I responded below to John about my son being a transcender. Susan, I read your post several times and saw myself and my son in so many of those descriptions. He and I definitely share a different space together--another level of thinking and being. Even at a young age, while we were homeschooling, I often thought that he was such a deep and special soul, someone, who if he had the confidence and was free of mental health issues, could change the world. Sometimes his thoughts would blow me away--how he views the world and other people, how he thinks deeply about what changes would make this world a better place. He has been someone that I connect so deeply with, and when he's not around (while at college or away for a few days) I feel such an emptiness in our home, like a light has gone out. I love all my kids deeply and they are all so very special to me, but the connection I have with my oldest son stems from us sharing this trait you have labeled for us--transcenders.
Transcendent. A new work to add to my vocabulary of self-understanding. This was a bell ringing true. Thank you. I’ve been using mystic and radical but transcender adds new nuances.
I'm late in reading this, but YES!!!!! As Andi mentions in her comment, I feel seen! With every sentence, I was exclaiming, "Yes! This is me!" Thank you, Susan for this! I am so incredibly grateful to be here with you and all the other transcenders.
So glad I stumbled onto your stack today, Susan! I deeply resonate here and this has been the driving impulse behind my own stack.
The ability to see better while mired in the muck of a world addicted to its patterns and pathologies is the great challenge of every mystic and seer. But hey, it does add plenty of juice to the squeeze 😁
I'd consider myself a transcender by the definition offered, however it is important, I think, not to expect that life be perfect, not a trouble-free meander through paradise in a state of perpetual bliss. Much of the writing on Substack, and, indeed, in day to day conversations, has to do with what isn't ideal, what's tiring, what's unfair, what, in a perfect world, would be different.
People in particular tend to be lazy, dishonest, incompetent, hypocritical by and large. I can't remember who said it, but the problem with democracy is that the majority of people are fools. Oliver Wendell Holmes I think. Only a tiny residue of human effort makes a positive contribution, overall, to the planet, to other human beings. Still, there is much beauty, much courage and selflessness to focus on and celebrate, just as there is much unhelpful behavior to ignore.
I'm fascinated by B-language (which I understand and use inherently under my own name(s)) and B-cognition. Gonna check out the book to see if it talks about them more!
Definitely see myself here. Yes, a cosmic sadness and yes, a seer of beauty and awe in so much of what is around me. A loneliness, even though I’m surrounded by friends and family. I wish there was a way to identify transcenders among us. Well, likely they are the people staring off, slight smile, or listening deeply to a friend… I still find fellow-transcenders hard to meet in life. I will read Transcend for sure.
Just as it happened when I read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking more than 10 years ago, the framing and content of this post have hit home-- and as of today I can 'get with' the notion of being a transcender.
The pairing of 'greater heights of happiness' with being 'prone to cosmic sadness' section not only resonates with me, but it pinpointed the emotional challenge I am having in making consistent progress on a writing project of my own.
With the apprehension that accompanies the possibility this comment will draw no response, I press on :-).
Based on a couple years of "on again, off again" research driven by a series of questions, I believe addiction to violent video gaming is a vastly uncovered issue in our society. Not only that, but there is a small subset of popular authorities on this topic who deny there is much of a relationship between the practice of gaming and real-world behavior.
A countless number of home lives in America are impacted by gaming addiction every day, with consequences running the gamut of being fairly innocuous to serious and life-threatening acts committed by those under the influence of gaming as a major preceding factor.
The deniers say there is no causal evidence of this. There is a strong chance this view is very shortsighted.
I don't want to delve into the specifics of the argument here, but if it goes anywhere, it will not be without an accompanying sadness, and not only because prominent political leaders on both sides of the aisle have tried to elevate the issue-- only to be drowned out by a virulent strain of economic culture that has found its way into the mainstream with the cooperation of expert and major media mouthpieces.
To lessen the loneliness of this personal battle, I invite the Quiet Life community members to 'ride along' with the effort in any form you see fit. An acknowledgement, question, challenge, or piece of feedback of any kinds would be most welcome.
For the record, I do have an amazing writing coach (whose name is Ann Kroeker) but I have yet to find a group of supporters at a minimum, or collaborators at a maximum.
This subject being heavy as it is, I have many themes in development, any one of which could practically be a thesis on its own.
Won't you join me in some fashion? If you are a writer yourself, maybe there is an opportunity to help each other out as part of a buddy system.
Your post caught my attention as I have an adult autistic son who is a video gamer and who often plays what I consider violent games. A little about my son. He is what Susan just described--a transcender. He's a gentle soul who reveres everything, who is creative, kind, diplomatic, who sees that there is goodness in all people and living creatures, who finds the beauty in the smallest of things, who wouldn't squash a bug, who lives believing there is always a way to something better and greater, who is challenged daily is his own life but doesn't give up. He deals with anxiety, especially social anxiety, and depression. Gaming brought him out of his shell, somewhat and gave him a community of friends.
Here are some things I learned about what this gaming community has given him:
- a voice he never had
- friends with whom he has deep conversations
- more confidence
- a place where he can be when he wants, but can leave when it's too much
I asked him what drew him to violent video games and he initially said, "I never really thought about it." So I asked him, knowing the type of person he is, why is he ok with the violence in the games and he told me that he doesn't see it that way, but more of a puzzle to solve, like in combat, a way to engage his need to do something challenging at a fast pace, that forces him to focus his attention (something he has a lot of trouble with in real life), and to learn to respond quickly and efficiently. He doesn't focus on the violence that is occurring, but rather the strategy, the logic, the challenge. I also remember him once telling me, "It's not real life. It's just a game. And I know the difference."
I know this is probably not the norm, and I share your concern about desensitizing our youth to violence. Maybe it has something to do with being mature enough to discern between the real world and fantasy, something our youth is not mature enough to do.
As for the addiction to gaming, I do think that is a problem. For my son, though, it brings him together with his tribe. I see him playing and then they disengage to have a serious chat--about politics, about a world event, about a new scientific discovery--so for him, it's his community. And from that, I've seen him build friendships, even travel to meet them (alone, no less--so huge for my autistic son), and actually leave behind his computer to spend time with people outside his family, something he never did before he became a part of that gaming community.
He has told me, quite often, that one must be careful in those environments (like Discord, where he often hangs out), because there are some "bad actors" out there. Youth have a hard time knowing what to look out for, how to protect themselves, and can get drawn into some scary stuff. My son wasn't in the gaming community until he was in his early twenties. He has always been more mature than his peers. Kids don't know how to protect themselves and I think parents need to be more involved in their lives and know what their kids are doing.
I fear, too, that big corporations prey on our youth. I watched a documentary about those working in the industry who don't allow their own kids to use the media and that says a lot. It's alarming that those creating the content know the harm these social media and gaming platforms can cause. Some move on, but others just keep feeding the industry. Profit over people.
I'm not a writer, but I thought I'd share my thoughts, since your post intrigued me, and it sparked a conversation with my son that helped me understand his perspective on it.
Thank you for the personal story you wrapped in a comprehensive reply on the topic of video gaming that I invited feedback on. I am very pleased my post helped prompt a conversation with your son-- that's a 'win' in and of itself. :-)
As you've recognized in the situation involving your son, video game play surely can yield many benefits depending on the people and life variables involved. It is wonderful to hear he took time before joining a gaming community, and it sounds as though he has enjoyed a supportive and loving upbringing that instilled him with good values.
Being one (myself) who believes that the video game play of some gamers is at least as significant a problem as the social media topic garnering so much attention these days, your thoughtful acknowledgments of gaming addiction, potential 'bad actors' and corporations who prey on youth are appreciated as well.
Similar to the collective work begun on limiting smart phone use and curbing the reach of apps, there are many kinds of emotional and social problems that excessive gaming activity can lead to that deserve more attention as well.
To protect against going into 'thesis defense mode' and stay with your share & value of this forum, two more things:
1. The scenario you describe with your autistic son is an important PLUS story for an industry that has supplanted movies and music in size in the U.S. I have heard a related story from an individual in my community who worked in special education and also has a son on the autism spectrum.
But just as almost anything can be used for good or ill (steel, food, drugs, drones, etc.) I, along with a large contingent of media influence researchers out there-- believe video game play has many deleterious effects on our world that, in my opinion, are being glossed over for an almost unexplainable set of reasons.
2. To the Quiet Crowd summoned to this space by Susan Cain, I am blessed and lucky to be among your company. After several months of dropping word of a blog-in-development on the gaming topic to people in my world, I count Nancy's piece of feedback to be the most meaningful written expression of feedback to date.
With this budding exchange, I am more convinced than ever I am beginning to find "my people"-- and I look forward to increasing my participation in this thoughtful community in the weeks and months to come.
I read Quiet first, now in the middle of Bittersweet. Read this article, have also been reading Lord of the Rings. A passage encapsulates this...
"And all the host laughed and wept, and in the midst of their merriment and tears the clear voice of a minstrel rose like silver and gold, and all men were hushed. And he sang to them, now in the elven-tongue, now in the speech of the West, until their hearts, wounded with sweet words, overflowed, and their joy was like swords, and they passed in thought out to regions where pain and delight flow together and tears are the very wine of blessedness."
What I'm currently learning to do definitely holding on to those moments of 'heaven' so that they can sustain me when the storms gets rough in this life. It's often been hard for me to hold on to fleeting moments of joy, I've always wished they lasted longer. A part of me knows that I'm a transcender; the title fits some of the reasons why I last a little longer taking in beauty or nature. Why looking up at a starry night and a splash of colour on somedays looking at the sky, brings tears to my eyes and why, no justification for things like war makes sense to me if it brings so much pain to the innocent. I've often stayed away from commenting or being vocal about all the ugliness of the world since, it's all too much for one like me to be a part of.
For a very long time, I struggled with why I seem to be and live and thrive in basking in nostalgia, why smells, tunes and memories (even those not my own) move, inspire make me nostalgic for a time that was never mine, melancholic about experiences that have never been my own and weary about that all of it, is at the end of the day, in one person.
Hence, the other part of me doesn't know if I have a title as a transcender, but it'd be nice to belong and feel at home in such or any description.
"inspire make me nostalgic for a time that was never mine, melancholic about experiences that have never been my own and weary about that all of it, is at the end of the day, in one person." So very lovely. Thank you.
The attached art is wonderful! I especially like the girl in the window and the Picasso! The Picasso shows the great depth of detail that a mono color ( not monotone) picture can carry. I usually associate that with black and white photography, but Picasso shows his genius here.
My father introduced me to Maslow when I was in high school. Dad was an expert in human communication theory (PhD) and one of the pioneers of educational television and distance learning. Besides Maslow, he introduced me to such diverse thinkers as Claude Shannon and Alfred Korzybski,to name only two. He also nurtured my love of great writing and literature, including that great literature of informed speculation,ScienceFiction. I learned to appreciate philosophy from him. As a result, I was a philosophy minor in University in connection with my Physics and Math degrees. I could have enjoyed a career in Philosophy but I chose experimental Physics (PhD). I have made my career as a NASA experimental high-energy particle astrophysicist.
This is an exceptionally interesting discussion and I would not like to take on the title of transcender but many of the points discussed resonate with me.
I responded below to John about my son being a transcender. Susan, I read your post several times and saw myself and my son in so many of those descriptions. He and I definitely share a different space together--another level of thinking and being. Even at a young age, while we were homeschooling, I often thought that he was such a deep and special soul, someone, who if he had the confidence and was free of mental health issues, could change the world. Sometimes his thoughts would blow me away--how he views the world and other people, how he thinks deeply about what changes would make this world a better place. He has been someone that I connect so deeply with, and when he's not around (while at college or away for a few days) I feel such an emptiness in our home, like a light has gone out. I love all my kids deeply and they are all so very special to me, but the connection I have with my oldest son stems from us sharing this trait you have labeled for us--transcenders.
And now there is a word that brings together my felt and expressed kaleidoscope thank you.
Transcendent. A new work to add to my vocabulary of self-understanding. This was a bell ringing true. Thank you. I’ve been using mystic and radical but transcender adds new nuances.
Longing ,transcend my heart depths,for without Ionging I feel there is no growth into transcending wisdom, beautiful journey rainbow trails
I'm late in reading this, but YES!!!!! As Andi mentions in her comment, I feel seen! With every sentence, I was exclaiming, "Yes! This is me!" Thank you, Susan for this! I am so incredibly grateful to be here with you and all the other transcenders.
So glad I stumbled onto your stack today, Susan! I deeply resonate here and this has been the driving impulse behind my own stack.
The ability to see better while mired in the muck of a world addicted to its patterns and pathologies is the great challenge of every mystic and seer. But hey, it does add plenty of juice to the squeeze 😁
I feel seen!
I'd consider myself a transcender by the definition offered, however it is important, I think, not to expect that life be perfect, not a trouble-free meander through paradise in a state of perpetual bliss. Much of the writing on Substack, and, indeed, in day to day conversations, has to do with what isn't ideal, what's tiring, what's unfair, what, in a perfect world, would be different.
People in particular tend to be lazy, dishonest, incompetent, hypocritical by and large. I can't remember who said it, but the problem with democracy is that the majority of people are fools. Oliver Wendell Holmes I think. Only a tiny residue of human effort makes a positive contribution, overall, to the planet, to other human beings. Still, there is much beauty, much courage and selflessness to focus on and celebrate, just as there is much unhelpful behavior to ignore.
I'm fascinated by B-language (which I understand and use inherently under my own name(s)) and B-cognition. Gonna check out the book to see if it talks about them more!
Although I have read Maslow long ago ( about 60 years) I may have to renew my reading and would certainly like to read SBK. I will put him on my list.
Definitely see myself here. Yes, a cosmic sadness and yes, a seer of beauty and awe in so much of what is around me. A loneliness, even though I’m surrounded by friends and family. I wish there was a way to identify transcenders among us. Well, likely they are the people staring off, slight smile, or listening deeply to a friend… I still find fellow-transcenders hard to meet in life. I will read Transcend for sure.
Just as it happened when I read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking more than 10 years ago, the framing and content of this post have hit home-- and as of today I can 'get with' the notion of being a transcender.
The pairing of 'greater heights of happiness' with being 'prone to cosmic sadness' section not only resonates with me, but it pinpointed the emotional challenge I am having in making consistent progress on a writing project of my own.
With the apprehension that accompanies the possibility this comment will draw no response, I press on :-).
Based on a couple years of "on again, off again" research driven by a series of questions, I believe addiction to violent video gaming is a vastly uncovered issue in our society. Not only that, but there is a small subset of popular authorities on this topic who deny there is much of a relationship between the practice of gaming and real-world behavior.
A countless number of home lives in America are impacted by gaming addiction every day, with consequences running the gamut of being fairly innocuous to serious and life-threatening acts committed by those under the influence of gaming as a major preceding factor.
The deniers say there is no causal evidence of this. There is a strong chance this view is very shortsighted.
I don't want to delve into the specifics of the argument here, but if it goes anywhere, it will not be without an accompanying sadness, and not only because prominent political leaders on both sides of the aisle have tried to elevate the issue-- only to be drowned out by a virulent strain of economic culture that has found its way into the mainstream with the cooperation of expert and major media mouthpieces.
To lessen the loneliness of this personal battle, I invite the Quiet Life community members to 'ride along' with the effort in any form you see fit. An acknowledgement, question, challenge, or piece of feedback of any kinds would be most welcome.
For the record, I do have an amazing writing coach (whose name is Ann Kroeker) but I have yet to find a group of supporters at a minimum, or collaborators at a maximum.
This subject being heavy as it is, I have many themes in development, any one of which could practically be a thesis on its own.
Won't you join me in some fashion? If you are a writer yourself, maybe there is an opportunity to help each other out as part of a buddy system.
Thanks for considering and best regards,
John
Hello John,
Your post caught my attention as I have an adult autistic son who is a video gamer and who often plays what I consider violent games. A little about my son. He is what Susan just described--a transcender. He's a gentle soul who reveres everything, who is creative, kind, diplomatic, who sees that there is goodness in all people and living creatures, who finds the beauty in the smallest of things, who wouldn't squash a bug, who lives believing there is always a way to something better and greater, who is challenged daily is his own life but doesn't give up. He deals with anxiety, especially social anxiety, and depression. Gaming brought him out of his shell, somewhat and gave him a community of friends.
Here are some things I learned about what this gaming community has given him:
- a voice he never had
- friends with whom he has deep conversations
- more confidence
- a place where he can be when he wants, but can leave when it's too much
I asked him what drew him to violent video games and he initially said, "I never really thought about it." So I asked him, knowing the type of person he is, why is he ok with the violence in the games and he told me that he doesn't see it that way, but more of a puzzle to solve, like in combat, a way to engage his need to do something challenging at a fast pace, that forces him to focus his attention (something he has a lot of trouble with in real life), and to learn to respond quickly and efficiently. He doesn't focus on the violence that is occurring, but rather the strategy, the logic, the challenge. I also remember him once telling me, "It's not real life. It's just a game. And I know the difference."
I know this is probably not the norm, and I share your concern about desensitizing our youth to violence. Maybe it has something to do with being mature enough to discern between the real world and fantasy, something our youth is not mature enough to do.
As for the addiction to gaming, I do think that is a problem. For my son, though, it brings him together with his tribe. I see him playing and then they disengage to have a serious chat--about politics, about a world event, about a new scientific discovery--so for him, it's his community. And from that, I've seen him build friendships, even travel to meet them (alone, no less--so huge for my autistic son), and actually leave behind his computer to spend time with people outside his family, something he never did before he became a part of that gaming community.
He has told me, quite often, that one must be careful in those environments (like Discord, where he often hangs out), because there are some "bad actors" out there. Youth have a hard time knowing what to look out for, how to protect themselves, and can get drawn into some scary stuff. My son wasn't in the gaming community until he was in his early twenties. He has always been more mature than his peers. Kids don't know how to protect themselves and I think parents need to be more involved in their lives and know what their kids are doing.
I fear, too, that big corporations prey on our youth. I watched a documentary about those working in the industry who don't allow their own kids to use the media and that says a lot. It's alarming that those creating the content know the harm these social media and gaming platforms can cause. Some move on, but others just keep feeding the industry. Profit over people.
I'm not a writer, but I thought I'd share my thoughts, since your post intrigued me, and it sparked a conversation with my son that helped me understand his perspective on it.
Hi, Nancy:
Thank you for the personal story you wrapped in a comprehensive reply on the topic of video gaming that I invited feedback on. I am very pleased my post helped prompt a conversation with your son-- that's a 'win' in and of itself. :-)
As you've recognized in the situation involving your son, video game play surely can yield many benefits depending on the people and life variables involved. It is wonderful to hear he took time before joining a gaming community, and it sounds as though he has enjoyed a supportive and loving upbringing that instilled him with good values.
Being one (myself) who believes that the video game play of some gamers is at least as significant a problem as the social media topic garnering so much attention these days, your thoughtful acknowledgments of gaming addiction, potential 'bad actors' and corporations who prey on youth are appreciated as well.
