As a "senior" I'm rather close to that greatest & most challenging of transitions: Death. As a Buddha-Dharma practitioner, I've been taught that our consciousness survives Death--albeit in a state that precludes (normally & with good reason) one - on - one direct interaction with "the living". I'm trying to keep an open mind about that whole mess. In the mundane World, I'm kind of mindful of Frank Herbert's "Litany Against Fear". ;-)
This brings up so much for me it’s hard to know where to begin. In my life most transitions have been accompanied by severe loss/death and grief, most notably the loss of my 18 year old son 3 years ago 3 days after high school graduation. My husband and I thought we had made it to the finish line. He was our last and youngest child, my baby, headed off to Northwestern University (also my Alma matter) and we were to have ushered in the transition of which you are speaking Susan, becoming empty nesters . To say it was a shock would be an understatement. In the 3 years following his death there have been more transitions than I can name, and prior to his death there were many more. I’ve switched careers from a lawyer to a coach to now a writer and guide. I’ve been through divorce, remarriage and blending families, all
while quietly wondering if I would succeed this time. We downsized to a condo (which I dislike immensely) after my son died (it had always been the plan but not under those circumstances) and are soon moving again. I’ve learned that it’s in surrendering to the transitions that are not of our own choosing that we open ourselves to the profoundly humbling opportunity to be born again, to become someone new, a different iteration if we are able to be open and yielding. In January our now youngest living child left for his first job. My husband and I have decided to start a new adventure this Fall by living abroad, yet another transition. This one I’m
Kahlil Gibran is one of my favourite poets but haven't read his work for some years. How timely your reminder about transitions. I'm currently revisiting reminders of the past and decluttering years of family life, as we prepare to sell the house we can no longer fill. Children now heading for their own oceans and me, on the threshold, nervous because I fear deep water. Just as a river must flow, so will I try to do the same. Thank you for this timely lesson Susan.
Susan, I ran home on my first day of 'big' school ... kindergarten I guess it was. Even though my twin brother was with me, I didn't want to be there. So I ran all the way home (20 minutes or so) ...
Mum promptly brought me back and our teacher took extra care of me that day. I didn't have any such troubles after that and soon found I loved school. All the way through in fact.
But physical transitions, ie, going somewhere new, have always challenged me.
Empty nesting can be hard, and my heart goes out to you and your hubby. Often the two of you have to find a new dance, a new way of relating and connecting because so much of the past x years have been taken up with kiddies and being parents.
A friend of mine said the other day who has just stepped into empty nesting that a lot of the same issues (providing, supporting in $ and other material ways) are still present but the kids aren't at home. That's different from our experience as our 2 set off relatively independently (they chose that) ...
I love that poem from the first time I read it in my early teens, fear and death (or the same?) have been subjects of my mind’s inquiring and curiosity since those days, and although I really haven’t struggle with transitions for the most part of my life (grew up moving a lot and thankfully my parents made it easy which maybe is why I was never concern with changes, as an adult so many jobs, cities, people that I feel a “ramblin’ man” lol) but the one transition that I couldn’t managed well, separation and divorce 25 years ago, ironically set me into the path of meditation and spirituality, and was about 10 years ago that I started studying Buddhism (at the beginning with secular approach) and about 5 years ago entered into the studies of the Bardos, (literally means “the in-between” or “transitions”), and nowadays I have formal practices to preparing me to die well, the ultimate transition, finally finding answers to my youth days. By the way, fear not to transitions, you’re living them moment by moment, from your breathing to when you cross a door or walk outside or look at your face in the mirror every morning, it is not the moment per se but the opinion we have about it, as the Stoic in me reminds me every time, and death is just another moment transitioning into another mysterious moment. Much Love.
When I was in my mid 20s, wise elder once told me that the only thing constant in life is change. I will never forget that. It helps me accept that change is a constant and necessary part of living and learning. During transitions I try to remind myself that I will either get something great out of it or I will learn an important life lesson.
Love the river becoming an ocean. The drop of water in an endless sea is a song lyric that goes through mind frequently about our small existence on this lovely planet. As for transitions, I love the celebration of completion to move toward the new adventures in life. That said I am not so anxious for that final one.
Does anyone really “like transitions” in life? Maybe some of us adapt, learn to adapt? That seems an open question but then I think to much <Rimshot/> <Cymbal Crash/> As a contract SW developer I’ve lived out of my car more than a decade. I’ve had far too many of them and really “drain the well.”
The poem is great! It made me think of an estuary emptying into the ocean. For example the salinity level at the very mouth of the estuary is much lower than it is farther out to sea. Somewhat like life, we become “seasoned” as time goes on, especially during transitions...
The poem also made me think of a German proverb - a man grow’s up when he looks back on his life, sees all that has happened to home, accepts it and begins to change. (Not an exact quote).
For the record, the reference is not a German proverb but a quote from James Baldwin that I read in a BrainPickings email.
Brain Pickings 08/07/2018:
A man grows up when he looks back, realizes what has happened to him, accepts it all, and begins to change himself. He cannot grow up until he reaches this moment and passes it... — James Baldwin, The Cross of Redemption: Uncollected Writings
I normally like transitions, but mine have generally been of my own choice.
Now I find myself long-term unemployed, with increasingly elderly parents, and facing a move back "home" to the one place where I'm always welcome.
While I'm grateful that I have this option -- I recognize many don't -- this transition comes with its own set of negatives. I have to give up my cat of ten years, who has been at my side through many other transitions. My parents just won't allow an animal in their home. No way. No how.
I also have the stink of failure about me. Slinking back to my parent's home because I couldn't make it during these past two year's trials and tribulations.
Voluntary transitions are exciting, scary and forward-looking.
Mine looks anything but. Sorry to be a bummer, but the poem makes me realize that I'm inexorably dissolving into nothing that I desired.
Do you need to see it as that you couldn’t make it? It sounds to me as if difficult things happened - which is part of life and out of our control. Maybe another person would have handled those things differently and maybe not. But you are you, and these things happened, and others are yet to happen. I guess what I’m saying is could you move through this transition without any unnecessary judgment of the self?
Your comment makes so much sense to me. Transitions that I did not initiate but are “forced” on me are really quite depressing. Some would say look for the silver lining, but I don’t think there always is one. I hope your parents can welcome you back home unconditionally and that you all can find a way to cohabitate and make some memories.
this post hit me squarely in the head. Today was difficult, I was struggling with hubby's death from 15 months ago, my brain played a trick on me and tried to tell me he will be back, that's never happened before. I'm the river, fearful. Thanks for the comforting message.
Feel state of flow can help us in times of transitions, caterpillar must find it wings...
Things, life, relationships everything it always moving always subject to change
How has the river learned to flow along its path.... When transitions comes for you all my prayer
is that you not be alone! May love be with you; may the lantern float along the river kissing thy heart into ocean skies, shining light forever within the cosmos....
Khalil Gibran, my first dive 50 years ago into a new inner spirituality. And today, your offering of his poem as fresh as that original time🙏 Fear so natural, the river a precious image… thank you!
As a "senior" I'm rather close to that greatest & most challenging of transitions: Death. As a Buddha-Dharma practitioner, I've been taught that our consciousness survives Death--albeit in a state that precludes (normally & with good reason) one - on - one direct interaction with "the living". I'm trying to keep an open mind about that whole mess. In the mundane World, I'm kind of mindful of Frank Herbert's "Litany Against Fear". ;-)
Beautiful poem. Thank you for bringing it back into my life, I had forgotten this one.
Your comments about school struck a chord with me as well. Spot on.
This brings up so much for me it’s hard to know where to begin. In my life most transitions have been accompanied by severe loss/death and grief, most notably the loss of my 18 year old son 3 years ago 3 days after high school graduation. My husband and I thought we had made it to the finish line. He was our last and youngest child, my baby, headed off to Northwestern University (also my Alma matter) and we were to have ushered in the transition of which you are speaking Susan, becoming empty nesters . To say it was a shock would be an understatement. In the 3 years following his death there have been more transitions than I can name, and prior to his death there were many more. I’ve switched careers from a lawyer to a coach to now a writer and guide. I’ve been through divorce, remarriage and blending families, all
while quietly wondering if I would succeed this time. We downsized to a condo (which I dislike immensely) after my son died (it had always been the plan but not under those circumstances) and are soon moving again. I’ve learned that it’s in surrendering to the transitions that are not of our own choosing that we open ourselves to the profoundly humbling opportunity to be born again, to become someone new, a different iteration if we are able to be open and yielding. In January our now youngest living child left for his first job. My husband and I have decided to start a new adventure this Fall by living abroad, yet another transition. This one I’m
excited about.
Kahlil Gibran is one of my favourite poets but haven't read his work for some years. How timely your reminder about transitions. I'm currently revisiting reminders of the past and decluttering years of family life, as we prepare to sell the house we can no longer fill. Children now heading for their own oceans and me, on the threshold, nervous because I fear deep water. Just as a river must flow, so will I try to do the same. Thank you for this timely lesson Susan.
You wrote, "my days. . . will need filling up in ways I have yet to invent."
On the record: I hereby predict that you will have no trouble whatsoever
inventing things to fill up your days.
Honestly, I agree. (But still requires some thinking about)
Susan, I ran home on my first day of 'big' school ... kindergarten I guess it was. Even though my twin brother was with me, I didn't want to be there. So I ran all the way home (20 minutes or so) ...
Mum promptly brought me back and our teacher took extra care of me that day. I didn't have any such troubles after that and soon found I loved school. All the way through in fact.
But physical transitions, ie, going somewhere new, have always challenged me.
Empty nesting can be hard, and my heart goes out to you and your hubby. Often the two of you have to find a new dance, a new way of relating and connecting because so much of the past x years have been taken up with kiddies and being parents.
A friend of mine said the other day who has just stepped into empty nesting that a lot of the same issues (providing, supporting in $ and other material ways) are still present but the kids aren't at home. That's different from our experience as our 2 set off relatively independently (they chose that) ...
Great poem, btw.
