One piece of advice that’s rattled around the Internet lately is that we should stop caring what other people think, by remembering the “Spotlight Effect” - the idea that other people are far too busy obsessing about their own lives to pay attention to yours. We may feel that we’re in the spotlight, but mostly that’s in our own heads.
At first I found this idea quite helpful. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it’s not quite right. Because — while it’s true that we’re all preoccupied by our own life and times — it’s also true that others DO notice and judge us, both consciously and unconsciously. This is what we humans are evolutionarily designed to do. We evaluate each other’s warmth and competence - as Amy Cuddy’s research has long shown.
I would add that this advice on the Spotlight Effect is especially incomplete for sensitive people, who tend to be acutely aware of all that noticing and judging.
So, here are nine things we should do instead - including a practical exercise that you can do, quickly and easily, whenever you feel judged or embarrassed: