Thank you
, , , , , and many others for tuning into my live video with my friend ! I always love talking to Gretchen, who is one of the most intellectually enthusiastic and generous people I’ve ever met. If you missed it when we “went live,” you can watch by clicking on the video link above.This conversation was based on Gretchen’s concept (and related bestselling book and newsletter) that we all have “Secrets of Adulthood.” In her video series, she talks with other writers and thinkers about their own Secrets of Adulthood. Today’s post, from Gretchen, is a recap of the key takeaways from our conversation.
Here’s Gretchen:
Intentionality and the Value of Time
One of Susan’s Secrets of Adulthood: “Be a millionaire in time”—meaning, strive to be rich in time rather than money. She explains that while she has many projects that she’d like to pursue, she’s careful to be intentional about saying “yes.” “If I say yes to X, Y, and Z, will I generally wake up feeling excited about my day, or will there be some level of dread involved?”
Like many Secrets of Adulthood, there’s a tension: We want to look forward to what we’re doing, and also push ourselves to do things outside our comfort zone. We discussed how this tension played out for Susan when preparing for her terrific TED Talk, and how she made the decision not to be a millionaire in time for that moment.
It’s always about understanding: “Is it worth it?”
Over and over, I’ve found that the right Secret of Adulthood, invoked at the right time, can help me manage the complexities of life. Not because it suggests a specific answer, but because it provokes reflection and clarity of thinking.
You’ll Probably Be Okay Without Them
Another Secret of Adulthood from Susan: “Let your loved ones go”—especially true, she says, when it comes to the empty nest, or as I’m re-framing it, the open-door stage of life. Her advice is to “Embrace the strange and shocking truth that you will probably be okay without them.”
The ability to love doing other things besides being with your children actually helps you be a better parent to them all the way through. But it also helps when the time comes to let them go.
I couldn’t agree more. In my own experience, I grapple with the paradox of wanting my daughters to know that they are at the center of my life, and absolutely essential to my happiness; and also that I have a full and happy life outside of them, and they aren’t at the center of my happiness. Both are true.
A Key—Perhaps the Key—to Happiness
A final, and what Susan calls her earnest Secret of Adulthood, is to spend time with your kindred spirits. For Susan, this includes family, friends, respected artists like Leonard Cohen, and her community of readers.
I’m reminded of one of my own Secrets of Adulthood, which is: “When in doubt about how to spend our time, energy, or money, spend it on relationships.”
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OK, this is Susan again. I’m curious to know:
*Whether you enjoyed this “Live video,” and whether you’d like to see me do more of these quick (around 20 min) live conversations?
*Which of these “Secrets of Adulthood” resonated with you, and why?
*Who are your kindred spirits?
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