I’m 73 and tho not particularly happy about being “old”, I’m so glad I’m no longer in that 1st half struggle to prove my worth to parents, co-workers, community…myself, etc. There was so much planning and worrying about outcomes, and other people’s assessments. At this point, with my experience, very different hormone levels and no longer needing to provide for my children and my future, I’ve relaxed and can focus on what brings me joy. Yes, I know that this all could end soon, but I’m not “preparing “. I think that, for the most part, we somehow adjust to the inevitable. My mom is 92 and just got a worrisome medical report, but she’s not as shaken by it as you might expect. She’s accustomed to letting go by now, and enjoys her simple day-today life. She said she wants to die pushing her lawn mower. I don’t like to mow the lawn, like she does, but I’m embracing that attitude.
Susan, you may be the only one who reads this as this post is months after June 27. I am definitely in the second half of life and have been for several years. As I had 2 of our 5 children late in life, I did not start the second half until age 65. I was just too busy with 5 children and an artist husband. There, but not always present to the present!
At any rate after the terrible loss of my youngest brother 4 years ago, the losses began. The loss of 3 remaining parents: mothers in law and father in law, the loss of a dream my husband I had crafted for our next move, into retirement, the loss of a very dear friend's husband.
I began to feel lost myself and worked out getting a therapist who understands self excavation. And a visual artist who teaches journaling for self excavation, also helps me.
Part of my awakening is beginning to deal with childhood trauma relating to alcoholism in my Dad and other adults in my life, (with few adults left over in the family). I had great teachers and pastors, but not many close adults. My maternal grandparents were very helpful. I am so grateful for them! Still, they too, were unable to share the secrets with me.
Lots of words, (I know,) the truth needs to be stated. Now at 72, I'm making connections I have never made before. Unpacking anxiety I have carried and realizing there just may be a way to put it down. It's amazing how our brains do decide when we are 'ready' or perhaps our souls. There were many, many secrets in my family of origin. I will never know all of them because the people who could have told, took the secrets to their graves. Still, with the proper help, just knowing I have been impacted by those secrets, leaves me feeling hope filled.
For 2 and 1/2 years my husband and I lived in his parent's home, after one parent was in the nursing home and one had passed. Unfortunately as he took care of Dad's unfinished self made business, I was not aloud to really 'live in the house'. It was preserved in almost every way, until we moved back to our apartment home 7 hours away!
That brave work in me, lead me to this point where I begin to see how the 'secrets' in my upbringing have shaped some of my emotional life.
My therapist recommends Emotional Inheritance. I think being able to write here, in this column, really helps. Thanks so much!
Oh, Susan, it’s as if you’ve been stalking my very existence and captured it here. I am a 58 year old woman who sees herself in just about every single word. I am at a massive crossroads - which now feels insanely urgent - I have almost a sense of desperation after unexpectedly losing my 28 year old son 75 days ago. Before this catastrophic event, my work ambition had seriously waned. Now, it feels entirely senseless, meaningless. I must figure out how to make this second half count: for him, for my other son, for their dad/my late husband, for me.
You have been an inspiration to me for decades. We are of the same cloth. Now I need to use your inspiration to catapult me into my true purpose - which involves, of course, writing.
Dear Mary, I am so so so so so sorry about the loss of your son. I wish I could offer you words of comfort but I wonder if only time can really do that. And - as for writing, just start. Maybe try 15 minutes a day to write down whatever comes into your head, without worrying about crafting it, or even what genre you're writing in. I also find that ideas come with movement - whether walking, driving, etc. And, with coffee, the magic creativity potion. Please let me know how you do...and my most heartfelt sympathies again. love - Susan
“In the second half of life, the task is to trade ambition for wisdom, noise for quiet, certainty for mystery.”
I love the article and this sentence captures the essence of it for me. You have put a face to this amorphous state of being without a rudder feeling. I thought something was wrong. You helped to demystify the world of the introvert with your first book. And now with this article you are helping to demystify this amorphous place that I have been slipping into for the past handful of years as I am now 60-1/2. Nothing is wrong. So good to be clear on this. Thank you so much, Susan Cain.
Oh, Susan. Once again you have perfectly captured how I am feeling. I, too, am a 57-year-old introvert. My mom and in-laws have passed and my nest is empty. My husband, 59, is tired of his corporate job and is searching for his purpose at this stage.
I maintain an art practice, but it is not a money maker. It is how my life has meaning. I must always be creating. My work often goes unseen because long ago I gave up trying to be “known” and now I make what I am compelled to make.
But as the days pass, I wonder how much time I have left to finish all the artistic projects I have started. I try to let the delights of life lift me up, but it is hard knowing that all roads lead to death. I’ve seen it up close and personal with my mother and it’s hard to shake. But I keep moving on through all the sunrises and sunsets. As I recently heard a songwriter sing, “I keep making the bed.” ❤️
I see three stages: up to 25 yrs the growing, learning, finding out, first stage: then 26-50 middle age: chasing dreams, family, work, shouldering responsibility for children and parents.
The third last stage - facing the death of parents and eventually leaving behind forever all those you love and the beautifull nature, blue skies, sunrise, sunsets - all gone. It breaks my heart. How to spend this precious time - growing older, feeling and looking at increasing physical frailty, wanting to spend this short time left, wisely. Thinking about (what now seems) a very short life, what has been achieved, what dreams were fulfilled - but, still caring, still loving wonderful adult children, growing grandchildren and others.
Yes, this is an affirmation and clear capturing of where I'm at, now 70.
I think of 'kairos' time vs chronological time: I'm no longer on a conveyer belt moving through time, striving with goals to get 'there'. Rather, I'm standing quite still and time is moving past me. My work is to be aware and ready for whatever comes. No goals, only practicing showing up each day alert and present. Hardly passive-, a surprisingly demanding stance.
Your work, Susan, accompanies me with such grace. Thank you.
There was an article in the NYT about the second half of life. There's an author with a new book out - Kerry Burnight and the book is "Joyspan: The Art and Science of Thriving in Life’s Second Half." Will you be having a candlelight session with her in the future?
Dear Susan, this is my first time responding to any of your posts, since it is my first time being a subscriber. I have been familiar with your posts from my husband forwarding them to, which of course then inspired me to get your book. I like others here have done want to thank you for this post. I am in the second half of my life, currently 61. I dreamed of being a writer my whole life…but as John Lennon put it, “Life happens when you are busy making other plans.” In my 20’sand into my 30’s, I actively pursued a writing path, which seemed more like a hobby, while I was busy making a living, falling in love, eventually finding the one I had been waiting for and got married and then started a family. I never stopped writing, or dreaming, but world evolved and so did I, and so did my writing. Although I knew I had some talent, I didn’t hold out that I’d ever get a chance. I lost people in my life along the way, which is a grief that never leaves you. That grief gets transformed, and then the memories become treasures in your heart. When my son, my only child, went off to college, I experienced a grief of “death” which I did not expect. My son had not died, we have a great relationship, and yet I felt like I was experiencing a death of my self, my purpose and questioned what was I worth now? It was during this time that my writing voice changed, stopped being a product and the authenticity of self allowed the characters and their stories to come through. My first young adult fantasy fiction, The Storyteller’s Quilt: Beginnings Are Boundless gets released on August 19th. I am not seeking the same fame & fortune I dreamed of as my younger self, I am simply hoping that my story and writing will bring joy and creativity to young and older readers alike…because that feels like the loftiest goal I could ever achieve. Writers and their stories have brought to my life joy and inspiration and wonder and contemplation. Thank you for letting us all know that the second half of life is still filled with wonder and love, and magic. Sincerely, Sherry Lynn Campbell
Wow, Shelly - first of all, welcome, and second, oof re your empty nest experience (I have two sons who will soon fly the coop), and finally, CONGRATULATIONS AND BEST OF LUCK on your book - how incredible to be releasing it after a lifetime of wishing for this moment! May you enjoy it all.
