What is the purpose of a flower? Look pretty and embody beauty, fully living out its nature and contributing to the common good.
Activities I defer usually end up being neglected, like stepchildren. I have noticed how children dear and near to me - like reading, writing, beauty gazing, exquisite listening, paying rapt attention to nature or to different art forms, and engaging in deep conversations with friends and family members - have become stepchildren. Instead, tasks, the musts and shoulds, consume my time and fill my daily life. Though improving, I still defer immediate gratification. However, increasingly I bend the rules, alter the default mode, act on impulses, and flow with intuition, plunging into the desired, the starved, and the thirsted. The leap, countering the rational and the logical, floods me with sheer pleasure and profound joy. Though more intermittent than consistent, those moments of parenting my stepchildren will, over time, lead to less food insecurity and malnutrition of the soul.
What is the meaning of existence in my aging season? Soul flourishing. I aspire to be like a flower. What is good enough for a flower is good enough for me.
Being present truly is all we got, feel a child innocent carries this grace for their innocent doesn't see tomorrows or contemplate yesterdays or try to predict the future, they just danced and lay in meadows without a care for anything other than what now, savoring the magic of their innocents.
Can't say my childhood was like this but I've always dream what it be like to play with no concept of time, warmth of love, dancing meadows, laying in the tall grass, hearts holding hands, dreamy white fluff floating by, as we abandoned ourselves in the present of the now...
As a recovering perfectionist and overachiever, the (immense) value of living in, embracing, and loving the present moment is a vital lesson that’s been challenging to learn. Creative endeavors (learning an instrument at the age of 54, starting a writing practice from the heart) and presence in nature smooth out this path. And it’s a long, arduous path. Thanks to this post and the community comments for the help.
When our sons were in grade school in scouting, we would take their troops to a special camp for one week each summer where they could work on the badges they needed to progress to the next level. What the other dads and I eventually realized was that all that our kids really wanted to do was to connect with nature, with us, and with each other, so we told them that all activities related to badge work were optional. We took a lot of heat from the other troops for doing this, but we all had the greatest of times doing the simplest of things like searching for flat rocks to skip across the surface of a nearby river. We learned that letting kids (and dads!) be kids was of the utmost importance.
*When you were a child, what did you love, simply for its own sake, and not because it led anywhere? So much of my childhood I loved...wind blowing in my face, laying on the ground watching the clouds with all their shapes, ice skating on a frozen lake, riding my bicycle to the park, family dinners each and every day, love from my parents who were amazing, feeling safe, homemade birthday cakes, playing outside all day and into the evening, neighbors who watched out for me, having siblings, etc. This list could go on and on, and just thinking about my childhood brought a huge heart filled smile to me today.
Wow… “where is the song when it’s been sung?” blows my mind when I think about it in line with mortality. It might not be his intended meaning, but listen: the song isn’t gone. It still exists. Whether it’s in an echo, or someone’s memory, or a series of notes scrawled across a page so it can be sung again, it still exists! I find that deeply reassuring.
I was overly good at deferring gratification, and it drained me. Now I tell myself "we are all going to die eventually anyway" when I find myself rushing to complete work to be done, and enjoy my cup of tea in silence, even for a bit.
As a child I loved going for walks in nature, which I continue to enjoy every day. Trees and squirrels are my favorite companions when I walk.
Sunday, I was in a Catholic church. The church received an environmental award after 2 years of work on an ecological concept. Six people were involved in the process. One person—the president of the church council —handed over the award; he got a nice bottle of wine. The church employed project manager got three bottles of local apple juice. The four unpaid, voluntary members of the project got some cheap chocolate. The name of the chocolate was "merci."
Why do I tell you this story?
Children cannot delay gratification until they are about 6-7 years old. Historically, religion has played a significant role in introducing this ability to society. In Christianity, heaven serves as ultimate delayed gratification. In the meantime, have some chocolate for your work.
For many years, this card has been played with me so many times. Whenever my pastor wanted something from me (or others in church), he preached heaven and how we do things for Jesus. We could not outgive Jesus, and he will repay us. When people did not see this, we were reminded that it might happen in heaven.
I have believed that for many, many years.
I have learned to live more in the now. It's not about gratification. It's about being.
Deferring gratification. One of my most pervasive traits. Since I was young, I have loved music. I loved to dance. I was even a go-go girl for a brief moment of time. But when I got married at 23, I gave it up for good because my husband hated dancing, couldn’t dance, had two left feet and no rhythm. We even tried dance lessons in our 40s. When we are young, we think, “Oh, there’s plenty of time.”
Now that I’m 74 y.o., it’s too late. My knees hurt, my hips don’t sway, I have no balance. But I do have a husband who loves me and has been faithful to me for 55 years. I’ll take him and sway a little with the grandbabies.
When I was a kid I used to devour books. I dreamed of being an author like Laura Ingalls of Little House on the Prairie (yes, she gave the main character her same name! I remember being tickled by that.) I guess that dream drew me to self-publishing my poetry.
Fast forward to ages 40-55, when I discovered self help books - Quiet being one of my top faves - I delayed gratification on reading novels that were just ‘for fun.’ Same for movies. I felt an inner pressure to use my free time for books of meaning and purpose. Only recently did I start allowing myself to enjoy books for the pure joy of getting lost in a story. It feels like a delicious treat - a decadent brownie, with only a hint of guilt in the ganache - I’m working on it :)
So interesting. I think I deferred being a kid to adulthood. I find that I lean more into the things I loved as a child…almost my roadmap to retirement. Does that mean I’ve come full circle? Oh…and the Lily that lasts a day…I often think of my art when people want to preserve it for as long as possible where I instead move through it to the next piece. Something full circle about life’s path…
Raissa, I can so relate to this. My siblings and I were expected to pick up the slack on so many adult responsibilities as kids. It took me a long time to shake that off and to indulge in childhood behaviors, like no longer delaying gratification.
Reminds me of the great early scene from 'Dead Poets Society'. Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, old time is still a-flying. And this same flower that smiles today, tomorrow will be dying.
Yes! I seem to think I have to have everything organized especially my study which will NEVER be a place I want to be in. So, I do that instead of encouraging my artistic pursuits and hobbies. Something says “You need to complete your tasks first. “ I’m of a stage in life not to put anything off!
My daughter often laughs at how I save things 'for best' (or delay gratification). In my wardrobe hangs a beautiful buttercup yellow 3 piece with guazy overskirt and shirt covered in a rose pattern. I love it but have never worn it - it was kept for best for so long I grew old, lost a lot of weight and now it is a reminder to me to not delay but to enjoy the best now!
“Because children grow up, we think a child’s purpose is to grow up. But a child’s purpose is to be a child.”
Exactly! 👍And a child is a new individual, a new and unique human being and we should respect it. I love what Eric Edmeades said: “My role as a father is not to prepare the road for my daughter, it is to prepare my daughter for the road”. I feel the same about my son.
And as for deferring gratification- I was never good at it. I'm not sure what life will be like when I'm 80 or 90 (though I hope for a long life 😊), so it's important to savour every moment with all your senses right now. And you can enjoy by rewarding yourself with something like a bottle of perfumes or a weekend trip to visit an interesting place or even a quiet Sunday afternoon on your own after a hectic week. Small joys are investments in well-being. In ten years’ time these things may taste differently or may not be available for any reason.
However, in some cases saving money instead of spending it now can be a wise move. As always – it depends on the situation.
In my heart! That's where they go. The song when it's been sung, the dance when it's been danced, they beauty of life ... The child ... that's where they go and stay!!!! I am done loosing them! Love to see you sunday Susan and of course Renée too!
What is the purpose of a flower? Look pretty and embody beauty, fully living out its nature and contributing to the common good.
Activities I defer usually end up being neglected, like stepchildren. I have noticed how children dear and near to me - like reading, writing, beauty gazing, exquisite listening, paying rapt attention to nature or to different art forms, and engaging in deep conversations with friends and family members - have become stepchildren. Instead, tasks, the musts and shoulds, consume my time and fill my daily life. Though improving, I still defer immediate gratification. However, increasingly I bend the rules, alter the default mode, act on impulses, and flow with intuition, plunging into the desired, the starved, and the thirsted. The leap, countering the rational and the logical, floods me with sheer pleasure and profound joy. Though more intermittent than consistent, those moments of parenting my stepchildren will, over time, lead to less food insecurity and malnutrition of the soul.
What is the meaning of existence in my aging season? Soul flourishing. I aspire to be like a flower. What is good enough for a flower is good enough for me.
Being present truly is all we got, feel a child innocent carries this grace for their innocent doesn't see tomorrows or contemplate yesterdays or try to predict the future, they just danced and lay in meadows without a care for anything other than what now, savoring the magic of their innocents.
Can't say my childhood was like this but I've always dream what it be like to play with no concept of time, warmth of love, dancing meadows, laying in the tall grass, hearts holding hands, dreamy white fluff floating by, as we abandoned ourselves in the present of the now...
As a recovering perfectionist and overachiever, the (immense) value of living in, embracing, and loving the present moment is a vital lesson that’s been challenging to learn. Creative endeavors (learning an instrument at the age of 54, starting a writing practice from the heart) and presence in nature smooth out this path. And it’s a long, arduous path. Thanks to this post and the community comments for the help.
When our sons were in grade school in scouting, we would take their troops to a special camp for one week each summer where they could work on the badges they needed to progress to the next level. What the other dads and I eventually realized was that all that our kids really wanted to do was to connect with nature, with us, and with each other, so we told them that all activities related to badge work were optional. We took a lot of heat from the other troops for doing this, but we all had the greatest of times doing the simplest of things like searching for flat rocks to skip across the surface of a nearby river. We learned that letting kids (and dads!) be kids was of the utmost importance.
*When you were a child, what did you love, simply for its own sake, and not because it led anywhere? So much of my childhood I loved...wind blowing in my face, laying on the ground watching the clouds with all their shapes, ice skating on a frozen lake, riding my bicycle to the park, family dinners each and every day, love from my parents who were amazing, feeling safe, homemade birthday cakes, playing outside all day and into the evening, neighbors who watched out for me, having siblings, etc. This list could go on and on, and just thinking about my childhood brought a huge heart filled smile to me today.
Wow… “where is the song when it’s been sung?” blows my mind when I think about it in line with mortality. It might not be his intended meaning, but listen: the song isn’t gone. It still exists. Whether it’s in an echo, or someone’s memory, or a series of notes scrawled across a page so it can be sung again, it still exists! I find that deeply reassuring.
I was overly good at deferring gratification, and it drained me. Now I tell myself "we are all going to die eventually anyway" when I find myself rushing to complete work to be done, and enjoy my cup of tea in silence, even for a bit.
As a child I loved going for walks in nature, which I continue to enjoy every day. Trees and squirrels are my favorite companions when I walk.
Sunday, I was in a Catholic church. The church received an environmental award after 2 years of work on an ecological concept. Six people were involved in the process. One person—the president of the church council —handed over the award; he got a nice bottle of wine. The church employed project manager got three bottles of local apple juice. The four unpaid, voluntary members of the project got some cheap chocolate. The name of the chocolate was "merci."
Why do I tell you this story?
Children cannot delay gratification until they are about 6-7 years old. Historically, religion has played a significant role in introducing this ability to society. In Christianity, heaven serves as ultimate delayed gratification. In the meantime, have some chocolate for your work.
For many years, this card has been played with me so many times. Whenever my pastor wanted something from me (or others in church), he preached heaven and how we do things for Jesus. We could not outgive Jesus, and he will repay us. When people did not see this, we were reminded that it might happen in heaven.
