The Quiet Life with Susan Cain

The Quiet Life with Susan Cain

The deep wish to be approved of

What you should know about the impulse to "people-please"

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Susan Cain
Feb 12, 2025
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Art: Arnoud van Mosselveld

People-pleasers are often praised for being agreeable, helpful, and kind - and often they really are these things. But beneath this exterior frequently lies a specific childhood history, and an emotional landscape of anxiety, confusion, and fear of disapproval.

In today’s Kindred Letter, let’s examine the childhood (and other) causes of people-pleasing—and what to do about them.

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