Hi recently joined. I have read QUIET and then gave it to my youngest son attending university age 19. The book resonated with him immensely! I was so happy and I felt he got it, it deeply acknowledged how he felt. But it also gave him permission to be a quiet resonating young human who had no friends, was awkward but self aware , intelligent,capable and intellectual, always questioning. He was OK
Interesting as a human we often do not allow a permission to … just Be Me Myself and emotionally tease out our individual strengths to survive in a world filled with many humans.
So happy to be existing within a form and acceptance here in quiet community.
I’ve read that people who practice metacognition are not that common which surprised me. Perhaps mindfulness should be taught in schools. Not to early on of course. Who really wants a mindful toddler. That would be no fun at all.
And old classic is asking yourself if you would speak that way to a friend. mostly the answer would be no I believe.
Wow, such a thoughtful and thought-provoking piece. And as someone who is very sensitive to words and language, I feel this is my bones. "Extreme language produces extreme emotions." This is going to stay with me. And the idea of moderating language to moderate emotions is wonderful... something practical to do other than deep breaths (which I find a somewhat helpful but not entirely:)).
This is such a great (and timely reminder) for me to pay closer attention to my inner (dark-humored but sometimes overly dramatic) voice. Especially when it comes to anything health related. I grew up in a family that used humor to describe difficult situations so I try to use the good part of that when I am going through a hard time, buuuuuut, sometimes the inner critic and/or doom-and-gloom crew shows up and that can be harder to walk myself back from.
My inner voice is bossy and judgemental to me and probably to others more than I'd like to admit. On repeat is the auxiliary verb, SHOULD. I am learning to differentiate the situation from the story I tell myself (hat tip to Vivienne Gornic and Brene Brown). This strategy helps to reduce the drama.
This made me reflect on the preconditions for enhancing our ability to listen—creating the space to hear our inner voice as well as the voices of others. Beyond what is spoken, it made me wonder how well we tune into our bodies: the goosebumps of excitement, the tension fueled by stress, or the contented smile that speaks directly to us when we recognize joy and good in others. Next time, I will try pausing a little longer, choosing my words with more intention, and listening more deeply. It might be the simplest way to bring out the best in ourselves and each other.
My inner voice(s) narrates my entire life. It is only when I become aware of the nrration that I can step into freedom - first awreness, then awareness of awareness. I try to live there as much as I can. When I do, I can leverage my thinking and the voice that accompies it reasonably well. When I lose awareness I step into trance and live as the narrator. I use yoga, meditation, reading, journaling, and other prompts (bracelets, chime alarms, etc). to remind me to check the narration.....
Our mind shapes our mood through inner self-talk in binary terms (e.g., either/or, all/none). This way of thinking reveals our overall way of being in the world. While correcting erroneous thoughts and exaggerated language can help regulate our emotions in everyday life, especially in intense situations, I also believe we need a worldview - whether philosophical or spiritual - spacious enough to appreciate the interconnectedness of all beings. A nondualistic perspective is good psychology and sound psychological wellness.
Thank you, Susan. I'm just back from my first solo trip abroad. I had tons of this negative chatter in my head before leaving, exaggerating all the imagined dangers and the absurdity of my taking on this pilgrimage. Suffice to say, I not only survived but thrived and gained much-needed confidence. Although I wish I'd had this article to read prior, reading it now is even better timing!
My inner voice is driving me mad too, and has been for months, ever since I moved away from a beloved home with my beloved yoga studio and garden - my choice, (why??) but how critical my voice is, never stopping chiding me, telling me what a fool I am, causing all sorts of problems, physical and emotional. So, I have to really work hard at quietening it because at times it is deafening and I start losing the plot. Chanting a Buddhist mantra at night in bed at 4.00 am in the morning sometimes helps, sometimes not. But I will print out Eric Zimmer's words and read and try and apply, they make a lot of sense, and are very timely for me right now. Thank you to everyone, obviously most of us here seem to shout at ourselves from time to time, very loudly or not so much!
My inner voice likes to tell me what I can't do, or rather, what I can't succeed at. Sometimes we share a joke, but mostly it is a critic. My immediate reaction to life's challenges and obstacles is a very ingrained and unhelpful one, which saps my energy. I'm aware of it, and I'm working on it. This article is certainly something that will give me more tools.
Lovely piece, " don't add more coal to the fire " feel this should be class in school how to talk to ourselves, what if your inner voice was like the poetry we read, or the comfort we give a love one, we dont want others to feel our pain but yet we do little to ease or own, "may we all learn to cry together ", Bear sure know how to put things perspective and The Gang...
I've been thinking about this internal monologue more recently. I find that sometimes I can't hear it in words but there's a feeling tone. Maybe the monologue is still there but it's buried too deep to hear at first. It takes some curiosity and investigating to peel back sometimes multiple layers. There's often a masking feeling to get to the deeper feeling and the language might be all the way under there. It's a process. I'm high maintenance. I need so much extra time to process. Finally figuring that out at almost 50.
Years ago , when realized that “thoughts become things” I started changing the words I used to describe situations. I believe it has calmed my anxiety significantly. Sometimes friends laugh when I change mid-rant from “ It was an absolute nightmare!” to “actually, it was really annoying.” I keep in mind what an “absolute nightmare” might look like ( tornado destroys my house, someone is killed……etc. Yikes, I don’t even like putting those thoughts out there anymore!) and consciously tone down the adjectives. It makes for a significantly more boring story but a less excited nervous system. 🙂
Hi recently joined. I have read QUIET and then gave it to my youngest son attending university age 19. The book resonated with him immensely! I was so happy and I felt he got it, it deeply acknowledged how he felt. But it also gave him permission to be a quiet resonating young human who had no friends, was awkward but self aware , intelligent,capable and intellectual, always questioning. He was OK
Interesting as a human we often do not allow a permission to … just Be Me Myself and emotionally tease out our individual strengths to survive in a world filled with many humans.