I have believed that for many, many years.
I have learned to live more in the now. It's not about gratification. It's about being.
Deferring gratification. One of my most pervasive traits. Since I was young, I have loved music. I loved to dance. I was even a go-go girl for a brief moment of time. But when I got married at 23, I gave it up for good because my husband hated dancing, couldn’t dance, had two left feet and no rhythm. We even tried dance lessons in our 40s. When we are young, we think, “Oh, there’s plenty of time.”
Now that I’m 74 y.o., it’s too late. My knees hurt, my hips don’t sway, I have no balance. But I do have a husband who loves me and has been faithful to me for 55 years. I’ll take him and sway a little with the grandbabies.
All life for you. I believe if the heart have energetic motivation and feel young, the physical body would follow the hearts.
When I was a kid I used to devour books. I dreamed of being an author like Laura Ingalls of Little House on the Prairie (yes, she gave the main character her same name! I remember being tickled by that.) I guess that dream drew me to self-publishing my poetry.
Fast forward to ages 40-55, when I discovered self help books - Quiet being one of my top faves - I delayed gratification on reading novels that were just ‘for fun.’ Same for movies. I felt an inner pressure to use my free time for books of meaning and purpose. Only recently did I start allowing myself to enjoy books for the pure joy of getting lost in a story. It feels like a delicious treat - a decadent brownie, with only a hint of guilt in the ganache - I’m working on it :)
Many blessings!
So interesting. I think I deferred being a kid to adulthood. I find that I lean more into the things I loved as a child…almost my roadmap to retirement. Does that mean I’ve come full circle? Oh…and the Lily that lasts a day…I often think of my art when people want to preserve it for as long as possible where I instead move through it to the next piece. Something full circle about life’s path…
Raissa, I can so relate to this. My siblings and I were expected to pick up the slack on so many adult responsibilities as kids. It took me a long time to shake that off and to indulge in childhood behaviors, like no longer delaying gratification.
Exactly! We really don’t know how much time we have left so I say seize the day!
Reminds me of the great early scene from 'Dead Poets Society'. Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, old time is still a-flying. And this same flower that smiles today, tomorrow will be dying.
Yes! I seem to think I have to have everything organized especially my study which will NEVER be a place I want to be in. So, I do that instead of encouraging my artistic pursuits and hobbies. Something says “You need to complete your tasks first. “ I’m of a stage in life not to put anything off!
My daughter often laughs at how I save things 'for best' (or delay gratification). In my wardrobe hangs a beautiful buttercup yellow 3 piece with guazy overskirt and shirt covered in a rose pattern. I love it but have never worn it - it was kept for best for so long I grew old, lost a lot of weight and now it is a reminder to me to not delay but to enjoy the best now!
I can relate Ann. I am guilty of "saving things". However, I am noticing this is changing in me.
Hi Suzanne, How is the change in you manifesting itself? Are you working on changing it?
“Because children grow up, we think a child’s purpose is to grow up. But a child’s purpose is to be a child.”
Exactly! 👍And a child is a new individual, a new and unique human being and we should respect it. I love what Eric Edmeades said: “My role as a father is not to prepare the road for my daughter, it is to prepare my daughter for the road”. I feel the same about my son.
And as for deferring gratification- I was never good at it. I'm not sure what life will be like when I'm 80 or 90 (though I hope for a long life 😊), so it's important to savour every moment with all your senses right now. And you can enjoy by rewarding yourself with something like a bottle of perfumes or a weekend trip to visit an interesting place or even a quiet Sunday afternoon on your own after a hectic week. Small joys are investments in well-being. In ten years’ time these things may taste differently or may not be available for any reason.
However, in some cases saving money instead of spending it now can be a wise move. As always – it depends on the situation.
In my heart! That's where they go. The song when it's been sung, the dance when it's been danced, they beauty of life ... The child ... that's where they go and stay!!!! I am done loosing them! Love to see you sunday Susan and of course Renée too!
And everone else of course too:)