My husband and I bought our first home just short of a year ago. Part of this home's purpose was to welcome others where we couldn't have previously in our rental space. While I initially thought this a wonderful ideal, I remembered how introverted AND Enneagram five I am, making these hosting events cumbersome and causes of anxiety. I will bookmark this piece of content and every time we host and I get stressed or worried, I will return here for peace and fantastic ideas. Thank you 💛
Avoidance always works. A good escape and evasion plan is always good. Check all the points of egress, gutters to slide down, vents to crawl through...
This came for me at the perfect time! I'm an introvert and my husband and daughter are AuDHD so gathering people in our home is like pulling teeth! Out of all of us, I'm the one who wants to do it and they don't, but they seem to love it once it's happening. These tips give me a great jumping off point and nudge. I would just add -- for small gatherings, create the gathering around an activity. My plan is to hire someone to do a Sound Bath/Healing at my house. I'll bake some treats with my daughter before the party and people can stick around and enjoy them after the sound healing or go along their merry way if they'd rather take a nap.
I love the idea of adding a touch of play to gatherings! Years ago, when I entertained almost weekly, I would set out wooden brainteaser puzzles on the table. They were great ice-breakers and gave me a little extra time in the kitchen to finish any prep, and saved me from much of the initial small talk ;)
Why did I entertain so often? It was either that or be invited out, which was common in my then young growing community. I preferred to stay in my comfort zone — home sweet home.
I’d have two or three couples over at a time, which was great in that they were able to converse with each other - this way I wasn’t missed too much when I stepped away for moments in-between ;)
Plus, I loved getting creative with food and table settings. In retrospect I realize that my wish to share that joy with others was stronger than any butterflies I carried in my belly.
Now my kids are grown and gatherings are primarily focused on family and the grandkiddos. Gone is the fancy, but I still bring puzzles to the table - and they love it!
I like the idea of small invitations to play or discreet stimuli to help jumpstart a conversation. and the face paint example- kind of a forced entry point for a conversation with each person at the event. I wonder what other ideas/ examples readers have, to add to this list?
The post spoke to me, i am amazed that someone totally gets our introverted perspective. I am supposed to host group meetings but i had put off the idea because i thought i did not have it in me to do so. Wonderful insights!
Thank you for introducing us to hosting from an introvert perspective! I indeed had never thought of myself as a possible host (I usually avoid organising gathering at my place but feel guilty when I'm invited to not return the favor), but this post changed my perspective. Also, my home town (Salon de Provence) is near Aix en Provence and I loved the description "It’s basically Paris in the sunshine, but with its own glorious flavor"! Very poetic. Never thought of it that way. Brought wonderful memories back, especially the picture of the quiet terrace... I think I know that place :)
Marvellous insights here casting warm light back upon my past re gatherings -- mid-century 1950's, I was the youngest in an active family socialising afresh after WWII. My Mum became a brilliant hostess of group festivities both small and large. My Dad, classic introvert with a warm heart, managed his hosting duties well and conversed mostly in anecdotes and shaggy-dog stories. Good role models, as was my oldest sib, talented single mom involved in the arts, a merry hostess. I helped her prep her decorations and other components for her parties. Painfully shy in company, I was a curious observer, if present at all. Priya's methods were much in play, super-successfully, so it's grand to see them gaining ground in this changed world seventy years on!
Somehow, my quiet presence in that vibrant renaissance of partying post-war meant that, once married to a very sociable young man, I became a rather 'groovy' hostess myself, capable of rounding up relatives for big reunions or holiday feasts, and basking in the shindigs myself. As a couple, we two fared well as hosts till my fella's death at age 40 (forty years ago!), Without my gregarious spouse as co-host and reliable buffer, I withdrew from hostessing,. Besides, few mixed gatherings dared to invite a youngish widow. IF I had an available "+1" myself I did sometimes create a small, easy-going event.
