Why do I feel awkward in groups, even with people I love?
Four ways to handle group dynamics
“This week, a dear reader named Jenn wrote in with a great question. Here is her story in her own words, lightly edited for length and clarity:
I have four friends that I love dearly. I am comfortable and open with each of them when it's one on one... but when we all get together for girls’ night out, I clam up and feel shy.
I'll say quick comments or ask them questions, but sooner or later they want a life update and they'll start asking me questions to draw me out. My brain freaks out when all the attention is on me and I blush and get awkward.
I don't like this and it doesn't even make sense to me. It's like the group takes on a life of its own that makes me uncomfortable. But these are my friends!
What can I do (or think) to feel more at ease when we're all together? I love these people and I want to be myself with them.”
So begins a recent column by Ellen Hendriksen, whose work I’ve long loved (here’s her latest book) and who was a beloved guest at one of our Candlelight Chats.
Today, Ellen responds to Jenn’s question — and to the phenomenon that so many of us have experienced, of feeling uncomfortable EVEN IN GROUPS OF CLOSE FRIENDS.
Here are her four strategies for handling the awkwardness of group socializing: