What works for me when dealing with rumination is practicing the RAIN meditation as taught by Tara Brach, or chanting a mantra. Both bring relief, clarity, even relaxation sometimes. Also labeling emotions, like the article explains.
This is a very useful article for the challenging times we are living, thank you Susan for sharing it.
Thank you for sharing this topic. It’s been dominate in my life and I’ve used some of the strategies suggested here. One of the most effective is what I call ‘fierce self talk’ and that activates the vagus nerve — I talk aloud to myself and use my name. We cover the topic. Lay it all out. Use positive affirmations about the good of it. And end with a plan on moving past. I use fierce self talk when hiking, long walks, and my water aerobics at the pool. And I don’t care what people think of a woman talking to herself if I do come in contact with another. Which rarely happens.
Not mentioned here, and that I also use, is deep prayer and asking God to take the burden from me and provide me with a resolution. To relinquish its weight from my shoulders. This is magical and answers always come. Always.
It’s always been my belief, and as a psychologist who works in cognitive science and human growth and development, that rumination is the mind’s search for another way. Another answer. Replaying what has happened over and over in hopes it will resolve. Rumination is the mind’s desire to return to peaceful equilibrium.
So much in this post could be related to me. I have so often gotten into the headspace of agonizing over issues which haunt me. Right now I am obsessing over decisions I might have to make as my dog gets older and exhibits concerning signs of aging. I sat down as soon as I read this and made some notes in my journal and tried to approach myself with compassion instead of berating myself as I usually do. I like the wording of having a tool-kit as I have so often used the same words. I will be taking some notes down from this excerpt to keep in mind for just my rumination. Coaching myself as I would a trusted friend sounds like such a good option. I also like the advice below of asking myself what would happen if everything goes right. I have heard this before and tried to apply it so many times, but my brain so often rejects this assessment. It's almost like my brain has to hold on to the negative ideas as some sort of way to protect myself from what will happen. It doesn't feel very useful, but it is so hard for me to let go of.
Susan this resonated with me so much. I hope I can use the techniques to look at ruminating in a very different way. I definitely feel it is not productive, and finding ways to work my way out of it would be very freeing.
Happy MLK Day. Much of this resonates - I am cutting and pasting like crazy to retain Maya's advice. I had never put it together that CHANGE (the basic universal constant) often catalyzes rumination. Every time I face change, my pessimistic conclusion is that it's only me being rigid, resistant, and misfitty, given that the world tells us change is so great, exhilarating, and healthy. I see we have lots of company in rumination, and tools to work on it.
It's also nice to read for once that deep analysis isn't imperative if life's wounds have healed okay, given that the world tells us different things about trauma.
And Marcia's hopeful thought below: "what if everything goes right?" is a fabulous spin, which I will keep trying.
Enjoy reading this one,as a natural ponderer im am intrigued on the distinction between reflective insightful pondering verses a negative rumination...I would agree with distraction being healthy at times give our selves a break maybe clarity will come with space to breath... Wonder what the authors thoughts are on people who naturally ponder ,reflect for depth ... Probably all philosophers are natural ponderer ,ruminate... But sometimes breakthrough comes by taking a break only to come back renewed... Wonder what philosopher brain scan would look like compare to a non philosopher, deep thinker brain scan...
When I catch myself ruminating over all the potential worse case what if scenarios, I change my thinking to all the possible best case what if scenarios. What if everything goes right!
If rumination is like a cognitive loop, then unlooping must be experiential. Coping is an indirect approach that shifts away from ideational thoughts and leans into gut, heart, or interpersonal space. I find physical, aerobic exercise both cleansing and clearing the mind, altering the brain biochemically, and flooding cells with benign neurotransmitters. Immersing in an art form (music, opera, live theatre, musical, or film) that activates strong, evocative emotions is cathartic, speaking a heart language to me while muting the verbiage and softening the need for control. Sharing my vulnerabilities with a trustworthy person pulls me out of the world of self-absorption. While the mental repetition feels like catching a light rail and looping alone, sharing helplessness is akin to riding a tandem bike with a friend. The activity reaps physical, emotional, and relational good - an antidote to a broken record playing.