So happy to be existing within a form and acceptance here in quiet community.
I’ve read that people who practice metacognition are not that common which surprised me. Perhaps mindfulness should be taught in schools. Not to early on of course. Who really wants a mindful toddler. That would be no fun at all.
And old classic is asking yourself if you would speak that way to a friend. mostly the answer would be no I believe.
Wow, such a thoughtful and thought-provoking piece. And as someone who is very sensitive to words and language, I feel this is my bones. "Extreme language produces extreme emotions." This is going to stay with me. And the idea of moderating language to moderate emotions is wonderful... something practical to do other than deep breaths (which I find a somewhat helpful but not entirely:)).
This is such a great (and timely reminder) for me to pay closer attention to my inner (dark-humored but sometimes overly dramatic) voice. Especially when it comes to anything health related. I grew up in a family that used humor to describe difficult situations so I try to use the good part of that when I am going through a hard time, buuuuuut, sometimes the inner critic and/or doom-and-gloom crew shows up and that can be harder to walk myself back from.
My inner voice is bossy and judgemental to me and probably to others more than I'd like to admit. On repeat is the auxiliary verb, SHOULD. I am learning to differentiate the situation from the story I tell myself (hat tip to Vivienne Gornic and Brene Brown). This strategy helps to reduce the drama.
This made me reflect on the preconditions for enhancing our ability to listen—creating the space to hear our inner voice as well as the voices of others. Beyond what is spoken, it made me wonder how well we tune into our bodies: the goosebumps of excitement, the tension fueled by stress, or the contented smile that speaks directly to us when we recognize joy and good in others. Next time, I will try pausing a little longer, choosing my words with more intention, and listening more deeply. It might be the simplest way to bring out the best in ourselves and each other.
My inner voice(s) narrates my entire life. It is only when I become aware of the nrration that I can step into freedom - first awreness, then awareness of awareness. I try to live there as much as I can. When I do, I can leverage my thinking and the voice that accompies it reasonably well. When I lose awareness I step into trance and live as the narrator. I use yoga, meditation, reading, journaling, and other prompts (bracelets, chime alarms, etc). to remind me to check the narration.....
Our mind shapes our mood through inner self-talk in binary terms (e.g., either/or, all/none). This way of thinking reveals our overall way of being in the world. While correcting erroneous thoughts and exaggerated language can help regulate our emotions in everyday life, especially in intense situations, I also believe we need a worldview - whether philosophical or spiritual - spacious enough to appreciate the interconnectedness of all beings. A nondualistic perspective is good psychology and sound psychological wellness.
Thank you, Susan. I'm just back from my first solo trip abroad. I had tons of this negative chatter in my head before leaving, exaggerating all the imagined dangers and the absurdity of my taking on this pilgrimage. Suffice to say, I not only survived but thrived and gained much-needed confidence. Although I wish I'd had this article to read prior, reading it now is even better timing!
My inner voice is driving me mad too, and has been for months, ever since I moved away from a beloved home with my beloved yoga studio and garden - my choice, (why??) but how critical my voice is, never stopping chiding me, telling me what a fool I am, causing all sorts of problems, physical and emotional. So, I have to really work hard at quietening it because at times it is deafening and I start losing the plot. Chanting a Buddhist mantra at night in bed at 4.00 am in the morning sometimes helps, sometimes not. But I will print out Eric Zimmer's words and read and try and apply, they make a lot of sense, and are very timely for me right now. Thank you to everyone, obviously most of us here seem to shout at ourselves from time to time, very loudly or not so much!
My inner voice likes to tell me what I can't do, or rather, what I can't succeed at. Sometimes we share a joke, but mostly it is a critic. My immediate reaction to life's challenges and obstacles is a very ingrained and unhelpful one, which saps my energy. I'm aware of it, and I'm working on it. This article is certainly something that will give me more tools.
Lovely piece, " don't add more coal to the fire " feel this should be class in school how to talk to ourselves, what if your inner voice was like the poetry we read, or the comfort we give a love one, we dont want others to feel our pain but yet we do little to ease or own, "may we all learn to cry together ", Bear sure know how to put things perspective and The Gang...
Lovely I love it
Extreme expressions affect those other than the speaker.
"No one has ever seen anything like it" definitely rouses an emotional response in me.
I think we have an obligation to others, to tie our speech to reality.
I've been thinking about this internal monologue more recently. I find that sometimes I can't hear it in words but there's a feeling tone. Maybe the monologue is still there but it's buried too deep to hear at first. It takes some curiosity and investigating to peel back sometimes multiple layers. There's often a masking feeling to get to the deeper feeling and the language might be all the way under there. It's a process. I'm high maintenance. I need so much extra time to process. Finally figuring that out at almost 50.
Simply put, and what I often tell people, "The bigger the deal (you make it), the worse you feel."
Years ago , when realized that “thoughts become things” I started changing the words I used to describe situations. I believe it has calmed my anxiety significantly. Sometimes friends laugh when I change mid-rant from “ It was an absolute nightmare!” to “actually, it was really annoying.” I keep in mind what an “absolute nightmare” might look like ( tornado destroys my house, someone is killed……etc. Yikes, I don’t even like putting those thoughts out there anymore!) and consciously tone down the adjectives. It makes for a significantly more boring story but a less excited nervous system. 🙂