10 Steps to a Thicker Skin
Your inner freedom is the greatest of all your possessions
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Coming soon: How to navigate social situations of more than 2 people; how to know whether you’re a “Transcender”; how to answer the question of “why are you so quiet?” - and much more.
Dear You,
Last week, I received a bit of unsolicited, negative feedback on one of my projects - which caused me to ask myself a cascade of familiar questions:
Is this feedback correct? Should I take it seriously? Should I change what I’m doing? If so, how?
But also, more difficult questions, like: Am I actually terrible? Why does this random bit of feedback sting so much? And equally, why does the sting wear off after just a few hours?
If any of this sounds (or feels) familiar, this one’s for you - my ten steps to a thicker skin:
Spotlight Effect: This is the name of a cognitive bias that afflicts most of us humans. We feel as if we’re in a perpetual spotlight, when in fact no one is thinking about us very much at all. Even a person who gives you random bits of negative feedback isn’t thinking of you much (and may be motivated by forces having little to do with you).
*To realize this truly is to set yourself free.
(Note: Almost all humans face this cognitive bias, but shy people probably suffer it more; psychologists often describe the shy as overly focused on themselves. I’ve never approved of this framing, because it implies that shyness is a form of egoism when in fact it’s experienced as just the opposite. But still - there’s an important truth there.)