As a child, were you an orchid or a dandelion?
And: do you have a childhood pain you can't quite get rid of?
Dear You,
A couple of weeks ago, in our Quiet Life member chat, I posted the above graphic. It spoke to many of you, eliciting lots of lovely and thought-provoking responses. Including this one, from Ryan A.:
“Hi Susan, thank you for this. I have a question. I just listened to your latest podcast episode about the orchid child. That was me growing up but sadly without a nurturing environment. I'm an adult man working as a corporate manager and have been blessed with a beautifully nurturing boss who drew out the absolute best in me. She's retiring, and my new boss is the exact opposite. The child in me is terrified that I'll shrivel and die. Do you have any advice or practices that'll help?”
This was my response to Ryan, which I then thought worth sharing with you all:
Oh I’m so sorry - for your childhood experience, and for the replacement of your boss. Have you ever cultivated a practice of speaking to yourself (both internally but also out loud, when this is possible) as if you were the child you once were (and - as with all of us - still are)? If you had a child with a rough and disapproving teacher (analog to your boss) what would you tell him? What endearments would you use? How would you encourage him to quietly stand his ground and keep his dignity? What would you advise him to do when he felt afraid anyway? How would you comfort him when it hurt, despite his best efforts? Can you try sitting down now and writing a letter to this beloved son of yours?
Don’t worry if you don’t have the perfect advice - what really matters is the message of (a) unconditional love, and (b) the confidence that you know this child can find his strength, however shakily, in a world that is rougher than it should be.