"Insignificant Minor Interactions of Everyday Life"—perhaps they are neither insignificant nor minor, but rather powerful, subtle, and deeply meaningful ways to build connection. At scale, these micro-moments are exactly what weave the fabric of true community. The line "Ava had created an enriched environment for herself" is such a beautiful reminder of the compound effect. It shows how our small daily choices and "minor interactions" ultimately shape a better environment for ourselves and everyone around us.
I just listened to a podcast with Dr Levine, and I like that he pronounced "SIMI" as "see me".
As an introvert who also practices mindfulness and lovingkindness meditation, I have found my attention to these SIMIs has increased - that it only takes a moment to make eye contact with the cashier or to smile at a fellow passenger on the bus or to say hi to the security folks at the front desk of the office building, and it doesn't drain my social battery too much. So I do engage in this as an act of kindness - towards others and myself.
That be nice to move change environment to help heal your mental health, grief, only if a dream came true wonderland... What if it more than just people but the sips of coffee, twilight hour of the soul, clouds, the air just before,during a storm, fluffies in your life, evening,morning reads and everything in-between, what if we applied to the language of or quiet perspective enriching depth to our lives, poetry in motion with every interaction beyond human interaction we meet...
A couple of weeks ago, there were so many friendly people saying hello or greeting that I thought it seemed I had been mistaken or I had overlooked the person behind / next to me that had been addressed - it wasn‘t that important but the effect was not insignificant at all as it definitely improved my mood and coloured the day positively - I still don‘t understand what had happened, and am not even much interested, but this tiny example is enough to believe in the relevance of this moments, and the possibilities they offer - I‘ve often wondered why I was a different person when on holiday or with friends than e.g. with difficult colleagues.
It‘s a bit of pingpong - I believe positive pings will lead to more of the same and the same holds true for the negative ones. Not everyone could simply pack and move - or find a beautiful new place as the one described in the example - but might find an encouraging group of people or a pleasant garden near bye?
An activity that brings joy and connects with others interested in the same subject?
I‘m no hero as much as I at times wish for adventure or significant contribution, but do enjoy small acts of kindness or SIMIs - and hope that, in they‘ll add up and provide positive change in spite of all.
I had a SIMIs experience today. I was at my community garden pulling weeds and this man came by with his two dogs. We had a wonderful conversation about one of his dogs he adopted from a shelter. I told him about my dog Josie who I also adopted from a shelter. It was a wonderful connection that left me feeling good!
The road forward after a setback is not about making a giant leap, but rather taking many baby steps. Initially, the social milieu and the personal agency interact to facilitate healing. Once the engine starts to fire, the driving force is the individual's small decisions that shape and shift the brain, mind, mood, behavior, body, and spirit. Once a tipping point is reached, this transformation takes on a life of its own. When peace, equanimity, and joy refill my interior cup, I find myself greeting others with a smile or a laugh, radiating a glow from inside out, spontaneous and unstoppable, where the energy flows and overflows beyond my small self. I could be waving at all the Avas in the world. To paraphrase a quote: We can do no great things, only small acts with great kindness toward others and ourselves.
I had a hard day yesterday. Or rather, a hard late afternoon and evening. I was wrestling with an acute sense of betrayal, which is one of the hardest emotions for me. Reading this almost immediately pulled me back into a wider perspective. Remembering that I still have so many people in my community who see and value me grounded me enough to move from anger to sadness — a necessary step, but one I was having trouble reaching on my own.
I'm so thankful for you, Susan. I find your work incredibly supportive in real, palpable ways. I should probably pick up Dr. Levine's book. It sounds like he knows a thing or two.
As my once small very connected community grows (being invaded by ultra-wealthy visitors who love the "idea" of living here part time) I find that EVERY interaction matters. We all really want to be seen, heard, & known.
I make a conscious effort to connect with people who work in retail & can't afford to live here & many are inter-generational families. I also want to be seen, heard, & known. Every connection matters
I have been focusing more on SIMIs for the past couple of years without noticing that I was until I read your article [smile]. I came to this small city in Arizona because of my family, not because the city drew me. And it still doesn’t. It’s a mishmash city lacking all of the things that make me happy in a city: art museums, good cafes and restaurants, the people here are, in the main, completely opposite in experience and political views to what I am. I felt like a fish out of water for years.
But I live in a 55+ community that offers loads of opportunities for being quietly “social” in the way your article lays out. I walk the neighborhood early in the morning, before it gets too hot. As do many people so we wave and nod, say “maybe it will rain today” and then pass along, not wanting to stop and talk too long, wanting to finish our walk. I chitchat with people in my thrice weekly exercise group. Again, no pressure to contribute to conversations if I don’t want to. Twice weekly chair yoga, same thing. We find subjects that give each other pleasure, I’ve noticed that no one wants to press buttons. I avoid the other socials in the community because they ARE a bit too much for me. And that’s fine, there’s no pressure. I have a cafe I stop at often for a burrito for my husband, we say hello, how are you, smile and that’s my socializing sometimes. Book groups that are great. I haven’t made any close friends that I share deep feelings with but I have made friends that I feel at ease with and that’s more than sufficient for me. I still am not great at creating boundaries so I keep the interactions light and short.
Here’s a little SIMI for you. I was on a very large ship, Prince’s largest. And I was walking with great purpose toward my destination! At a corner by a hallway stood a young woman, and as I walked past to head down the hall toward my destination, I said, “Hello!”. She gave me a cheery hello back, and I passed on by. But no sooner had a rounded the corner, I realized I was at the back of the ship, nowhere left to go! Yes, I was lost! Now I realized with only seconds having passed, I would have to walk by her again, she would know I was a poor old fart, lost. So as I approached her again, I said, “well… I’m back!”. Now comes the good part. She looked at me with the most benevolent kind eyes and said, “Oh, I’m so glad you’re back, I missed you so!”. We both laughed, and I walked on. A tiny little fraction of human to human encounter but her goodwill and quick wit became the moment I would remember.
For me, the whole story about the widow is so far fetched. I have been widowed for five years this month. Not one widow or widower that I have talked to or interacted with has had this experience. So bizarre how people who are not widowed, share these flowery, happy-happy-joy-joy experiences. It does call to mind Joan Didion’s book, The Year of Magical Thinking. I found her book to be completely un-relatable, by me, until someone sent a copy to me probably a year after my husband had died. Every part of her book hit home with me at that time. I do realize all of peoples experiences are their own. To the man who was vehemently arguing about my experience on a different topic, I shared: You can argue the interpretation of my experience all you like, you cannot argue the fact that I had the experience. My perspective five years in. Thank you, Susan.
Back in school (almost 50 years ago), a girl persisted for two years in greeting me every day without a response. I never saw her or heard her. After two years, I one day was aware of her and greeted her back. It made her day, and from then on, she latched on for another two years and became a friend.
Two years ago, I started to greet a person who works in the house I live in. A year ago, when I was asked to be the president of the association he works for, he approved of me, saying that I persistently greeted him: "He is ok."
I have forgotten most other SIMIs in my life. As a boy, I walked around with what I learned was my "resting bitch face". As a man, I spent my energy on being friendlier, keeping a smile on my face, and sometimes even noticing people.
Having SDAM, I forget SIMIs. They have even less staying power than real encounters have. And the energy they consume is out of proportion to the joy they instill.
SIMIs are not for me. But if you insist, persist, don't give up, we might connect anyway, and you will find that I am ok.
The focus of this concept, seemingly insignificant small moments, is truly speaking a sound perspective. Losses of relationships, careers, health battles, deaths of loved ones, and even disillusionment with the violence of the worldwide news can create a hollowness in each of our souls. The strategy cited of new beginnings in new surroundings is a valid approach, especially with the social engagements that can generate new memories and hobbies out-of-the-box. May I suggest two other perspectives, which may work for me yet necessarily for others : having a pet. Yes, they are a responsibility and make a mess at times ( so were we as babies ). Secondly, a faith or spiritual dimension with the losses of life. By this I don’t mean the fanatical hysteria often heard today. I suggest a quiet one of philosophical principles. This does not erase the pangs of loneliness, but offers a legitimate coping mechanism.
Love this new phrase - SIMI. I knew that peripheral relationships - with the postal clerk or bus driver for example - are important to well-being. I did not realize that they can shape the brain! How interesting!!!
"Insignificant Minor Interactions of Everyday Life"—perhaps they are neither insignificant nor minor, but rather powerful, subtle, and deeply meaningful ways to build connection. At scale, these micro-moments are exactly what weave the fabric of true community. The line "Ava had created an enriched environment for herself" is such a beautiful reminder of the compound effect. It shows how our small daily choices and "minor interactions" ultimately shape a better environment for ourselves and everyone around us.
I just listened to a podcast with Dr Levine, and I like that he pronounced "SIMI" as "see me".
As an introvert who also practices mindfulness and lovingkindness meditation, I have found my attention to these SIMIs has increased - that it only takes a moment to make eye contact with the cashier or to smile at a fellow passenger on the bus or to say hi to the security folks at the front desk of the office building, and it doesn't drain my social battery too much. So I do engage in this as an act of kindness - towards others and myself.
That be nice to move change environment to help heal your mental health, grief, only if a dream came true wonderland... What if it more than just people but the sips of coffee, twilight hour of the soul, clouds, the air just before,during a storm, fluffies in your life, evening,morning reads and everything in-between, what if we applied to the language of or quiet perspective enriching depth to our lives, poetry in motion with every interaction beyond human interaction we meet...
A couple of weeks ago, there were so many friendly people saying hello or greeting that I thought it seemed I had been mistaken or I had overlooked the person behind / next to me that had been addressed - it wasn‘t that important but the effect was not insignificant at all as it definitely improved my mood and coloured the day positively - I still don‘t understand what had happened, and am not even much interested, but this tiny example is enough to believe in the relevance of this moments, and the possibilities they offer - I‘ve often wondered why I was a different person when on holiday or with friends than e.g. with difficult colleagues.
It‘s a bit of pingpong - I believe positive pings will lead to more of the same and the same holds true for the negative ones. Not everyone could simply pack and move - or find a beautiful new place as the one described in the example - but might find an encouraging group of people or a pleasant garden near bye?
An activity that brings joy and connects with others interested in the same subject?
I‘m no hero as much as I at times wish for adventure or significant contribution, but do enjoy small acts of kindness or SIMIs - and hope that, in they‘ll add up and provide positive change in spite of all.
I had a SIMIs experience today. I was at my community garden pulling weeds and this man came by with his two dogs. We had a wonderful conversation about one of his dogs he adopted from a shelter. I told him about my dog Josie who I also adopted from a shelter. It was a wonderful connection that left me feeling good!
The road forward after a setback is not about making a giant leap, but rather taking many baby steps. Initially, the social milieu and the personal agency interact to facilitate healing. Once the engine starts to fire, the driving force is the individual's small decisions that shape and shift the brain, mind, mood, behavior, body, and spirit. Once a tipping point is reached, this transformation takes on a life of its own. When peace, equanimity, and joy refill my interior cup, I find myself greeting others with a smile or a laugh, radiating a glow from inside out, spontaneous and unstoppable, where the energy flows and overflows beyond my small self. I could be waving at all the Avas in the world. To paraphrase a quote: We can do no great things, only small acts with great kindness toward others and ourselves.
I had a hard day yesterday. Or rather, a hard late afternoon and evening. I was wrestling with an acute sense of betrayal, which is one of the hardest emotions for me. Reading this almost immediately pulled me back into a wider perspective. Remembering that I still have so many people in my community who see and value me grounded me enough to move from anger to sadness — a necessary step, but one I was having trouble reaching on my own.
I'm so thankful for you, Susan. I find your work incredibly supportive in real, palpable ways. I should probably pick up Dr. Levine's book. It sounds like he knows a thing or two.
As my once small very connected community grows (being invaded by ultra-wealthy visitors who love the "idea" of living here part time) I find that EVERY interaction matters. We all really want to be seen, heard, & known.
I make a conscious effort to connect with people who work in retail & can't afford to live here & many are inter-generational families. I also want to be seen, heard, & known. Every connection matters
I have been focusing more on SIMIs for the past couple of years without noticing that I was until I read your article [smile]. I came to this small city in Arizona because of my family, not because the city drew me. And it still doesn’t. It’s a mishmash city lacking all of the things that make me happy in a city: art museums, good cafes and restaurants, the people here are, in the main, completely opposite in experience and political views to what I am. I felt like a fish out of water for years.
But I live in a 55+ community that offers loads of opportunities for being quietly “social” in the way your article lays out. I walk the neighborhood early in the morning, before it gets too hot. As do many people so we wave and nod, say “maybe it will rain today” and then pass along, not wanting to stop and talk too long, wanting to finish our walk. I chitchat with people in my thrice weekly exercise group. Again, no pressure to contribute to conversations if I don’t want to. Twice weekly chair yoga, same thing. We find subjects that give each other pleasure, I’ve noticed that no one wants to press buttons. I avoid the other socials in the community because they ARE a bit too much for me. And that’s fine, there’s no pressure. I have a cafe I stop at often for a burrito for my husband, we say hello, how are you, smile and that’s my socializing sometimes. Book groups that are great. I haven’t made any close friends that I share deep feelings with but I have made friends that I feel at ease with and that’s more than sufficient for me. I still am not great at creating boundaries so I keep the interactions light and short.
Here’s a little SIMI for you. I was on a very large ship, Prince’s largest. And I was walking with great purpose toward my destination! At a corner by a hallway stood a young woman, and as I walked past to head down the hall toward my destination, I said, “Hello!”. She gave me a cheery hello back, and I passed on by. But no sooner had a rounded the corner, I realized I was at the back of the ship, nowhere left to go! Yes, I was lost! Now I realized with only seconds having passed, I would have to walk by her again, she would know I was a poor old fart, lost. So as I approached her again, I said, “well… I’m back!”. Now comes the good part. She looked at me with the most benevolent kind eyes and said, “Oh, I’m so glad you’re back, I missed you so!”. We both laughed, and I walked on. A tiny little fraction of human to human encounter but her goodwill and quick wit became the moment I would remember.
One of the benefits of ADHD is the ability to add up all the SIMIs and make something from them.
I should have also said, not all SIMIs seem good in the moment, but they can provide gateways to better if you embrace them in retrospect.
For me, the whole story about the widow is so far fetched. I have been widowed for five years this month. Not one widow or widower that I have talked to or interacted with has had this experience. So bizarre how people who are not widowed, share these flowery, happy-happy-joy-joy experiences. It does call to mind Joan Didion’s book, The Year of Magical Thinking. I found her book to be completely un-relatable, by me, until someone sent a copy to me probably a year after my husband had died. Every part of her book hit home with me at that time. I do realize all of peoples experiences are their own. To the man who was vehemently arguing about my experience on a different topic, I shared: You can argue the interpretation of my experience all you like, you cannot argue the fact that I had the experience. My perspective five years in. Thank you, Susan.
Back in school (almost 50 years ago), a girl persisted for two years in greeting me every day without a response. I never saw her or heard her. After two years, I one day was aware of her and greeted her back. It made her day, and from then on, she latched on for another two years and became a friend.
Two years ago, I started to greet a person who works in the house I live in. A year ago, when I was asked to be the president of the association he works for, he approved of me, saying that I persistently greeted him: "He is ok."
I have forgotten most other SIMIs in my life. As a boy, I walked around with what I learned was my "resting bitch face". As a man, I spent my energy on being friendlier, keeping a smile on my face, and sometimes even noticing people.
Having SDAM, I forget SIMIs. They have even less staying power than real encounters have. And the energy they consume is out of proportion to the joy they instill.
SIMIs are not for me. But if you insist, persist, don't give up, we might connect anyway, and you will find that I am ok.
The focus of this concept, seemingly insignificant small moments, is truly speaking a sound perspective. Losses of relationships, careers, health battles, deaths of loved ones, and even disillusionment with the violence of the worldwide news can create a hollowness in each of our souls. The strategy cited of new beginnings in new surroundings is a valid approach, especially with the social engagements that can generate new memories and hobbies out-of-the-box. May I suggest two other perspectives, which may work for me yet necessarily for others : having a pet. Yes, they are a responsibility and make a mess at times ( so were we as babies ). Secondly, a faith or spiritual dimension with the losses of life. By this I don’t mean the fanatical hysteria often heard today. I suggest a quiet one of philosophical principles. This does not erase the pangs of loneliness, but offers a legitimate coping mechanism.
Love this new phrase - SIMI. I knew that peripheral relationships - with the postal clerk or bus driver for example - are important to well-being. I did not realize that they can shape the brain! How interesting!!!
I don’t do well with SIMIs. They seem too perfunctory and bare-minimum to me.