Go well, dear Susan.
Thank you, dear Ian!
I love that poem from the first time I read it in my early teens, fear and death (or the same?) have been subjects of my mind’s inquiring and curiosity since those days, and although I really haven’t struggle with transitions for the most part of my life (grew up moving a lot and thankfully my parents made it easy which maybe is why I was never concern with changes, as an adult so many jobs, cities, people that I feel a “ramblin’ man” lol) but the one transition that I couldn’t managed well, separation and divorce 25 years ago, ironically set me into the path of meditation and spirituality, and was about 10 years ago that I started studying Buddhism (at the beginning with secular approach) and about 5 years ago entered into the studies of the Bardos, (literally means “the in-between” or “transitions”), and nowadays I have formal practices to preparing me to die well, the ultimate transition, finally finding answers to my youth days. By the way, fear not to transitions, you’re living them moment by moment, from your breathing to when you cross a door or walk outside or look at your face in the mirror every morning, it is not the moment per se but the opinion we have about it, as the Stoic in me reminds me every time, and death is just another moment transitioning into another mysterious moment. Much Love.
Love this insight re every moment being a transition. Goosebumps- thank you 🙏!
When I was in my mid 20s, wise elder once told me that the only thing constant in life is change. I will never forget that. It helps me accept that change is a constant and necessary part of living and learning. During transitions I try to remind myself that I will either get something great out of it or I will learn an important life lesson.
Love the river becoming an ocean. The drop of water in an endless sea is a song lyric that goes through mind frequently about our small existence on this lovely planet. As for transitions, I love the celebration of completion to move toward the new adventures in life. That said I am not so anxious for that final one.
Me either, actually.
Does anyone really “like transitions” in life? Maybe some of us adapt, learn to adapt? That seems an open question but then I think to much <Rimshot/> <Cymbal Crash/> As a contract SW developer I’ve lived out of my car more than a decade. I’ve had far too many of them and really “drain the well.”
The poem is great! It made me think of an estuary emptying into the ocean. For example the salinity level at the very mouth of the estuary is much lower than it is farther out to sea. Somewhat like life, we become “seasoned” as time goes on, especially during transitions...
The poem also made me think of a German proverb - a man grow’s up when he looks back on his life, sees all that has happened to home, accepts it and begins to change. (Not an exact quote).
For the record, the reference is not a German proverb but a quote from James Baldwin that I read in a BrainPickings email.
Brain Pickings 08/07/2018:
A man grows up when he looks back, realizes what has happened to him, accepts it all, and begins to change himself. He cannot grow up until he reaches this moment and passes it... — James Baldwin, The Cross of Redemption: Uncollected Writings
I normally like transitions, but mine have generally been of my own choice.
Now I find myself long-term unemployed, with increasingly elderly parents, and facing a move back "home" to the one place where I'm always welcome.
While I'm grateful that I have this option -- I recognize many don't -- this transition comes with its own set of negatives. I have to give up my cat of ten years, who has been at my side through many other transitions. My parents just won't allow an animal in their home. No way. No how.
I also have the stink of failure about me. Slinking back to my parent's home because I couldn't make it during these past two year's trials and tribulations.
Voluntary transitions are exciting, scary and forward-looking.
Mine looks anything but. Sorry to be a bummer, but the poem makes me realize that I'm inexorably dissolving into nothing that I desired.
Do you need to see it as that you couldn’t make it? It sounds to me as if difficult things happened - which is part of life and out of our control. Maybe another person would have handled those things differently and maybe not. But you are you, and these things happened, and others are yet to happen. I guess what I’m saying is could you move through this transition without any unnecessary judgment of the self?
I very much relate to your share and agree our feelings about transitions are usually directly dependent on whether it’s of our choosing or not.
Your comment makes so much sense to me. Transitions that I did not initiate but are “forced” on me are really quite depressing. Some would say look for the silver lining, but I don’t think there always is one. I hope your parents can welcome you back home unconditionally and that you all can find a way to cohabitate and make some memories.
this post hit me squarely in the head. Today was difficult, I was struggling with hubby's death from 15 months ago, my brain played a trick on me and tried to tell me he will be back, that's never happened before. I'm the river, fearful. Thanks for the comforting message.
Ach I’m sorry- (Joan Didion talks about this in her book on magical thinking following her husband’s death)
I totally get this. I often have very vivid dreams that my deceased mother is still alive. Upon awakening, I am very sad to be thrust back to reality.
I understand.
I love this poem. No more to say until I think about it some more.
Feel state of flow can help us in times of transitions, caterpillar must find it wings...
Things, life, relationships everything it always moving always subject to change
How has the river learned to flow along its path.... When transitions comes for you all my prayer
is that you not be alone! May love be with you; may the lantern float along the river kissing thy heart into ocean skies, shining light forever within the cosmos....
My son has been wise from the get-go. He once expressed that "life is just a series of transitions". He's not wrong.
Wise son!
Khalil Gibran, my first dive 50 years ago into a new inner spirituality. And today, your offering of his poem as fresh as that original time🙏 Fear so natural, the river a precious image… thank you!