Luckily, attending 'do's' amongst people I know and like was pleasant as long as other singles were there too. -- Yet an unexpected Big Change recently: as a senior-Senior with scant interest in in-person hobnobbing anymore, I stay home, welcoming informative, thoughtful, and pleasing interactions in kindred groups such as ours here -- online! And today, thanks to your 'Babbel' connection, Susan, a dream is coming true: at last I am taking an affordable, well-reviewed, conversational French course -- online! 🇫🇷
Dear Catharine, I love this comment in a thousand ways. Your spirit shines through. Also, I'm thrilled to know you're going to benefit from the Babbel connection!
Can’t say I really enjoy hosting, but for a few years in a row my company asked us to host the company Christmas party. Why? Cuz it was darn fun, that’s why! We did a casino night, literally transformed our house into a casino. Craps, roulette, blackjack… the dealers worn white shirts with black bow ties. The betting money? All the denominations had pictures of various company people on them. And IF you lost all of your money before the party was over, we had a list of things you could do to earn a little and get back in the game! Singing a carole was a BIG earner, but even getting someone a drink would get you enough for a few bets (we didn’t want anyone left out!). The last betting of the night was on the horse races, and we printed up race bet forms and played some horse races we had recorded on TV, and wow, ohhh wow, when the horses were heading for the finish line, the shouts were so boisterous it nearly blew the roof off! The end of the party was the chance to use your fake money winnings to buy gifts, so the big winners did better than the small winners. Yes, designing a party in a way that will include everyone and is fun for all is key, if you can pull it off. As for me, the host, I was on auto pilot at these parties, not much I had to do, the theme became the energy, and we did it in a way that would include everyone! I only did it a few years, and felt I’d done my part.
I'd go for the lounge stocked with cigars and good whiskey! The star of the high school theater mentioned in the article could be an introvert though. Many of those people are and their performance is an act where they get "in flow" and doesn't always represent their real personality. I think I've mentioned this before on here, but talk show host Johnny Carson was shy and had social anxiety. His show was just a performance.
Susan, I'm not a performer but I understand the state of being in flow from my photojournalism. There were two people I know in a couple of my pictures. I never saw them when taking the pictures because I was so immersed in my task.
It's an amazing feeling and SBK has written about the flow state. He described it as a feeling of being one with the universe with all outside distractions turned off. I have to be careful with photography though and not turn everything off or I could bump into people or even worse, step out into traffic.
Another brilliantly timed letter, thank you! I am thinking hard about whether to celebrate my birthday next year (60!!). I swing from idea to idea, then retreat due to cost or energy overwhelm fears.
This letter makes me think in a new and more intentional way. What kind of gathering would I like to attend? How would it look, sound, feel, smell?
I have realised that I do want to celebrate but in an artful and interesting way.... Ideas welcome from this group as we are like-minded!!
This is giving me courage. I recently moved into a new neighborhood- a cluster model where homes are fairly close to each other but nestled in and surrounded by trails, forest and meadow. I dream of events I'd like to host but fear I never will. Quiet nature walks with invitations at different spots. Tea ceremony in the forest. I remember one of the first gatherings I attended here. I was filled with anxiety but forced myself to go. The women of the neighborhood sat in a circle and gave a brief introduction. This always makes me tremble. I was surprised and comforted when someone self identified as an introvert and over half the women raised their hands in support and encouragement. Envisioning entertaining as creating experiences I'd like to attend and remembering how many of us are quiet ones helps.
Priya’s book completely transformed the way I think about gathering. Even though I’m fairly introverted, I gravitate towards hosting events because I love designing spaces for people to engage in different ways. Being a great host isn’t about being louder, it’s about being intentional and bringing your values to life.
Two fun gatherings I’ve done before that I loved are a Soup Off, where everyone brings their own soup to compete, and a “Regift-mas” during the holidays where everyone brings something from their home to regift, plays games to determine who gets to choose a gift first, and takes something else home that they like. They are both smaller gatherings where I get to share my love for cooking and living sustainably.
Honestly, I care and pay attention only the talk regarding myself whether emotional, business and physical side. I often feel it is hard to engage in a group of individuals who are different in ideas and attitudes.
My husband and I bought our first home just short of a year ago. Part of this home's purpose was to welcome others where we couldn't have previously in our rental space. While I initially thought this a wonderful ideal, I remembered how introverted AND Enneagram five I am, making these hosting events cumbersome and causes of anxiety. I will bookmark this piece of content and every time we host and I get stressed or worried, I will return here for peace and fantastic ideas. Thank you 💛
Avoidance always works. A good escape and evasion plan is always good. Check all the points of egress, gutters to slide down, vents to crawl through...
Wish everyone the most lovely beautiful day ever 🩵💜🐾🌲🍂
This came for me at the perfect time! I'm an introvert and my husband and daughter are AuDHD so gathering people in our home is like pulling teeth! Out of all of us, I'm the one who wants to do it and they don't, but they seem to love it once it's happening. These tips give me a great jumping off point and nudge. I would just add -- for small gatherings, create the gathering around an activity. My plan is to hire someone to do a Sound Bath/Healing at my house. I'll bake some treats with my daughter before the party and people can stick around and enjoy them after the sound healing or go along their merry way if they'd rather take a nap.
I love the idea of adding a touch of play to gatherings! Years ago, when I entertained almost weekly, I would set out wooden brainteaser puzzles on the table. They were great ice-breakers and gave me a little extra time in the kitchen to finish any prep, and saved me from much of the initial small talk ;)
Why did I entertain so often? It was either that or be invited out, which was common in my then young growing community. I preferred to stay in my comfort zone — home sweet home.
I’d have two or three couples over at a time, which was great in that they were able to converse with each other - this way I wasn’t missed too much when I stepped away for moments in-between ;)
Plus, I loved getting creative with food and table settings. In retrospect I realize that my wish to share that joy with others was stronger than any butterflies I carried in my belly.
Now my kids are grown and gatherings are primarily focused on family and the grandkiddos. Gone is the fancy, but I still bring puzzles to the table - and they love it!
I like the idea of small invitations to play or discreet stimuli to help jumpstart a conversation. and the face paint example- kind of a forced entry point for a conversation with each person at the event. I wonder what other ideas/ examples readers have, to add to this list?
Good question, Debbie!
The post spoke to me, i am amazed that someone totally gets our introverted perspective. I am supposed to host group meetings but i had put off the idea because i thought i did not have it in me to do so. Wonderful insights!
Thank you for introducing us to hosting from an introvert perspective! I indeed had never thought of myself as a possible host (I usually avoid organising gathering at my place but feel guilty when I'm invited to not return the favor), but this post changed my perspective. Also, my home town (Salon de Provence) is near Aix en Provence and I loved the description "It’s basically Paris in the sunshine, but with its own glorious flavor"! Very poetic. Never thought of it that way. Brought wonderful memories back, especially the picture of the quiet terrace... I think I know that place :)
I really think the whole region is one of the best places on earth!
Marvellous insights here casting warm light back upon my past re gatherings -- mid-century 1950's, I was the youngest in an active family socialising afresh after WWII. My Mum became a brilliant hostess of group festivities both small and large. My Dad, classic introvert with a warm heart, managed his hosting duties well and conversed mostly in anecdotes and shaggy-dog stories. Good role models, as was my oldest sib, talented single mom involved in the arts, a merry hostess. I helped her prep her decorations and other components for her parties. Painfully shy in company, I was a curious observer, if present at all. Priya's methods were much in play, super-successfully, so it's grand to see them gaining ground in this changed world seventy years on!
Somehow, my quiet presence in that vibrant renaissance of partying post-war meant that, once married to a very sociable young man, I became a rather 'groovy' hostess myself, capable of rounding up relatives for big reunions or holiday feasts, and basking in the shindigs myself. As a couple, we two fared well as hosts till my fella's death at age 40 (forty years ago!), Without my gregarious spouse as co-host and reliable buffer, I withdrew from hostessing,. Besides, few mixed gatherings dared to invite a youngish widow. IF I had an available "+1" myself I did sometimes create a small, easy-going event.
Luckily, attending 'do's' amongst people I know and like was pleasant as long as other singles were there too. -- Yet an unexpected Big Change recently: as a senior-Senior with scant interest in in-person hobnobbing anymore, I stay home, welcoming informative, thoughtful, and pleasing interactions in kindred groups such as ours here -- online! And today, thanks to your 'Babbel' connection, Susan, a dream is coming true: at last I am taking an affordable, well-reviewed, conversational French course -- online! 🇫🇷
Dear Catharine, I love this comment in a thousand ways. Your spirit shines through. Also, I'm thrilled to know you're going to benefit from the Babbel connection!