Dear Susan, thank you again for sharing such a beautifully written post filled with insight. I'm also 57, and definitely in the middle of the transition from earlier, practical ambitions (establishing and maintaining a career to earn a good living and raise a family) to something that's better for the next chapter of life, where I feel the need to slow down, spend more time with loved ones, and share my creativity at least with a small circle of friends and fans (music, in my case; though I'm tempted to write a thing or two in the future as well). I've also had some mental health challenges that I had to face head on in the past couple of years, and it certainly wasn't easy. So how are things going navigating to the second half of life? I too notice that the ambitions I had even two years ago no longer have any hold on me. I'm on the journey, and never mind the destination, the path isn't clear yet, more like a vague trail through the forest that's easy to lose sight of. I'll let you know how it evolves. Thank you, again, for all you do. David
Susan!!! Thank you so much for naming and normalizing these feelings! At 55, suddenly I had ZERO interest in all the self help books and other topics that had consumed me for decades. I even dropped out of a training program I’d been waiting 5 years to be accepted into after two days, recognizing those shoes were too small and no longer fit! I don’t know what is next- AND- it feels important that I stay kind and curious and engaged with life. Semi-retired, sometimes I spend half of my day staring at my adorable dog. And it feels like time well-spent. 💚
Hi Susan- I am in the group of people you referenced who want to be a writer (or a published author, with a bestseller), though I am 50 and therefore almost certainly in the second half of my life.
During the first half of my life I was filled with ambition (at first, that ambition was to be President of the United States). I studied government and the law toward that end, before realizing politics and the legal profession weren’t for me.
Then I had children, including a child with special needs who required more of my time than I expected of parenting. So I put my career on the back burner and am now starting over in my second half. I have a written manuscript and a dream of spending the next phase of my life as a writer. But I also sometimes question what I have to give this process and wish it weren’t so tedious at times.
Now I spend time wondering about the point of ambition in terms of quantity and wonder if the goal should be numbers of those affected versus the depth of your impact. But I don’t have many answers.
If you or your readers have any thoughts on the above, I’d love to hear them.
Thank you for your gorgeous and impactful work. And for this community. ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing the vicissitudes of your life and times. As for your question, I do think that depth of impact (the analog idea to this is the injunction that "if you've saved one life you've saved the world) is the best way to go...and yes the process takes a LOT of work - I think it requires giving more than one gets, which in the end results in getting more than one gives - if you know what I mean. I didn't mean to write a koan in answer to your question, but I think I just did.
Hi Susan! I'm reading this after experiencing a week of deep sadness realizing that I'm at the pivot point from 'first half' to 'second half.*' As I grieve the loss of my first family and my chosen family shifts towards empty-nesting, I echo my tween daughter and wail 'but what do I DO right now?' And, how do I figure out what to do for the next 40 years? And, how do I make it a balance of meaning, and fun, and what I think I should be doing or am called to do? And how does this second half affect what I do for work - can my work be unexciting and unfulfilling if I've gotten to have that in the past?
I have reached a few conclusions so far, and I acknowledge they may be temporary as I grow.
First, I grew up with the legend of the holy tapestry - that we see only tangled threads, God can see the true image from Her perspective. But with my mustardseed-sized faith, that's not working for me, and I feel like I need to help create a pleasing pattern and have been using a lot of energy finding the themes and threads. My instinctive answer is that instead of a tapestry, I need to think of a garden. A garden can be planned or haphazard, but 90% of the time it is not a 'picture' but rather patches of things. A nice garden has a blend of textures, seasons, showiness and backdrop - and they're in little bits that make a whole.
Secondly, it was wonderful to read your column as well as that of my friend Emily, who also looped in the concept of These Trying Times. That NOW is the time to act, but here's an alternative way to do that - rebellion by refusing to hustle. By prioritizing ourselves as people, who need rest, and water. https://selfovershould.substack.com/p/purpose-is-not-frivolous (I should note that there might be hazards in this approach!)