Rumination can be linked to social anxiety for me as I reflect hugely on things I've said in meetings or social events . I'm currently in a support role for a loved one with serious illness and have been feeling " not kind enough" heightening the risk of rumination. I lost sleep following a " stupid" question I made to my son's partner ( also a HSP ) that slipped out of my mouth at recent family dinner. I couldn't sleep for feeling I hurt her . What helped me was reaching for a little book I have on stoicism ( Massimo Pigliucci- The Stoic Guide to a Happy Life) small book that works like a toolkit and rapidly gets me back on track to accepting by silly flaws helps me get back out there.
I also found myself using the third person to get myself together.
My son linked this to " self acceptance theory" which makes sense.
I met Massimo at a book signing following his talk at a philosophy festival a few years ago. I think he's likely a HSP and discovering this ancient philosophy transformed his wellbeing - highly recommend this small book.
I appreciate this piece, great points. I believe as an introvert ruminating is part of the package. I try always to interrupt the process, meditation is one way to do that. But for me second guessing myself is part of being an introvert, and doubting whether others will agree comes with
the territory. Lack of confidence just lives there. Maybe ruminating would be a good thing for some of the extroverts out there :)
I think that's an important reflection because, being an HSP, rumination seems to go with the territory. Today's post couldn't have been more timely for me as the dreaded 4 am rumination spiral has been tormenting me for months as I struggle with the huge change (at age 70) of moving house, leaving a beloved home, friends. Despite it all being my choice and a shared decision with husband, I've spent the last few months agonising over what ifs, why did we's, and also the feeling that time is running out so this was the 'last chance saloon'. The tip about distancing does work for me sometimes, seeing the bigger picture as it were; but I am grateful for the other tips and will keep trying to conquer this torturous over-thinking of the negative, catastrophising variety. Thanks for all your insights.
Great excerpt and it helpfully reinforced where I am currently after a looooooong bout of ruminating over a (seemingly) negative family issue. that turned out to be one of the best changes I could have gone through and brought me to a place of freedom from the grips of a dysfunctional family.
Thank you for sharing Maya's work. I had an unexpected job change last year that hit me quite hard but I'm also a "glass half full" person, excited for something new. Where my rumination is the loudest is executing on that "something new". In the interim, I've focused on simply reversing my burnout and getting my confidence back.
This is wonderful and I can relate to so much of what is written. As a highly sensitive individual, I have experienced my fair share of rumination as well as anxiety!
My daughter is currently a senior in high school and the process of looking for colleges has definitely triggered the rumination loop for me. Searching for ‘all the things that can go wrong’. The college search process has brought in lots of joy too, but worry and fear has been ever present as I navigate emotions of becoming an empty nester.
Please know I reside in Minneapolis with my husband, daughter and greyhound - need I say more. I am doing lots of self-care at the moment to bring in as much grounding and to stay rooted in my body as much as humanly possible. These are unprecedented times in my city and our country!!!
I personally find Epsom salt baths, meditation and walks outside in nature with my dog give me space to see my thoughts patterns more objectively - making the rumination spiral less severe and steep.
Sending each and every one of you care and wishing you ease and grace on your life journey.
A special thanks to you Susan for the thoughtful, intelligent and affirming content you continue to provide here within The Quiet Life.
Lynn, one of my adult daughters lives in Minneapolis, so I have some sense of what you're living through. I fervently hope that the situation will improve sooner rather than later. As Carol said, there are so many of us who care deeply. Please continue to take care of yourself in all ways that are helpful. I'm sending you light and wishes for peace.
Hello Linda, Holding you and adult daughter and family in my heart as well. Thank you fro your fervent wishes. They are such appreciated! I deeply appreciate your care, light and wishes.
As another HSP, I can relate to tendencies to ruminate. And my heart hurts for Minneapolis - indeed, all of Americans who care about peace and generosity and democracy - so please know there are many of us out here who care, and care deeply.
Thank you Carol, for reminding me that there are so many of you out there who care deeply about peace, generosity and democracy! It is healing to my heart to be reminded.
I have an honest question for the people here: What does rumination feel like? Maybe I expect too much, or perhaps I misunderstand the topic, but from what I understand rumination to be, I have never experienced it.
I agree wholeheartedly with @Rene. My rumination usually occurs after a social event or large meeting that I’ve led especially if about a tricky topic (and will probably set in after I post this comment!😬). I replay what I said, how I could have offended someone unintentionally, what everyone must now think of me, beat myself up for speaking up, etc. It can go on for days. I call this voice my inner critic. Through the advice of a counselor, I have actually named my inner critic and try taking on the opposite viewpoint of her when I realize I’m stuck in a rumination loop. This has helped me coach myself back into reality.
I love @David’s approach to journaling and often use that to better understand why I’m ruminating and why my perspective might not be true.
Finally, when I am able zoom out, I ask myself “what is the chance that anyone at that party is actually still thinking about anything I said?” The answer is usually zero chance which helps me to let go and silence the critic a bit. It’s been a process at which i am improving but still a struggle at times.
I can lay in bed for HOURS replaying a conversation over and over and over again…analyzing, chastising myself, and wishing it could have been different. An endless loop!
My ability to coach myself out of ruminations was part of the reason I became a coach. The start point was the key. “Now, David, let’s sit and write down what the issue is here.” Keep writing until the imagined outcome becomes clear. Then you can start imagining solutions.
What works for me when dealing with rumination is practicing the RAIN meditation as taught by Tara Brach, or chanting a mantra. Both bring relief, clarity, even relaxation sometimes. Also labeling emotions, like the article explains.
This is a very useful article for the challenging times we are living, thank you Susan for sharing it.
Thank you for sharing this topic. It’s been dominate in my life and I’ve used some of the strategies suggested here. One of the most effective is what I call ‘fierce self talk’ and that activates the vagus nerve — I talk aloud to myself and use my name. We cover the topic. Lay it all out. Use positive affirmations about the good of it. And end with a plan on moving past. I use fierce self talk when hiking, long walks, and my water aerobics at the pool. And I don’t care what people think of a woman talking to herself if I do come in contact with another. Which rarely happens.
Not mentioned here, and that I also use, is deep prayer and asking God to take the burden from me and provide me with a resolution. To relinquish its weight from my shoulders. This is magical and answers always come. Always.
It’s always been my belief, and as a psychologist who works in cognitive science and human growth and development, that rumination is the mind’s search for another way. Another answer. Replaying what has happened over and over in hopes it will resolve. Rumination is the mind’s desire to return to peaceful equilibrium.
So much in this post could be related to me. I have so often gotten into the headspace of agonizing over issues which haunt me. Right now I am obsessing over decisions I might have to make as my dog gets older and exhibits concerning signs of aging. I sat down as soon as I read this and made some notes in my journal and tried to approach myself with compassion instead of berating myself as I usually do. I like the wording of having a tool-kit as I have so often used the same words. I will be taking some notes down from this excerpt to keep in mind for just my rumination. Coaching myself as I would a trusted friend sounds like such a good option. I also like the advice below of asking myself what would happen if everything goes right. I have heard this before and tried to apply it so many times, but my brain so often rejects this assessment. It's almost like my brain has to hold on to the negative ideas as some sort of way to protect myself from what will happen. It doesn't feel very useful, but it is so hard for me to let go of.
Susan this resonated with me so much. I hope I can use the techniques to look at ruminating in a very different way. I definitely feel it is not productive, and finding ways to work my way out of it would be very freeing.
