How to manage holiday parties
(especially if you hate small talk)
“Wow, I really hate small talk.”
“Do I seem awkward right now?”
“How long ‘til I can go home?”
If these are the thoughts that fill your head at holiday parties, then today’s Kindred Letter is for you: it’s meant to give you ideas on how to have deep and satisfying conversations with strangers and acquaintances - and, how to handle social anxiety (which has got to be one of the most uncomfortable emotions human can experience). Here you go:
1. Ask deep questions. Did you know that most people dislike small talk, according to studies, and most people actually prefer to have deep conversations? So go ahead and ask the deep questions that (if you’re a reader of this newsletter) probably come most naturally to you. As Charles Duhigg, author of the bestselling book, “Supercommunicators,” advises: “Rather than asking someone about the facts of their life (“Where do you live?”) ask how they feel about their life. (“What’s the best part of where you live?”) Studies show that people love answering deep questions, because it gives us a chance to share something meaningful about ourselves.” Duhigg gives the example of starting out by asking someone what they do for a living. But from there, you can quickly move to “Do you like your job?” “Do you have something else you dream of doing?” And now you’re off to the races - you’ve moved from the factual to the fascinating.