Third, it feels like having reached the top of the roller coaster - the next half will whoosh by. It is scary. I have worked hard to get here. And that is ALL that I know about it. My therapist referenced Alan Watts and Buddhism - a cat falling out of a tree that lets go will be safe, but a cat that tenses up might get hurt. I will try to curate my garden with a balance of beauty, love, and fun, and that is all I can do.
**Second half of life: I would say 'with luck, I get another 43 quality years,' but who knows. The years can be good, bad, or long. The years I've had have been a gift anyway.
Susan, I spent the early hours this morning re-reading your article and replies. Thank you so much for embracing this format, as it’s so rich and deep. The generosity and beauty of your writing has nurtured a community of thoughtful, authentic people. I’m grateful to be a part of it in a world that can be harsh and heartbreaking.
Big exhale as I feel a buzz from so much openness, curiosity and wisdom in your post Susan. And in the responses to it. What a privilege to read all of your shares.
I've just turned 60 and am still raising (pre-teen & teen) children. Like some others here, I may not be typical of the 2, 3 or 4 stages of life in the details, however my energy levels and ambition are flagging. Friends and older family members are experiencing health crises and dying.
So how do I gently simplify and slow down while surrounded by these exuberant young folks and also grieve these losses? It's a creative challenge to take better care of myself, honouring who I am now, while showing up in new ways, at a new pace, with my nearest and dearest as well as those I encounter along the way. All I know is that figuring out new stages and transitions happens in its own time. No more pushing myself!
Desiderata has been a touchstone of steadiness and perspective for me since I was a teen. "Go placidly amidst the noise and haste ..." So I shall somewhat messily and occasionally gracefully tend to the life I have, and deeply appreciate it, while occasionally making changes when it no longer makes sense. And finally not care what others think about it.
I’m 73 and tho not particularly happy about being “old”, I’m so glad I’m no longer in that 1st half struggle to prove my worth to parents, co-workers, community…myself, etc. There was so much planning and worrying about outcomes, and other people’s assessments. At this point, with my experience, very different hormone levels and no longer needing to provide for my children and my future, I’ve relaxed and can focus on what brings me joy. Yes, I know that this all could end soon, but I’m not “preparing “. I think that, for the most part, we somehow adjust to the inevitable. My mom is 92 and just got a worrisome medical report, but she’s not as shaken by it as you might expect. She’s accustomed to letting go by now, and enjoys her simple day-today life. She said she wants to die pushing her lawn mower. I don’t like to mow the lawn, like she does, but I’m embracing that attitude.
Susan, you may be the only one who reads this as this post is months after June 27. I am definitely in the second half of life and have been for several years. As I had 2 of our 5 children late in life, I did not start the second half until age 65. I was just too busy with 5 children and an artist husband. There, but not always present to the present!
At any rate after the terrible loss of my youngest brother 4 years ago, the losses began. The loss of 3 remaining parents: mothers in law and father in law, the loss of a dream my husband I had crafted for our next move, into retirement, the loss of a very dear friend's husband.
I began to feel lost myself and worked out getting a therapist who understands self excavation. And a visual artist who teaches journaling for self excavation, also helps me.
Part of my awakening is beginning to deal with childhood trauma relating to alcoholism in my Dad and other adults in my life, (with few adults left over in the family). I had great teachers and pastors, but not many close adults. My maternal grandparents were very helpful. I am so grateful for them! Still, they too, were unable to share the secrets with me.
Lots of words, (I know,) the truth needs to be stated. Now at 72, I'm making connections I have never made before. Unpacking anxiety I have carried and realizing there just may be a way to put it down. It's amazing how our brains do decide when we are 'ready' or perhaps our souls. There were many, many secrets in my family of origin. I will never know all of them because the people who could have told, took the secrets to their graves. Still, with the proper help, just knowing I have been impacted by those secrets, leaves me feeling hope filled.
For 2 and 1/2 years my husband and I lived in his parent's home, after one parent was in the nursing home and one had passed. Unfortunately as he took care of Dad's unfinished self made business, I was not aloud to really 'live in the house'. It was preserved in almost every way, until we moved back to our apartment home 7 hours away!
That brave work in me, lead me to this point where I begin to see how the 'secrets' in my upbringing have shaped some of my emotional life.
My therapist recommends Emotional Inheritance. I think being able to write here, in this column, really helps. Thanks so much!
Oh, Susan, it’s as if you’ve been stalking my very existence and captured it here. I am a 58 year old woman who sees herself in just about every single word. I am at a massive crossroads - which now feels insanely urgent - I have almost a sense of desperation after unexpectedly losing my 28 year old son 75 days ago. Before this catastrophic event, my work ambition had seriously waned. Now, it feels entirely senseless, meaningless. I must figure out how to make this second half count: for him, for my other son, for their dad/my late husband, for me.
You have been an inspiration to me for decades. We are of the same cloth. Now I need to use your inspiration to catapult me into my true purpose - which involves, of course, writing.
My late son was a writer.
My dad was, too.
Time for me to join them.
But where do I start? How do I begin…
Mary McAtamney (Mary Mack)
Dear Mary, I am so so so so so sorry about the loss of your son. I wish I could offer you words of comfort but I wonder if only time can really do that. And - as for writing, just start. Maybe try 15 minutes a day to write down whatever comes into your head, without worrying about crafting it, or even what genre you're writing in. I also find that ideas come with movement - whether walking, driving, etc. And, with coffee, the magic creativity potion. Please let me know how you do...and my most heartfelt sympathies again. love - Susan
“In the second half of life, the task is to trade ambition for wisdom, noise for quiet, certainty for mystery.”
I love the article and this sentence captures the essence of it for me. You have put a face to this amorphous state of being without a rudder feeling. I thought something was wrong. You helped to demystify the world of the introvert with your first book. And now with this article you are helping to demystify this amorphous place that I have been slipping into for the past handful of years as I am now 60-1/2. Nothing is wrong. So good to be clear on this. Thank you so much, Susan Cain.
Oh, Susan. Once again you have perfectly captured how I am feeling. I, too, am a 57-year-old introvert. My mom and in-laws have passed and my nest is empty. My husband, 59, is tired of his corporate job and is searching for his purpose at this stage.
I maintain an art practice, but it is not a money maker. It is how my life has meaning. I must always be creating. My work often goes unseen because long ago I gave up trying to be “known” and now I make what I am compelled to make.
But as the days pass, I wonder how much time I have left to finish all the artistic projects I have started. I try to let the delights of life lift me up, but it is hard knowing that all roads lead to death. I’ve seen it up close and personal with my mother and it’s hard to shake. But I keep moving on through all the sunrises and sunsets. As I recently heard a songwriter sing, “I keep making the bed.” ❤️
Why call it the second half?
I see three stages: up to 25 yrs the growing, learning, finding out, first stage: then 26-50 middle age: chasing dreams, family, work, shouldering responsibility for children and parents.
The third last stage - facing the death of parents and eventually leaving behind forever all those you love and the beautifull nature, blue skies, sunrise, sunsets - all gone. It breaks my heart. How to spend this precious time - growing older, feeling and looking at increasing physical frailty, wanting to spend this short time left, wisely. Thinking about (what now seems) a very short life, what has been achieved, what dreams were fulfilled - but, still caring, still loving wonderful adult children, growing grandchildren and others.
Yes, this is an affirmation and clear capturing of where I'm at, now 70.
I think of 'kairos' time vs chronological time: I'm no longer on a conveyer belt moving through time, striving with goals to get 'there'. Rather, I'm standing quite still and time is moving past me. My work is to be aware and ready for whatever comes. No goals, only practicing showing up each day alert and present. Hardly passive-, a surprisingly demanding stance.
Your work, Susan, accompanies me with such grace. Thank you.