Similar to the collective work begun on limiting smart phone use and curbing the reach of apps, there are many kinds of emotional and social problems that excessive gaming activity can lead to that deserve more attention as well.
To protect against going into 'thesis defense mode' and stay with your share & value of this forum, two more things:
1. The scenario you describe with your autistic son is an important PLUS story for an industry that has supplanted movies and music in size in the U.S. I have heard a related story from an individual in my community who worked in special education and also has a son on the autism spectrum.
But just as almost anything can be used for good or ill (steel, food, drugs, drones, etc.) I, along with a large contingent of media influence researchers out there-- believe video game play has many deleterious effects on our world that, in my opinion, are being glossed over for an almost unexplainable set of reasons.
2. To the Quiet Crowd summoned to this space by Susan Cain, I am blessed and lucky to be among your company. After several months of dropping word of a blog-in-development on the gaming topic to people in my world, I count Nancy's piece of feedback to be the most meaningful written expression of feedback to date.
With this budding exchange, I am more convinced than ever I am beginning to find "my people"-- and I look forward to increasing my participation in this thoughtful community in the weeks and months to come.
Let's keep the dialogue going~
John
I read Quiet first, now in the middle of Bittersweet. Read this article, have also been reading Lord of the Rings. A passage encapsulates this...
"And all the host laughed and wept, and in the midst of their merriment and tears the clear voice of a minstrel rose like silver and gold, and all men were hushed. And he sang to them, now in the elven-tongue, now in the speech of the West, until their hearts, wounded with sweet words, overflowed, and their joy was like swords, and they passed in thought out to regions where pain and delight flow together and tears are the very wine of blessedness."
Out beyond ideas of right doing and wrong doing there is a field. I’ll meet you there” -Rumi
ohhhh that's gorgeous.
What I'm currently learning to do definitely holding on to those moments of 'heaven' so that they can sustain me when the storms gets rough in this life. It's often been hard for me to hold on to fleeting moments of joy, I've always wished they lasted longer. A part of me knows that I'm a transcender; the title fits some of the reasons why I last a little longer taking in beauty or nature. Why looking up at a starry night and a splash of colour on somedays looking at the sky, brings tears to my eyes and why, no justification for things like war makes sense to me if it brings so much pain to the innocent. I've often stayed away from commenting or being vocal about all the ugliness of the world since, it's all too much for one like me to be a part of.
For a very long time, I struggled with why I seem to be and live and thrive in basking in nostalgia, why smells, tunes and memories (even those not my own) move, inspire make me nostalgic for a time that was never mine, melancholic about experiences that have never been my own and weary about that all of it, is at the end of the day, in one person.
Hence, the other part of me doesn't know if I have a title as a transcender, but it'd be nice to belong and feel at home in such or any description.
Thank you for this piece.
"inspire make me nostalgic for a time that was never mine, melancholic about experiences that have never been my own and weary about that all of it, is at the end of the day, in one person." So very lovely. Thank you.
The attached art is wonderful! I especially like the girl in the window and the Picasso! The Picasso shows the great depth of detail that a mono color ( not monotone) picture can carry. I usually associate that with black and white photography, but Picasso shows his genius here.
My father introduced me to Maslow when I was in high school. Dad was an expert in human communication theory (PhD) and one of the pioneers of educational television and distance learning. Besides Maslow, he introduced me to such diverse thinkers as Claude Shannon and Alfred Korzybski,to name only two. He also nurtured my love of great writing and literature, including that great literature of informed speculation,ScienceFiction. I learned to appreciate philosophy from him. As a result, I was a philosophy minor in University in connection with my Physics and Math degrees. I could have enjoyed a career in Philosophy but I chose experimental Physics (PhD). I have made my career as a NASA experimental high-energy particle astrophysicist.
This is an exceptionally interesting discussion and I would not like to take on the title of transcender but many of the points discussed resonate with me.
Nice! Humility is our sweet spot between all our needs and the world around us.