and to not knock their beds. She taught me kindness and sensitivity and she made everything beautiful. We experienced family trauma when I was a teenager and although they are both alive I felt like I lost them after that along with my two siblings. I lost the mum I knew and loved and it has been a grief I have lived with the rest of my life. Thank you Susan, this was such a wonderful question to ponder.
Humility, honesty, hard work, loyalty to my wife, kindness. I learned these things from my father because he modeled them. But best of all he gave me an earthly model of my father in heaven. Some have problems identifying with our Heavenly Father because our earthly father is abusive, angry, distant, unloving, or totally absent. I had none of that baggage from my father.
I love to read about people’s positive relationships with their parents as it reminds me that there is humanity in the world. Your father sounds like he was a wonderful man Susan, very nurturing and encouraging. My relationship with my parents was as far as you can get on the other end of the spectrum. Not many positives come out of a relationship with a bipolar alcoholic father and a narcissistic mother. What they taught me was to never trust anyone, particularly those who are supposed to be your caregivers, and that the only love you are going to get is from yourself.
It made me an incredibly resilient, self reliant and resourceful person, but with certain vulnerabilities. I have been working on the latter for most of my life. It also gave me an acute sense of quickly determining what people are about, who to avoid and who to approach, which comes from hyper-vigilance. Having said that, I do like being part of this community, and hopefully my next post will be about something positive.
My Mom and my Dad were quite amazing parents, and I am forever grateful to them for so much. When I read this entry today one specific piece of advice my Dad gave me had to do with what path I would follow regarding a career/job/work. I quit going to the university after completing my second year, because I was trying to figure out my major. Since I was a small child I dreamed of being a teacher, and I had doubts about finishing at the university and taking that path. So, I talked to my Dad about this. He gave me this advice.
1. Follow your passion.
2. You will figure out the money.
3. And, you'll be working a long time.
These three pieces of advice my Dad gave me is what he modeled over and over in the work he did. I took his advice, went back to school, earned my degree in education and went on to teach for decades. No regrets...and my Dad was right.
I'm having trouble thinking of specific things my parents taught me: come to think of it, they didn't "lecture". I learned from their example, though. Foremost: the quiet, kind, often-unspoken way they had, of caring for each other.
My father was an Emiratis Professor. He taught me the value of being a life- long learner.
My mother who had severe rheumatoid arthritist...."never take inventory". She noticed how many aging people spend a lot of time talking about their physical challenges. She always said..."just don't take inventory". I think of her often when I've got a physical challenge I don't like.. I never make it a topic of conversation when I'm spending limited time with loved ones and friends.
My dad taught me to "do the right thing even when no one is looking." To this day, the idea of littering sends chills up my spine. No way could I do that.
I love those 7 rules of your father‘s, it was good to read them again! They fill me with warmth and light.
I also am lucky to have had parents who taught me precious things. I‘m trying to summarise the most important rules in our family: Be honest. Be true. Treat people with kindness and respect - just as you would like to be treated. Enjoy and practise what you love and follow your soul where it leads you in life.
I loved learning about Yahzeit. I really love the thought of remembering my loved ones on the anniversary of their passing. In my culture and religion, it seems we want to move on and be sunny and happy almost immediately. I don't want to go on like normal...when there is still grief to express. I love how many other cultures and religions truly enter into mourning, how it is accepted and is a normal part of life. I may start a personal tradition similar to Yahzeit.
When I called my father to let him know I was divorcing my first husband, he asked me if there was anything I needed. I was still young and said that yes, I could use $1,000 as a loan. His response was "Can I finish mowing the lawn first, before I head to the bank?" He never asked for the money back, but a few months later, I had it for him. He knew I would. ...I still miss him
My dad, a carpenter and still alive, would take me on his weekend moonlighting projects, 1960s. He’d tell everyone who’d ask about his son/me, “I’m keeping him out of trouble”. Really, I was his go-for the tool he never seemed to have handy. I’d have to go fetch it from his toolbox somewhere. He’d proudly say, “he knows every tool in my toolbox!” Trouble was, I chose mathematics and computer science rather than his craft. Now I’m working on a tool that will hopefully make him and, more importantly, my kids proud. 🔨
Wonderful reminders. My mother has taught (and continues to teach) me impactful things. The one that I hold closest is to show up. Show up when invited to meetings or parties or lunch. Show up for your children’s performances or games or competitions. Show up when someone wants to talk. Show up to class or work. I could go on and on because it was set very early as an expectation and has single-handedly made the most impact in my life.
Rich Day! This is for you! When I was a kid, living in countryside, used to take our sheep to a far distance to feed grass. My mom at that time was alive, and she was so satisfied with me, she was telling me, Raed: your work as a shepherd will help you to success in other sides of life particularly in School. I was a very young kid, I could not understand what she told me but I was happy because I know very well her words coming from her heart
I remain so completely amazed that such goodwill, grace, and understanding grew inside you, considering some of the hard things you’ve lived through. Love this memory of your mother! And your daughter is so very lucky to have you as a father!
Thank you so much, Rich! That’s so kind of you!
♥️
My father, still alive, taught me to be gentle and kind when tending to the sick or scared. He took care of us in the middle of the night when we were young. He was so calm and patient. He was reassuring and loving. And he made me feel so safe and loved. I will never forget or be able to thank him enough for this. Thank you Dad. ♥️