Susan,
There was an article in the NYT about the second half of life. There's an author with a new book out - Kerry Burnight and the book is "Joyspan: The Art and Science of Thriving in Life’s Second Half." Will you be having a candlelight session with her in the future?
Marty
Dear Susan, this is my first time responding to any of your posts, since it is my first time being a subscriber. I have been familiar with your posts from my husband forwarding them to, which of course then inspired me to get your book. I like others here have done want to thank you for this post. I am in the second half of my life, currently 61. I dreamed of being a writer my whole life…but as John Lennon put it, “Life happens when you are busy making other plans.” In my 20’sand into my 30’s, I actively pursued a writing path, which seemed more like a hobby, while I was busy making a living, falling in love, eventually finding the one I had been waiting for and got married and then started a family. I never stopped writing, or dreaming, but world evolved and so did I, and so did my writing. Although I knew I had some talent, I didn’t hold out that I’d ever get a chance. I lost people in my life along the way, which is a grief that never leaves you. That grief gets transformed, and then the memories become treasures in your heart. When my son, my only child, went off to college, I experienced a grief of “death” which I did not expect. My son had not died, we have a great relationship, and yet I felt like I was experiencing a death of my self, my purpose and questioned what was I worth now? It was during this time that my writing voice changed, stopped being a product and the authenticity of self allowed the characters and their stories to come through. My first young adult fantasy fiction, The Storyteller’s Quilt: Beginnings Are Boundless gets released on August 19th. I am not seeking the same fame & fortune I dreamed of as my younger self, I am simply hoping that my story and writing will bring joy and creativity to young and older readers alike…because that feels like the loftiest goal I could ever achieve. Writers and their stories have brought to my life joy and inspiration and wonder and contemplation. Thank you for letting us all know that the second half of life is still filled with wonder and love, and magic. Sincerely, Sherry Lynn Campbell
Wow, Shelly - first of all, welcome, and second, oof re your empty nest experience (I have two sons who will soon fly the coop), and finally, CONGRATULATIONS AND BEST OF LUCK on your book - how incredible to be releasing it after a lifetime of wishing for this moment! May you enjoy it all.
Superior message …
Dear Susan, thank you again for sharing such a beautifully written post filled with insight. I'm also 57, and definitely in the middle of the transition from earlier, practical ambitions (establishing and maintaining a career to earn a good living and raise a family) to something that's better for the next chapter of life, where I feel the need to slow down, spend more time with loved ones, and share my creativity at least with a small circle of friends and fans (music, in my case; though I'm tempted to write a thing or two in the future as well). I've also had some mental health challenges that I had to face head on in the past couple of years, and it certainly wasn't easy. So how are things going navigating to the second half of life? I too notice that the ambitions I had even two years ago no longer have any hold on me. I'm on the journey, and never mind the destination, the path isn't clear yet, more like a vague trail through the forest that's easy to lose sight of. I'll let you know how it evolves. Thank you, again, for all you do. David
Susan!!! Thank you so much for naming and normalizing these feelings! At 55, suddenly I had ZERO interest in all the self help books and other topics that had consumed me for decades. I even dropped out of a training program I’d been waiting 5 years to be accepted into after two days, recognizing those shoes were too small and no longer fit! I don’t know what is next- AND- it feels important that I stay kind and curious and engaged with life. Semi-retired, sometimes I spend half of my day staring at my adorable dog. And it feels like time well-spent. 💚
Hi Susan- I am in the group of people you referenced who want to be a writer (or a published author, with a bestseller), though I am 50 and therefore almost certainly in the second half of my life.
During the first half of my life I was filled with ambition (at first, that ambition was to be President of the United States). I studied government and the law toward that end, before realizing politics and the legal profession weren’t for me.
Then I had children, including a child with special needs who required more of my time than I expected of parenting. So I put my career on the back burner and am now starting over in my second half. I have a written manuscript and a dream of spending the next phase of my life as a writer. But I also sometimes question what I have to give this process and wish it weren’t so tedious at times.