Happy MLK Day. Much of this resonates - I am cutting and pasting like crazy to retain Maya's advice. I had never put it together that CHANGE (the basic universal constant) often catalyzes rumination. Every time I face change, my pessimistic conclusion is that it's only me being rigid, resistant, and misfitty, given that the world tells us change is so great, exhilarating, and healthy. I see we have lots of company in rumination, and tools to work on it.
It's also nice to read for once that deep analysis isn't imperative if life's wounds have healed okay, given that the world tells us different things about trauma.
And Marcia's hopeful thought below: "what if everything goes right?" is a fabulous spin, which I will keep trying.
Endless thank yous!
Enjoy reading this one,as a natural ponderer im am intrigued on the distinction between reflective insightful pondering verses a negative rumination...I would agree with distraction being healthy at times give our selves a break maybe clarity will come with space to breath... Wonder what the authors thoughts are on people who naturally ponder ,reflect for depth ... Probably all philosophers are natural ponderer ,ruminate... But sometimes breakthrough comes by taking a break only to come back renewed... Wonder what philosopher brain scan would look like compare to a non philosopher, deep thinker brain scan...
When I catch myself ruminating over all the potential worse case what if scenarios, I change my thinking to all the possible best case what if scenarios. What if everything goes right!
If rumination is like a cognitive loop, then unlooping must be experiential. Coping is an indirect approach that shifts away from ideational thoughts and leans into gut, heart, or interpersonal space. I find physical, aerobic exercise both cleansing and clearing the mind, altering the brain biochemically, and flooding cells with benign neurotransmitters. Immersing in an art form (music, opera, live theatre, musical, or film) that activates strong, evocative emotions is cathartic, speaking a heart language to me while muting the verbiage and softening the need for control. Sharing my vulnerabilities with a trustworthy person pulls me out of the world of self-absorption. While the mental repetition feels like catching a light rail and looping alone, sharing helplessness is akin to riding a tandem bike with a friend. The activity reaps physical, emotional, and relational good - an antidote to a broken record playing.
Rumination can be linked to social anxiety for me as I reflect hugely on things I've said in meetings or social events . I'm currently in a support role for a loved one with serious illness and have been feeling " not kind enough" heightening the risk of rumination. I lost sleep following a " stupid" question I made to my son's partner ( also a HSP ) that slipped out of my mouth at recent family dinner. I couldn't sleep for feeling I hurt her . What helped me was reaching for a little book I have on stoicism ( Massimo Pigliucci- The Stoic Guide to a Happy Life) small book that works like a toolkit and rapidly gets me back on track to accepting by silly flaws helps me get back out there.
I also found myself using the third person to get myself together.
My son linked this to " self acceptance theory" which makes sense.
I met Massimo at a book signing following his talk at a philosophy festival a few years ago. I think he's likely a HSP and discovering this ancient philosophy transformed his wellbeing - highly recommend this small book.
Thanks so much for the recommendation! I will look this up :)
Worthwhile read! I tried on the suggestion to think about my issue in the third person. It felt freeing! Thanks Maya - and Susan!
I appreciate this piece, great points. I believe as an introvert ruminating is part of the package. I try always to interrupt the process, meditation is one way to do that. But for me second guessing myself is part of being an introvert, and doubting whether others will agree comes with
the territory. Lack of confidence just lives there. Maybe ruminating would be a good thing for some of the extroverts out there :)
I think that's an important reflection because, being an HSP, rumination seems to go with the territory. Today's post couldn't have been more timely for me as the dreaded 4 am rumination spiral has been tormenting me for months as I struggle with the huge change (at age 70) of moving house, leaving a beloved home, friends. Despite it all being my choice and a shared decision with husband, I've spent the last few months agonising over what ifs, why did we's, and also the feeling that time is running out so this was the 'last chance saloon'. The tip about distancing does work for me sometimes, seeing the bigger picture as it were; but I am grateful for the other tips and will keep trying to conquer this torturous over-thinking of the negative, catastrophising variety. Thanks for all your insights.
Great excerpt and it helpfully reinforced where I am currently after a looooooong bout of ruminating over a (seemingly) negative family issue. that turned out to be one of the best changes I could have gone through and brought me to a place of freedom from the grips of a dysfunctional family.
Thank you for sharing Maya's work. I had an unexpected job change last year that hit me quite hard but I'm also a "glass half full" person, excited for something new. Where my rumination is the loudest is executing on that "something new". In the interim, I've focused on simply reversing my burnout and getting my confidence back.
This is wonderful and I can relate to so much of what is written. As a highly sensitive individual, I have experienced my fair share of rumination as well as anxiety!
My daughter is currently a senior in high school and the process of looking for colleges has definitely triggered the rumination loop for me. Searching for ‘all the things that can go wrong’. The college search process has brought in lots of joy too, but worry and fear has been ever present as I navigate emotions of becoming an empty nester.
Please know I reside in Minneapolis with my husband, daughter and greyhound - need I say more. I am doing lots of self-care at the moment to bring in as much grounding and to stay rooted in my body as much as humanly possible. These are unprecedented times in my city and our country!!!
I personally find Epsom salt baths, meditation and walks outside in nature with my dog give me space to see my thoughts patterns more objectively - making the rumination spiral less severe and steep.
Sending each and every one of you care and wishing you ease and grace on your life journey.
A special thanks to you Susan for the thoughtful, intelligent and affirming content you continue to provide here within The Quiet Life.
Lynn, one of my adult daughters lives in Minneapolis, so I have some sense of what you're living through. I fervently hope that the situation will improve sooner rather than later. As Carol said, there are so many of us who care deeply. Please continue to take care of yourself in all ways that are helpful. I'm sending you light and wishes for peace.
Hello Linda, Holding you and adult daughter and family in my heart as well. Thank you fro your fervent wishes. They are such appreciated! I deeply appreciate your care, light and wishes.
As another HSP, I can relate to tendencies to ruminate. And my heart hurts for Minneapolis - indeed, all of Americans who care about peace and generosity and democracy - so please know there are many of us out here who care, and care deeply.
Thank you Carol, for reminding me that there are so many of you out there who care deeply about peace, generosity and democracy! It is healing to my heart to be reminded.
I have an honest question for the people here: What does rumination feel like? Maybe I expect too much, or perhaps I misunderstand the topic, but from what I understand rumination to be, I have never experienced it.
I agree wholeheartedly with @Rene. My rumination usually occurs after a social event or large meeting that I’ve led especially if about a tricky topic (and will probably set in after I post this comment!😬). I replay what I said, how I could have offended someone unintentionally, what everyone must now think of me, beat myself up for speaking up, etc. It can go on for days. I call this voice my inner critic. Through the advice of a counselor, I have actually named my inner critic and try taking on the opposite viewpoint of her when I realize I’m stuck in a rumination loop. This has helped me coach myself back into reality.
I love @David’s approach to journaling and often use that to better understand why I’m ruminating and why my perspective might not be true.
Finally, when I am able zoom out, I ask myself “what is the chance that anyone at that party is actually still thinking about anything I said?” The answer is usually zero chance which helps me to let go and silence the critic a bit. It’s been a process at which i am improving but still a struggle at times.
Ruminating is a behavior where lI am mentally torture myself by second-guessing all of my self beliefs. It feels defeating and agonizing.
I can lay in bed for HOURS replaying a conversation over and over and over again…analyzing, chastising myself, and wishing it could have been different. An endless loop!
My ability to coach myself out of ruminations was part of the reason I became a coach. The start point was the key. “Now, David, let’s sit and write down what the issue is here.” Keep writing until the imagined outcome becomes clear. Then you can start imagining solutions.