I have hosted a few events, but I am always relieved when they are over! I like the ideas brought up by Priya. Those are worth trying😉
Can’t say I really enjoy hosting, but for a few years in a row my company asked us to host the company Christmas party. Why? Cuz it was darn fun, that’s why! We did a casino night, literally transformed our house into a casino. Craps, roulette, blackjack… the dealers worn white shirts with black bow ties. The betting money? All the denominations had pictures of various company people on them. And IF you lost all of your money before the party was over, we had a list of things you could do to earn a little and get back in the game! Singing a carole was a BIG earner, but even getting someone a drink would get you enough for a few bets (we didn’t want anyone left out!). The last betting of the night was on the horse races, and we printed up race bet forms and played some horse races we had recorded on TV, and wow, ohhh wow, when the horses were heading for the finish line, the shouts were so boisterous it nearly blew the roof off! The end of the party was the chance to use your fake money winnings to buy gifts, so the big winners did better than the small winners. Yes, designing a party in a way that will include everyone and is fun for all is key, if you can pull it off. As for me, the host, I was on auto pilot at these parties, not much I had to do, the theme became the energy, and we did it in a way that would include everyone! I only did it a few years, and felt I’d done my part.
I'd go for the lounge stocked with cigars and good whiskey! The star of the high school theater mentioned in the article could be an introvert though. Many of those people are and their performance is an act where they get "in flow" and doesn't always represent their real personality. I think I've mentioned this before on here, but talk show host Johnny Carson was shy and had social anxiety. His show was just a performance.
So true- I’ve interviewed many performers who say this.
Susan, I'm not a performer but I understand the state of being in flow from my photojournalism. There were two people I know in a couple of my pictures. I never saw them when taking the pictures because I was so immersed in my task.
I so relate!
It's an amazing feeling and SBK has written about the flow state. He described it as a feeling of being one with the universe with all outside distractions turned off. I have to be careful with photography though and not turn everything off or I could bump into people or even worse, step out into traffic.
Another brilliantly timed letter, thank you! I am thinking hard about whether to celebrate my birthday next year (60!!). I swing from idea to idea, then retreat due to cost or energy overwhelm fears.
This letter makes me think in a new and more intentional way. What kind of gathering would I like to attend? How would it look, sound, feel, smell?
I have realised that I do want to celebrate but in an artful and interesting way.... Ideas welcome from this group as we are like-minded!!
I had the same challenge recently and ended up doing an intimate catered bbq which everyone really enjoyed.
Thanks Paul, glad you enjoyed and had the occasion you wanted.
This is giving me courage. I recently moved into a new neighborhood- a cluster model where homes are fairly close to each other but nestled in and surrounded by trails, forest and meadow. I dream of events I'd like to host but fear I never will. Quiet nature walks with invitations at different spots. Tea ceremony in the forest. I remember one of the first gatherings I attended here. I was filled with anxiety but forced myself to go. The women of the neighborhood sat in a circle and gave a brief introduction. This always makes me tremble. I was surprised and comforted when someone self identified as an introvert and over half the women raised their hands in support and encouragement. Envisioning entertaining as creating experiences I'd like to attend and remembering how many of us are quiet ones helps.
there are so so many - I know this bc, given my role, people come and tell me so - and often it's ppl you'd never expect.
Priya’s book completely transformed the way I think about gathering. Even though I’m fairly introverted, I gravitate towards hosting events because I love designing spaces for people to engage in different ways. Being a great host isn’t about being louder, it’s about being intentional and bringing your values to life.
Two fun gatherings I’ve done before that I loved are a Soup Off, where everyone brings their own soup to compete, and a “Regift-mas” during the holidays where everyone brings something from their home to regift, plays games to determine who gets to choose a gift first, and takes something else home that they like. They are both smaller gatherings where I get to share my love for cooking and living sustainably.
Honestly, I care and pay attention only the talk regarding myself whether emotional, business and physical side. I often feel it is hard to engage in a group of individuals who are different in ideas and attitudes.