Now I spend time wondering about the point of ambition in terms of quantity and wonder if the goal should be numbers of those affected versus the depth of your impact. But I don’t have many answers.
If you or your readers have any thoughts on the above, I’d love to hear them.
Thank you for your gorgeous and impactful work. And for this community. ❤️
Dear Alexandra,
Thank you so much for sharing the vicissitudes of your life and times. As for your question, I do think that depth of impact (the analog idea to this is the injunction that "if you've saved one life you've saved the world) is the best way to go...and yes the process takes a LOT of work - I think it requires giving more than one gets, which in the end results in getting more than one gives - if you know what I mean. I didn't mean to write a koan in answer to your question, but I think I just did.
and, may you enjoy your next half of life!
This is so helpful. Thank you for taking the time to thoughtfully answer my question. ❤️
Hi Susan! I'm reading this after experiencing a week of deep sadness realizing that I'm at the pivot point from 'first half' to 'second half.*' As I grieve the loss of my first family and my chosen family shifts towards empty-nesting, I echo my tween daughter and wail 'but what do I DO right now?' And, how do I figure out what to do for the next 40 years? And, how do I make it a balance of meaning, and fun, and what I think I should be doing or am called to do? And how does this second half affect what I do for work - can my work be unexciting and unfulfilling if I've gotten to have that in the past?
I have reached a few conclusions so far, and I acknowledge they may be temporary as I grow.
First, I grew up with the legend of the holy tapestry - that we see only tangled threads, God can see the true image from Her perspective. But with my mustardseed-sized faith, that's not working for me, and I feel like I need to help create a pleasing pattern and have been using a lot of energy finding the themes and threads. My instinctive answer is that instead of a tapestry, I need to think of a garden. A garden can be planned or haphazard, but 90% of the time it is not a 'picture' but rather patches of things. A nice garden has a blend of textures, seasons, showiness and backdrop - and they're in little bits that make a whole.
Secondly, it was wonderful to read your column as well as that of my friend Emily, who also looped in the concept of These Trying Times. That NOW is the time to act, but here's an alternative way to do that - rebellion by refusing to hustle. By prioritizing ourselves as people, who need rest, and water. https://selfovershould.substack.com/p/purpose-is-not-frivolous (I should note that there might be hazards in this approach!)
Third, it feels like having reached the top of the roller coaster - the next half will whoosh by. It is scary. I have worked hard to get here. And that is ALL that I know about it. My therapist referenced Alan Watts and Buddhism - a cat falling out of a tree that lets go will be safe, but a cat that tenses up might get hurt. I will try to curate my garden with a balance of beauty, love, and fun, and that is all I can do.
**Second half of life: I would say 'with luck, I get another 43 quality years,' but who knows. The years can be good, bad, or long. The years I've had have been a gift anyway.
*
Susan, I spent the early hours this morning re-reading your article and replies. Thank you so much for embracing this format, as it’s so rich and deep. The generosity and beauty of your writing has nurtured a community of thoughtful, authentic people. I’m grateful to be a part of it in a world that can be harsh and heartbreaking.
Big exhale as I feel a buzz from so much openness, curiosity and wisdom in your post Susan. And in the responses to it. What a privilege to read all of your shares.
I've just turned 60 and am still raising (pre-teen & teen) children. Like some others here, I may not be typical of the 2, 3 or 4 stages of life in the details, however my energy levels and ambition are flagging. Friends and older family members are experiencing health crises and dying.
So how do I gently simplify and slow down while surrounded by these exuberant young folks and also grieve these losses? It's a creative challenge to take better care of myself, honouring who I am now, while showing up in new ways, at a new pace, with my nearest and dearest as well as those I encounter along the way. All I know is that figuring out new stages and transitions happens in its own time. No more pushing myself!
Desiderata has been a touchstone of steadiness and perspective for me since I was a teen. "Go placidly amidst the noise and haste ..." So I shall somewhat messily and occasionally gracefully tend to the life I have, and deeply appreciate it, while occasionally making changes when it no longer makes sense. And finally not care what others think about it.